Etiquette for baby compliments? - Page 2

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by JMJ

I guess I have a different perspective about saying thank you. Maybe I'm just rude. I feel like I don't own my child in the same way that I own my body and my clothes, so I don't feel right If I were to thank someone for complimenting my child, it would have to be something to the effect of "Thanks for the compliment," or "It is sweet of you to say so."

I am also of the opinion that telling a child to do something that they are unable to do is pointless, and telling a child to say something that they don't mean is teaching them to be dishonest. When my child is old enough to understand, I intend to teach her that if someone says something nice to you that makes you feel good, a nice thing that you can say back to them is "thank you" and then let my child make her own decision what to say.

No offense to others who choose differently. I know, it's really a trivial thing, and I don't think that any of you are wrong for saying "thank you" or rhetorically telling your children to do so. I just overanalyze things. I have the same issues when people tell me how "good" she was during something. She is always good (by nature), and I don't control her behavior. She does!

Exactly! But it doesn't solve the strange silence lol.

I hate saying thank you to a baby compliment. She is her own self! And although we are working on promoting manners at home, I'm not going to force it in a public setting with a complete stranger.

I've found myself just trying to turn it into a random tangent. "Oh, she has adorable red hair!"

"Yeah, I wonder if she will have that temperament to go with it when she gets older?"

or

"Yeah, it comes from DH's family. Do you have any redheads in your extended family?"

[firewoman]

Originally Posted by liliaceae

I don't know, I always feel awkward when someone says my kids are cute or whatever, because I feel like I should say thank you, but I feel stupid thanking them because it's not an accomplishment of mine that my kids are cute, right?

But I don't usually return the compliment, because I feel like they would think I was just saying it because they did.

It wouldn't offend me in the least if someone didn't compliment my kids in return. I can't really imagine being offended by something like that. I guess if someone were offended, that would mean they only complimented your kids in order to get a compliment in return.

If I see a really cute baby or child, I will say so but certainly don't expect anyone to give an obligatory compliment back to my children. Conversely, I may reciprocate a compliment if someone says my kids are cute, but only if I really feel their child has whatever attribute I'm complimenting. Otherwise it just isn't genuine.

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

i usually just smile and say yeah, because well my lo's are beautiful

[mambera]

Originally Posted by Angelorum

The other day he got the most awkward compliment ever. DH and I were at the bank and the teller was grinning at him (our son, not dh, LOL) and asking how old he was. Then he said,

"He obviously got his good looks from his dad"

*long pause while I'm trying to decide what to make of that

then he says, "because his mom's still got her's"

By this time the transaction was over, so I just mumbled thanks and walked away confused. I mean really, what do you say to that? Thanks for making me think you were saying I was ugly, but then actually saying my dh is? I suppose he was trying to be funny, but it was just weird.

Ha ha, I think he was complimenting *you*! I would have taken that as a funny flirtatious exchange and answered in kind. Like, "It's cause I make HIM get up with the baby in the night" or "I guess the baby drool looks good on me!" or something like that.

I have gotten more and more relaxed over the years about compliments for me. When I was younger I used to get all embarrassed and weird. The older and uglier I get the easier I find it to just be lighthearted and fun about it. I don't know why that doesn't translate to accepting compliments for my LO in the same vein.

[CookAMH]

I say thanks then often find something I can genuinely complement about her baby. It's often not hard since babies are so cute.

[grumpybear]

i think most of the time i smile really big and agree with it. LOL
or sometimes i say thank you.

and no, i don't dish out compliments out of a sense of responsibility.

[batsister]

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in sometimes feeling awkward in these situations. When someone who does not have a child/baby with them (often older women) compliments my son, I usually just say, "thank you." But when someone with a baby/child of their own does, it feels more awkward. My main approach is to say, "thank you," and then if possible compliment their child then or at some point later in the conversation (a genuine, specific compliment).

[hildare]

i don't like it!

i always feel more than just plain awkward about compliments about the baby's looks. i totally hate remarks about appearances-- i can't really even explain it, it just goes contrary to our values.
it's fine when someone says what an awesome smile the baby has, but when they say she's pretty, it kind of creeps me out and makes me feel as though anything she does or is is only secondary to how she presents herself physically. if that even makes sense.. but i bring my own baggage into it perhaps. (my mother was one of those people who put me in beauty contests, etc, when i was little).
also, in certain cultures, it's not a good thing to praise the beauty of a child...oddly enough, that's what the other part of my family thought/thinks, and why it's not always wise to compliment the looks of children.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by 4myfinn

I do the same thing with DS. As for returning the compliment, I always do. I try to say something specific so it doesn't feel forced. Something like, "Your little guy is just adorable! Look at his long, thick eyelashes!"

I do that too. So far I've been able to quickly identify something sincerely compliment-worthy to return. I don't think it sounds ungeniune when I'm specific.

The compliment DD gets (always) is on her eyes, she has huge cute brown eyes. I've returned compliments about babies and small children based on their looks (the last one I remember had the cutest smile), their aptitude ("so verbal!" or "climbs so well!"), their demeanor ("such a happy baby" or "such an outgoing, friendly child"), or their improvement in something (DD goes to swim class at the Y, and I recently mentioned to a father how his son has so clearly gotten the hang of swimming these last couple of lessons, and the father seemed pleased).

I'm quite socially awkward but returning compliments has always gone well for me, everyone seems pleased. I think the key is to be specific and sincere. If you just say "oh, your kid is, uh, cute" it would probably fall flat. Especially if, honestly, the kid isn't that cute. All the same, I've always found something sincerely positive to say about every single child. Even one that I know that I don't really even like (which I hate to say, but there it is), she's as sharp as a tack and I can sincerely compliment her on it.

ETA: Sorry, I see this is specifically about babies. IMHO it's easier to be specific when complimenting older babies and children. Younger babies, I just stick with showing an interest in them if a compliment isn't forthcoming - how old, how is everyone doing, etc.

[JayJay]

I kinda have a different approach to this whole scenario! So I think I will add it in!

Bella just exudes personality - she smiles a LOT and is very alert and terribly engaging. She's also just the sweetest little thing to look at, for sure, like most every baby! I think what does it though is her personality, you know? People will come up and just go crazy over her multiple times in WalMart - and there she is, just smiling and laughing at them - it's super sweet and quite hilarious!

Thing is, Bella has made my heart and my life SO much better, so my response to the compliments is actually usually to give her ANOTHER one, something to the tune of "yes, she has just made my life SO wonderful. I LOVE having her around." Then, if said person has any children I will give them a smile. Usually they will smile back or be shy and smile from behind a parent's leg. So, then I can easily strike up a conversation about them as well, like "I'm sure you know exactly how that feels, since I guess this cutie belongs to you?"

Then we might have a short conversation! Her little ones feel warm and fuzzy, she or he will feel warm and fuzzy, Bella will be grinning from ear to ear - as am I and well, everyone's day is better!

That's what I do - unless I'm in a big fat hurry!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I say thank you. It is a compliment. And then smile.

[belltree]

We get to hear the "he is so adorable/cute/handsome" thing a lot, even several times in the same conversation from the same person or repeats in the next conversation I cannot stand it - isn't there anything else about my babe, that's interesting? And I am not sure how serious people really are about it. I really prefer a "he is so observant" to a "he is so cute".

Aside from that I say "thanks" and smile. I only give compliments back if I really feel like it and I only say things I really mean.

[WeasleyMum]

I always just say thank you! My baby is really, really cute (seriously, objectively, not just b/c he's mine ) and is also pretty social-- always looking at people, smiling, waving-- so I get a lot of comments. Honestly, it makes me less uncomfortable than people making personal comments about *me*, I never know how to respond when someone compliments something I had nothing to do with, like my eyes. That may be because I've always been one to rush up to babies and say nice things. I love babies! And they're pretty much ALL cute one way or another. If the compliment is coming from another mama with a baby I'll generally say "yours too!"

What bugs me a little is that everyone who sees DS who also knows DH just HAS to mention how much he favors his dad! It's always "he's so cute, he looks just like his daddy!" which makes me feel a tad left out. Like, hello, those are my eyes in his face! Anyway, none of it matters a bit really.

[Quinalla]

I usually say "Thank you!" sometimes gush and agree "She is, isn't she?" or say something specific about her cuteness (eyes, babbling, etc.) and that's usually the end of it. If I genuinely want to compliment their child, I will, but I don't worry if I don't. I don't give compliments unless they are genuine, so that's just my style.

[craft_media_hero]

I have trouble with compliments in general. I learned a long time ago to just gracefully say "thank you, that's very kind of you to say" or something similar, even if I feel that the compliment is unwarranted. Then I usually quickly change the conversation

I don't think it's necessary to compliment back or rude not to do so. But if the other child has an admirable quality, why not mention it? Nice way to turn the conversation back.

[grumpybear]

Originally Posted by JayJay

So, then I can easily strike up a conversation about them as well, like "I'm sure you know exactly how that feels, since I guess this cutie belongs to you?"

i think this is really sweet and genuine.