Likely returning to work and I need a pep talk

[sparklett]

It looks like I'm going to be going back to work within the next month or two. DS will be 3 in May. When he was 11 months old, I accepted a WAHM job that brought in a great income while letting me be with DS whenever he needed me. That job was contract-based and ended in November. Money is running out.

DH has been unemployed for 2 years and there is ZERO chance that he will be able to re-enter his former profession. We have decided that since I have more marketable skills, he will stay home for two years and focus on school and I will return to work. He'll be a SAHD. I'm currently being considered for a really cool job with a decent salary, and we'll relocate 300 miles away from our friends and family if I get the job.

THIS IS ALL SO DIFFERENT THAN WHAT I EXPECTED WHEN DS FIRST CAME ALONG!!!!! I was supposed to be a SAHM for the next 7 years or so- enough time to have another baby and see both of them off to school. Instead, I got 11 months off and then returned to work. And now I'm on the brink of LEAVING DS to go to a "real" job.

DH is an excellent SAHD (and I mean, he ROCKS- the guy is my hero) but I so desperately want to be a SAHM. But I really need to do this. And DS really needs a chance to go to school so we won't have to go through all this again when the next recession hits.

So mamas, here's what I need to hear: please tell me that DS will be okay. Please tell me that I won't miss out on DS's life while I'm at work. Please tell me that DS won't loose touch with me. Please tell me that I can work and have another baby in a year or two (I'm 33 years old and my clock is TICKING!).

This is just so... painful. I know I NEED to do this but I feel completely unprepared. How do I leave my baby? How do you do it? What is a typical day like for you? How do you stay connected to your kids? We are a VERY active, busy, connected family... how do we keep that momentum going?

Thanks....

(and P.S.- I feel like I need reiterate that I have absolutely no doubts about DH's ability to be a SAHD. He's been doing it for two years and it's like he was MADE to do this. He's wonderful and I am so lucky to have him. And I know DS will probably be okay. It's ME I'm worried about.)

[basje]

Here's what I can offer!

Oh my heart goes out to you! There are parts that will suck about going to work but I know a number of mom's who cite their jobs outside the home helps them be better mothers. I hope you discover something similar.

Anyway as for missing out, when you get your now fabulous job, as your reward go out and get you and your hubby cell phones that shoot and play video. So while you're at work and your LO is doing something cute, or new or totally annoying your Hubby can video record and send you a little snapshot of what's going on a few times a day so you don't feel so left out.

You could also be mindful about getting an apartment or house REALLY close to work so you could come home on your lunch hour and hang out. Not only will you save money and time by having your hubby make lunch for you, you'll have some time during the day to see them both. You will also save on commute time which means more time at home with your family.

I'm sure that other mom's have some great idea's too. Interested to see what they post.

[snarky]

This is what my day looks like with my daughter (age 3):
- I get up in the morning with her, make breakfast, read a short book or play a bit if time allows, get her dressed, take her to day care
- Come home, make dinner, sit with her at dinner
- Bath time, bed time

Sometimes she helps me with dinner and sometimes she plays with her dad. I drop her at school at 9 am and I'm home by 6:30 or 7. Her wake-up time is between 7 and 7:30 and she is asleep around 8:30. This gives a good 3 hours together most days, which doesn't sound like a lot but really allows you to connect. I also spend basically all of my weekend time with her.

My daughter is always asking for "mommy mommy mommy" (to the point where I find it frustrating sometimes that she won't take my husband for an answer). She is full of hugs and kisses, very loving. There is absolutely no substitute for mommy and you cannot be replaced. I feel very connected with her, especially after doing things together all weekend.

I went back to work at 3 months and I have been doing this for years so it's all I know now. If you have the right job, you will eventually spend your time at work thinking about work most of the time. You will make friends, have an adult-oriented social life for a change, etc and all of these things can be very exciting. You also get to skip some typical 3 year old behaviour. Give it time. It's OK to grieve for what you have lost but try to keep in mind what you will gain as well.

[meemee]

no mama it wont.

i am a single mom who not only had to work full time with travel time but i also had to share custody with my ex. absolutely no. we are still tied at the hip. dd is 7 i went back to work at 2. what helped was that we coslept and still do.

teh key is he is 3. 3 is a much better age to separate from mom rather than at 2.

how you are at a great place. if your son really has a hard time at the school daddy can watch him. you do have that option. and then try a little later and see how he does.

but nah. put your worries at rest. half the worlds children wouldnt be connected if working moms lost connection with their kids.

it IS hard though. v. v. v. emotionally hard for mommy. you just never know. your ds might have a blast.