6 month custody split - Page 2

[Everrgreen]

I think that if you have genuine concerns then you should be notifying the parents - BOTH parents - of your specific concerns (rather than generalized descriptions). I do think it needs to be brought up though.

And as an aside, I can't imagine having a 6 month schedule like that, it sounds like it would be so difficult

[Ione]

If I'm reading this right, the mom in question has an older child by a different father, in addition to the 2 on the 6-month custody split. Right?

And that the "issues" you've seen since the switch are also present with the third (not switching)? Right?

But that with the third (older) child, those "issues" have never raised the same level of concern even though they are "equally issues" for this child--and are not enough to have triggered the "mandatory reporter" part of your job. Right?

If I've got it all right above...

First, it would seem that your concern is not so much that something is "really, honestly wrong" with those kids, but simply that the difference between the two households is noticeable. And that change triggered your worries. Where you wouldn't have worried if it had always been like that.

Second, it seems like you think (and are perhaps right, but that is beside the point) that the father is a better parent. But not that the mother is an intervention-worthy/CPS-worthy bad parent.

She is their parent. They are not in a contentious custody fight. They have a custody arrangement that works for them. Or at least works well enough that neither has begun steps to change it.

He knew how she took care of her older child before he had children with her. He also knew how she took care of their two before he and she divorced and when they came up with the 6-month arrangement.

My 2 cents is: if you have concerns about a child's home life that are not enough to require you to act as a mandatory reporter and report those concerns, you should bring up those concerns with the custodial parent (at the time), or the parent at whose home the child is when the issue occurs, first before anything else. As you would for any other child in your class.
But, before you do, think very hard about this question: If the children were from a non-divorced home, and the issues had always been present (i.e. not something new that could indicate a new problem), would you be as concerned as you seem to be now? If the answer is no...

[meemee]

OP i am talking about protocol. esp. since its a public school.

the thing is the two schools i have been in - they follow protocol. teachers are trained to speak a certain way, say certain things.

if this was the situation in our school (and it has happened) - the school would wait a while and give it time. then the teacher would take her concerns over to the principal and keep her informed. then the teacher would talk to the mom. if mom didnt respond then both principal and teacher would act together and send a letter.

i dont know the details but there is also a protocol about the kind of information a teacher can give out to parents about a child. if you called the office and asked if a child was present or not at school the office would not give out the information even if it was your own child.

the principal does not have to be involved in this at all. but the question you are asking here should really be asked to your principal to see what guidelines they follow. both school has a lot of single parents, grandparents taking care of gchildren and also children removed by CPS. they follow procedures due to legal issues.

when dd was in ps/dc the same rules applied. even more stricter. there was a protocol about the kind of info a teacher could inform the parent. and the way they did it.

[ABrandNewName]

Ione,

I had significant concerns with the first child, but not the kind of concerns I address through CPS. I certainly spent time with this mom, our school social worker spent time with this mom, and things got better to a degree. Mom comes to me if she has parenting questions and I've done a fair amount of coaching with her. She's a very sweet woman who loves her kids and does her best with the info and supports we give her, but her skills are limited.

However, I'd also say that with the older child, it was hard to sift out parenting from issues with the child. If she came to school tired or irritable, it was hard to know whether she struggled with regulation or if she really wasn't getting enough sleep. If she ate like she had a hollow leg at school and stayed skinny, it was hard to know if she had a high metabolism or if she wasn't getting enough at home. With these two it's easier because I've seen the little girl be awake and available for learning all morning and not fall asleep until nap. I've seen them eat regular portions and seem satisfied. So, I'm more likely to attribute these things to issues with parenting.

As far as whether I've talked to mom -- yes, I talk to her almost every day when she picks up the kids. I've called her when the little one falls asleep or throws a tantrum or does something uncharacteristic. When they were with dad I still made sure she had parent teacher conferences, and that I caught her in the hall to tell her of her daughter's achievements. Sometimes, at the kids request, I'd photo copy a piece of work that she did well so that she'd one to show each parent. Mom knew I did those things, and so I don't think she would be surprised that I'm talking to Dad now. Dad knew I did that as well, which may be one reason why he feels he can call me for updates.

Meemee,

Your school has some strange rules. In addition to being a teacher, I'm also a parent and my kids go to a different school. One day I sent my kids to school on the subway with another parent (like a carpool, but she doesn't drive), and then heard there was an accident on the train. I called the school and they instantly told me my kids had arrived safely. I also had a time where I wanted to take my kids out of school for something that I knew would be an unexcused absence, but I wanted to make sure it wouldn't be a huge issue, so I called the school and they told me how many excused and unexcused absences they could have, and how many they'd had so I could figure it out. I wouldn't hesitate to share similar info with my students.

Obviously if there's a custody battle going on, or a restraining order in effect, or the kids were in foster care then that would be different, but the burden is on the parent to inform the school of those things, not on the school to treat every situation as if it is a restraining order. In this case, there is no restraining order.

I've been at this school for many years, and in the district for many more. I do actually know what our school's policies are and I am sure that I am acting within them.

[meemee]

new name,

we've been at two schools and both schools have the same policy. i am not sure if i should say that is the rule in our whole school district.

i know that many a times cops have been called out because a parent panicked. and i think that's why the school makes such policies.

particularly the first school is open to troubled children so there are a lot of different kinds of parenting situations happening there.

the schools are fine as long as you follow the rules.

esp. in split families the teacher always sends out info to both parents. either they copy the notes or email both parents with achievements. also if the child is not doing their homework both parents get emails. conferences teacher invites both parents. some parents do it together some do it seperately.