Working parents with tight budgets-Any suggestions?

[new york momma]

Hi,

My husband and I are private school teachers in New York City. Our income affords us a one bedroom apartment and some small luxuries, but no car and little savings. We are so pleased that after 9 years of marriage, we are expecting our first child in November.

Because we won't be able to pay the rent and basic bills (ie. grad school loans) without my income. I will need to return to work as soon as possible after delivering. We have no family members or close friends in the state so unfortunately, we will need to place our baby in a nursery very soon after birth. I'm worried about paying for the nursery. I also think we will eventually need a two bedroom apartment for our family, which is very expensive in New York City.

I plan on going on disability for 12 weeks when the baby is born, but the disability check is only 20% of my regular income. My school has no maternity leave or compensation.

Any suggestions on how to make ends meet?
-Much gratitude to the forum.

[Bethla]

And remember you are only disabled for usually 6 weeks postpartum...so the rest of your leave is unpaid. Try and save what little you can until the baby is born. Is there any way your dh can take a family leave after you go back to work to avoid childcare costs for a few months. Would either of you be able to work part-time? You don't really need a 2 bedroom apt for a while. Could you move to a cheaper place? Can you find out if there is a way you can hold off on making payments on your loans while you are disabled and on family leave?

[etsdtm99]

i don't have much to say other than to agree that you won't need the bigger apartment for a while.. a baby doesn't take up much space for the first 3-4+ years- if you have room for a crib/toddler bed in your room or co-sleep you don't need a 2nd bedroom.. you could probably get by on 1 bedroom until your child goes to school and then maybe you cuold put the money you're not spending on childcare toward a bigger place?

and you should look into deferring the student loan payments due to financial hardship while you are on leave .. i don't know if you can do that because of maternity leave/family leave, but it is worth looking into to give you as much time as possible with your baby ..

[laughymama]

We're in a 1 bedroom right now. We'll be in a 1 bedroom when the 2nd baby gets here too. We're building a house but it will be small and modest. Right now we can only afford to put one bedroom in it. So that will have to do for a couple years.

So it's definitely doable if that will give you a little leeway with finances.

[Ellen Griswold]

You also might like to post this in frugality and finances - lots of very helpful people over there.

[sanguine_speed]

Sounds like you have transferable skills. Can you relocate?

[Pinoikoi]

Originally Posted by sanguine_speed

Sounds like you have transferable skills. Can you relocate?

that's what I was going to suggest.

[mrsfru]

don't have much to say other than to agree that you won't need the bigger apartment for a while.. a baby doesn't take up much space for the first 3-4+ years- if you have room for a crib/toddler bed in your room or co-sleep you don't need a 2nd bedroom.. you could probably get by on 1 bedroom until your child goes to school and then maybe you cuold put the money you're not spending on childcare toward a bigger place?

This totally...

Also, breastfeed...choose one system of cloth diapers (and when you do need sposies, order them online from Amazon), don't bother w/jarred baby food (totally unnecessary--just mash up some plain food you and your hubby are already eating), use the same detergent (like All Free and Clear or Arm and Hammer Free) for everyone's stuff, use the same body soap and lotion for everyone (if you stick w/Method or Jason or some other similar company's baby formula, you can all use it), skip the millions of extra baby niceties, b/c you don't have room and you don't need them anyways! (ie a travel swing/bouncer seat in one will be fine, bath "sponge" as opposed to big baby tub is only $6, get a full sized Arm's Reach cosleeper or a crib and sidecar it to your bed--all the other "baby beds" will only last to about 15 lbs/4-6 mos old!, the generic $45 Cosco Scenera carseat fits most newborns, and use a ring sling to carry baby out and about (way cheaper than a really nice stroller and more versatile and space saving).

You can make this work...besides the baby stuff, start cutting your own expenses right now--hubby can cut his own hair, pack lunches, stop buying coffee out--it'll hurt for awhile, but you'll adjust, esp once you have baby in arms!

Congratulations--that's such lovely news! Best wishes!

mrsfru

[Starry-eyedMom]

Originally Posted by sanguine_speed

Sounds like you have transferable skills. Can you relocate?

I, too, would suggest looking elsewhere. For example, in the South, you can get a 3 bedroom home in a lovely town for the price of 1 bedrm flat in NYC. And summertime is coming--now would be a great time for your dh to look around for a new position, giving you many months ahead to bond with baby.

If not, just be aware that nursery care is incredibly expensive and then you never know what you're going to get. It is soo hard to find someone who will actually treat your baby as well as they should. I've lived it, and I HATE sending little ones to daycare (luckily, after two years of looking, I have finally found someone who I trust and is on the same page as I am). When I had my first, I assumed I would be able to drop him off and go back to teaching full time. It was impossible to continue once he became a reality to me. We decided to give up a lot of things so I could take a number of months off and then only work 4 and a half hrs a day when I return/ed. Sorry to ramble, but I feel for you, and I hope you are able to work something out that will meet all of your needs!

[IAMommy]

Mrsfru has some great ideas. I would say you don't even need the co-sleeper. We have one and used it twice with our DS - it mostly held books and laundry. If you do get one, get the convertible, so you can at least get dual functionality.
For NY, I am not sure I'd get a ring sling, but maybe a mei tai instead. I am biased because I have joint hypermobility that makes it impossible for me to wear any but the smallest baby in an RS, but it seems you would get more longevity from something that allows a symmetrical carry. Maybe a used Beco from thebabywearer.com ? You have to be a member with certain amount of posts to buy there now.
Anything you really need, you can buy used. Babies don't care about new clothes, and they tend to get stained with spit up anyway. Hopefully your families will step in and send the things you need. Make sure you register. Target gives you 10% off anything you registered for and didn't receive after the baby is born.
Do you have friends with kids that you can borrow things from? We borrowed a lot of clothes, and I loan out my baby carriers.
I might be nuts, but is it possible to share a nanny? Your child would get more one-on-one care, but maybe split the cost with another family that also has only one child?
Good luck with whatever you decide to do and congratulations!

[smeisnotapirate]

This is a totally do-able situation! Both my DH and I work and have to. ITA with the advice above. We were in a 1br apartment until well after DS was 1 and only moved into a bigger house because it was cheaper. DS still sleeps with us most nights, and we said no to the cosleeper, instead sidecarring a toddler mattress to our bed. Now that we will have 4 of us in a queen sized bed, we're really happy that we can put either DS or new baby on the toddler mattress directly attached to the bed. Cosleepers have weight limits, plywood with a toddler mattress does not. Heck, you can buy an old twin and do that too if you want to.

Take advantage of hand-me-downs. Troll Freecycle/Craigslist for kids' clothes. My son wears only hand-me-downs. I just bought him a pair of shorts at Target, and WOW. $5 for kids' shorts??? My students' parents have been giving me bags of hand-me-downs for a while now. It's great.

Start living frugally now - moving may or may not be an option for you, but it can't hurt to put out resumes and see what comes up. NYS is a high-COL area, but it's bordered by lots of low-COL areas. You may not have to move too far to really cut down on expenses.

Also, write out a budget. Find out where your money goes - every penny - for a few months, and use that to pare down.

Good luck!

[gothnurse3]

Can you move closer to family for help with the baby? I would move, personally. Congrats and good luck!!

[new york momma]

Thanks for the suggestions. Hubby already cuts his own hair-we have to live very frugally already because private school teachers make very low salaries-we are barely above the poverty line. I don't think I will need a car seat because we don't have a car and just walk or use the subway.

There is three feet of clearance on one side of our bed, but I'm not sure if the door will be able to swing open because the crib needs to be a few feet from the radiator on the opposite wall.

We are considering relocating, but there are some challenges with that. I don't want to lose my health insurance, so I need to keep this job for awhile and we already live in one of the least expensive neighborhoods and buildings in the city (a Harlem walk-up).

Thanks for the suggestion to check the finances and frugality forum--it helped me to get some perspective. I know this sounds self-pitying, but I still can't help but wonder what we did wrong. We both completed grad school and waited to have children until we were secure in our careers. I guess it is fruitless to worry about that.

Perhaps I need more gratitude for the blessings I do have.

[GuildJenn]

It's not you, it's your city. How you deal with that is up to you. You could try it after delivery and go back and finish your year and see how it goes. I think childcare is going to be your biggest issue expense-wise though.

I agree that you won't need much for the baby. Don't be afraid to ask friends and family for hand-me-downs (that they won't expect back) and there is lots of baby stuff available used.

However I agree that you need to try to start saving now. If your DH has the time and energy to pick up extra work BEFORE the baby comes (in the summer?) that could be squirreled away too.

[smeisnotapirate]

With 3ft of clearance, I'd definitely sidecar just the toddler mattress - not a full crib. All you need is a half sheet of plywood and some screws and 2 2x4s. We did it for $10 and the price of a mattress.

Yeah, it's not you. Some places are just insane to raise families in.

[new york momma]

Okay, this sounds like a stupid question, but I've seen newborns take naps in padded play pens. Could I have the baby sleep in one of those? Seems like a baby could sleep in a padded playpen from newborn to 1 1/2 years of age or so. I think we could fit one between the bed and the wall, we just wouldn't be able to walk around the bed. I've seen used ones on craigslist.

[annethcz]

Originally Posted by new york momma

Okay, this sounds like a stupid question, but I've seen newborns take naps in padded play pens. Could I have the baby sleep in one of those? Seems like a baby could sleep in a padded playpen from newborn to 1 1/2 years of age or so. I think we could fit one between the bed and the wall, we just wouldn't be able to walk around the bed. I've seen used ones on craigslist.

Absolutely! If you're not going to be cosleeping, a pack n' play will definitely work for the first year or so.

And I don't think you've done anything wrong. It just sounds like you're living in an expensive city with maybe less-than-average paying jobs. It's a tough postion to be in, but doable. The time may come that you decide that you want to give up the amenities of the city in exchange for a lower cost of living, but it's such a personal choice.

[CatsCradle]

And I don't think you've done anything wrong. It just sounds like you're living in an expensive city with maybe less-than-average paying jobs. It's a tough postion to be in, but doable. The time may come that you decide that you want to give up the amenities of the city in exchange for a lower cost of living, but it's such a personal choice.

I agree with this. And OP, we have lived in NYC for many years and we are still in the same one-bedroom co-op that we bought a while back. I think if you look around, you'll find that many, many New Yorkers do fine with small spaces. My brother lives in Queens with four children in a two bedroom apartment that is even smaller than our one bedroom! My DH and I are lucky enough that income for this high COL isn't an issue, but we choose to stay in our current space because (1) it works fine for us, and (2) we would rather save the money than invest it in a few hundred extra square feet. Moving outside the city wasn't a consideration for us either. This is our home and this is where we want DD to grow up. There are many pros to our situation. We are car free (an expense that we would certainly incur outside the city); we belong to a great food co-op (where we pay less than half of what people anywhere pay for groceries); we have a lot of resources at our fingertips that are important to us; we utilize a lot of free and low-cost services that are available to city residents (libraries; concerts; kids' programs (btwn: our high city taxes underwrite these events and services...and we should use them).

One last thought: we opted to stay in Brooklyn in a lower cost area because we have come to the point in our lives where the hipness or crunchiness of a particular neighborhood is not important to us anymore. The neighborhood we live in is still in the city but we're not paying for the hipster atmosphere. Frankly, there are more important things to me. Good luck with your decision. We live on top of each other here...but we are happy and have adjusted.

[madskye]

My biggest concern would be your childcare. What do the other teachers at your school do for childcare? Where do most of them live? I guess I would look to them for examples of how it can be done.

I lived in NYC when I was single, moved out to NJ when I was 30. It's still expensive in NJ and childcare is still expensive. It's about $800-$1000 per month here for daycare. You don't need a lot of space or stuff--but you do need quality, reliable childcare if you want to continue to work.

I don't think you did anything wrong at all--sounds like your life has been going a long just great so far--but now that you are having a baby it's time to take stock and think about how and where you want to live. If you want to stay in NYC, one or both of you might have to make a plan to advance significantly in your career. Or you might have to embrace an even more radical frugality than you are already practicing. Or you might have look for a new location.

Have you looked into deferring your loans?

[new york momma]

Thanks for all the good advice ladies. Madsky, the mothers at my school either have a family member care for their children or their spouse makes a much higher income.

Cats Cradle, we opted out of the hipster neighborhoods too, which is why we're in Harlem. Moving to the Bronx could be an option as that is where our school is, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. The high incidence of asthma in the children there coupled with the frequent harassment I get when walking to work from the train station make me hesitate.

We are planning to work summer school and I'm becoming more comfortable with the idea of placing my young infant in a nursery. We've discussed giving up some luxuries such as our gym memberships and relocating within two years to a smaller, less expensive town. I will miss some of the great resources in the city, but I see benefits to raising children in smaller towns also.

Thank you all for helping me to work through our plans. I'm looking forward to reading more in the forum.