My mom lives with us too and it's been challenging lately. Mostly having to do with the kids and her interactions with them.
Though I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL for mornings like today where all the rest of us slept and she (naturally an early riser) got DS up and off to school before any of the rest of us were up!
I *love* things like that don't get me wrong. It's like you said, the yelling. My mom *has* threatened to spank my kids. (but then so have I, and I'm not saying that is right. It's just like it's a license then if *i* have done it...even though I am moving away from it.)
The yelling makes me CRAZY I would LOVE a day without it!
But I am much in the same situation as you OP, my mom makes only about $800/mo. to live on. She can't survive on that. Nor do we want her to. And since my dad passed away, we are literally ALL SHE HAS.
My mom *does* contribute though.
As far as the food, here, DH cooks whatever he wants to make. My mom will *usually* try his/our food. Sometimes we make more 'traditional American' meals too.
If she doesn't like it, she keeps bologna (yuck! but she likes it) around and makes herself a sandwich.
She does not expect us to ONLY make food she likes.
My mom will actually usually have to be 'talked into' our outings, so we get a few of those alone too. (though we typically don't go to restaurants anymore, we don't expect her to babysit so we can, and we don't like paying for food the kids may or may not eat...)
The thing that REALLY gets to me is I think she would totally benefit from some time away from all of us--like a regular outing with ppl her age. She paid to join the Sr. Center last year, but she went to TWO activities that I can recall--the "new members" day, and the Christmas dinner.
I intentionally read the newsletter and point out things i think she might like--
this might sound funny for a 70/yr old woman but I actually suggested the Wii bowling leagues! She used to bowl, and she used to love playing my Nintendo. (we don't currently own a game system, I am waiting to bring that into my house till a child asks for it.)
She has yet to take me up on the idea....but she *did* go to the MS support group meeting I found for her on Google.....so I don't know, maybe there is hope yet that she will start to do some things? I think it would really help her, I know it helps ME to get out.
Oh and also until just recently we didn't have a 3rd vehicle, so I think that was a big part of the issue, even though I didn't *mind* I think she didn't want to leave me without my van.
Here's hoping ALL our situations get better.
(and I would TOTALLY start by just cooking whatever it is you happen to be wanting to cook. She can eat it, or not, and she can buy her own alternatives that she prefers. This is what my mom does--like I said, she likes her bologna sandwiches. We don't eat pork.