world's pickiest 7 year old

[kathymuggle]

I am having issues with my seven year old and am at a loss.

My seven year has an extremely limited diet (her choice - no allergies at play).

This is what she will eat: some fruit, some dariy, nuts and nut butters, and most bread products. No meat, no veggies.

I do worry about her nutrition.

Up until several months ago I would typically make a supper, ask her to eat it, and if she didn't eat it I would reluctantly make her a peanut butter sandwich or whatever other healthy food she would eat. It made for no power struggles (which I know is important), but it also meant she got no veg into her and very little protein.

In an attempt to help her expand her palatte we devised a two bite rule. She needed to take two bites of food before she could move onto anything else. I do not think 2 bites of something is that much to ask. I would also like to say that everyone is entitled to refuse to eat certain things - but she refuses most thing.

We have been very hit or miss with this rule - partly because:
1. sometimes we eat out (where she can find something she likes to eat (fries)
2. I work and DH forgets or is too tired/concerned with her not eating to follow through
3. she leaves the food out and her brother or the dog eat it - and I am not up to making the food - agian.

Up until 2 days ago the rule was she had to eat 2 bites of supper before she moved on. Every half hour or so she would claim she was hungry - but not eat it. Around bedtime there would be much drama as she realised she was going to bed without supper. Her bedtime is 9 - she managed to delay bedtime till 10 the other day by promising she would eat it, just give her a few minutes...

After going through this numerous times on different days (which was very exhausting for everyone, btw) I have decided she now has 30 minutes to eat her food at supper, and if she wants, she can try again well before bedtime but there will be no focuing on not eating food all.day.long.

In any event, I made a wonderful supper last night - 2 variety of wraps and sweet potato baked fries. I told her to take 2 bites of something - she refused. She refused this morning. She has not eaten since about 3:00 yesterday afternoon. Do not worry - this will not go on. I will give in before I go to work - she does have to eat (I am almost crying as I write this), and let her eat whatever healthy thing she wants. I feel like she has outlasted me, and I have put us through the last 24 hours for nothing. I was so sure she would eat this morning as she has to be hungry. I feel like I always give in, though, and I am not being consistant.

I feel like I am stuck between accepting her having an extremely limited diet and a huge power struggle (that may or may not end in her eating more variety). If anyone has any ideas (hugs are always welcome - as are gentle kicks in the rear) I would appreciate it.

If you read this far, thanks, I do feel quite stuck.

On a personal note, I am so tired of focusing on food. My youngest refuses to eat most things, my middle child is a vegan (her choice) so we do have to focus on food more than the average family, my oldest has some sort of nervous stomach that means he cannot eat grease.

I, OTOH, am overeating due to the constant food focus/stress. UGH!

Kathy

[philomom]

Do you have a nutritionist you like? If so, I'd hand them a list of what your daughter will eat and have them sit down with you and your daughter and give your daughter the chat.

As a parent, you are in charge of helping your child literally "grow" to her best potential. It's your job.

An expert can tell you and your daughter what key things she's missing. If she refuses to eat the good food, she will have take supplements of some kind.

If speaking to the food expert doesn't work.. I'd seek a child psychologist next. No way should a seven year old be messing with your family and causing so much drama and stress for all of you. That's too much power for one so small.

[mamabutterfly]

My daughter just turned 8, and I find that now she is old enough to really be able to understand some of the actual facts of nutrition - what different nutrients do for your body, what can happen to your energy level, brain, illnesses later in life (effects on skin, teeth, learning, heart health later, etc etc).

Eating foods because mom says to is not a convincing or helpful argument for her ime. But she's starting to get that she doesn't want her mind and body to function crappily over time.

What would engage your dd in her own food choices? A trip to the book store to pick out her own cool book on how the body works inside and a kids' cookbook of her own? When my daughter chooses and makes her own recipes, she tries them. Going through cookbooks with pictures has really inspired her. She loves having it be her own idea!
Or a trip to the farmers' market where she buys at least one never-tried food? My dd has sampled red lettuce, purple eggplants, rhubarb, and beets this way. She also gets a homemade ice cream at the farmers market, but has to choose a veg for us all to try.

In other words, how could you put this more into her hands as far as choosing the foods she eats and understanding why you shouldn't want to be going without veg and protein.

Good luck, that sounds really hard, mama!

[Alyantavid]

I agree with the pp, get her involved. My son is 8 and knows a good deal about food and nutrition and why we need to eat certain things. That doesn't mean he'll eat anything, but he will try anything at least.

My kids both help meal plan and I take everyone's needs into consideration. The boys can't do dairy and neither them nor dh all like the same things so dinners for us involve alot of different things, but there is at least one part of the meal that everyone likes.

[4evermom]

I hate feeding kids, lol. My guy is very selective. Your dd probably eats more things... The one vegetable he will eat is broccoli, just the tips of the florets with cheese powder (from mac and cheese) on top. Sometimes he'll eat ravioli that has a tiny amount of spinach in it. I'm thrilled he realized he likes banana bread, recently. My last batch had sweet potato mashed in with the bananas, ground oatmeal, ground flax seed, wheat flour, eggs, sugar, and oil. He was never one that went for baked goods so I could never do the muffin technique of putting in nutritious things.

What has helped a lot is understanding just exactly what he is selective about. He does have very mild sensory issues (no one would notice if they weren't paying very close attention.) He likes his food in small bites so sliced banana bread works in a way that muffins didn't. He eats it cut up with a fork, crusts cut off. He doesn't like chunks so he'll eat something with ground nuts but not bigger pieces.

Anyway, I only ask him to taste something if I honestly think he'll like it. And I give him the tiniest of tastes. So he'll usually taste something when I suggest it because he trusts that it is possible he'll like it or at least not find it horrible. When he asks me what he can eat, I'll suggest he have something from a food group he hasn't had any of yet, invariably fruit or a vegetable. Even if he just thinks he ought to eat fruit and vegetables every day, but doesn't actually do it, that's a good step.

He's really been getting reasonable about food, lately. There are still some days where he doesn't have any fruits or vegetables. I just focus of variety when I have the time and energy and don't sweat it too much if he has a mac and cheese day. Maybe it would be a good idea if you did see a nutritionist or did research on your own to see what is missing from a diet of PB and J. Seems to me if it's whole grain bread, natural PB, and jam that it is pretty full of good things. I don't know why you think she isn't getting enough protein if she is eating peanut butter? Legumes and nuts are a great meat substitute. I buy that Ezekiel bread that is made of sprouted grains and even has lentils in it so I feel pretty good if my ds eats a jam sandwich.

[karne]

I guess I would personally back off a little if this is starting to go down the road of power struggles. It's not worth it to do this around food. I am in the club w/you-same aged extremely picky kiddo, although we have avacado as a favorite, so that feels like a good choice. If you have a good multivitamin/mineral supp. I would use that. The list you provided looks like there are some nutrient dense foods in there, esp. nuts/nut butters, dairy(cheese?) and bread if it's whole grain. It doesn't sound too bad actually.

I know we talk about this over in preteen/teen all the time. Food battles become so loaded.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by philomom

... No way should a seven year old be messing with your family and causing so much drama and stress for all of you. That's too much power for one so small.

Agreed.

Afer reading the replies last night (and some this morning) plus reading what I wrote out, I have come to realise the stress and power struggle from the current situation are not OK.

I have somewhat changed tactics. DD and I have made a chart. If she tries five new things , she gets to go to a store and pick out a treat (dollar store or grocery store treat).

I had second thought about this idea the moment it exited my mouth as I do not like bribing kids for stuff. DD, however, latched onto the idea right away - and we had a grand time making a poster. It does put some control into her hands on food - I do not care what she tries in food as long as she tries something, lol. I do not care if she skips a day. We will see how it goes.

I have also decided to start a unit on nutrition, so to speak. I asked her to pick a veggie for study, and she picked tomatoes (much to my suprise) so we are going to do all sorts of cool stuff with tomatoes. Maybe if she knows more about it, she will be more open to it? who knows? Maybe it will just plant seeds in her brain for the future.

Originally Posted by 4evermom

I hate feeding kids, lol.

What has helped a lot is understanding just exactly what he is selective about. He does have very mild sensory issues (no one would notice if they weren't paying very close attention.)....

Anyway, I only ask him to taste something if I honestly think he'll like it. And I give him the tiniest of tastes. So he'll usually taste something when I suggest it because he trusts that it is possible he'll like it or at least not find it horrible. When he asks me what he can eat, I'll suggest he have something from a food group he hasn't had any of yet, invariably fruit or a vegetable. Even if he just thinks he ought to eat fruit and vegetables every day, but doesn't actually do it, that's a good step.

I don't know why you think she isn't getting enough protein if she is eating peanut butter? Legumes and nuts are a great meat substitute. I buy that Ezekiel bread that is made of sprouted grains and even has lentils in it so I feel pretty good if my ds eats a jam sandwich.

I would like to build trust but I am not sure how. Honestly, we do not trust each other in the food department and are not there yet. I am hopeful the chart mentionned above will work, but if it doesn't, we may need to revert to learning about nutrition but not having any expectations of her trying anything for a few months. Maybe we just all need a break.

I think she probably is getting enough protein (that is less of a concern than veggies). She will eat nut butter, drink milk and eat yoghurt. All meat, beans, eggs, and cheese are out. I think the lack off variety overall is as concerning as specific nutritional needs. People are supposed to eat a rainbow of foods, .and she eats, at most, about 15 things. Yes, I counted, lol.

Originally Posted by karne

I know we talk about this over in preteen/teen all the time. Food battles become so loaded.

I know! And I tell them to back off, lol. I think in general it is good advice. Somehow it seems harder when I am talking about myself, though. I do wonder at what point it is not good advice - when is backing off inappropriate and addressing the issue the best course? I just do not know. I think my situation is a gray zone - but leaning towards "back off". She will eat some healthy foods, so she is not in physical/health danger...we just need to find a way to build new healthy habits . And I need to do it in a more positive way than I have been doing.

Thanks everyone!

Kathy

[LauraLoo]

Does your dd know why veggies are important? Or even why eating a balanced diet is important to her growing body?

Would she be open to you hiding veggies in things? FTR, with a child this age and with this history I would not try to sneak them in w/o her knowing that you are doing that. But maybe she'd be open to trying something like this - if she couldn't taste what was really in it. I'm sure you know there are ways to hide veggies in sauces -- I put spinach and carrots in spaghetti sauce, for example. At first I would puree them so that their color wouldn't stand out, but now I just add them into the sauce while it's cooking. A cheese sauce for pasta loaded with cooked califlower and carrots? Special dips for fresh veggies? Lots of butter and salt for cooked veggies? Smoothies are another way of getting a lot of good stuff in. Eggs are another way that you can add protein in to different things. Maybe you could get her agreement to try one new way every couple of days.

I'd x-post in nutrition and see if you can find some other ways to "hide" stuff.

[GuildJenn]

I think you're doing ok.

Honestly although she could use a broader range, depending on which fruit it is she might be almost getting everything she needs, at least for a couple months. I'd supplement, use the chart, and otherwise back off until the end of the summer (while making veggies etc. available) and see what happens.

I *love* the veggie-of-the-week (or whatever time frame) idea.

You can call that new Eat Right Ontario dietician hotline for free if you wanted to see which vitamins/nutrients she might be missing.

[Kuba'sMama]

Hey, I thought the world's pickiest 7 year old lived at my house, lol!
Seriously, it's tough. I totally get what the struggle is... on one hand I don't want to make him special meals and I want him to eat with the rest of the family, on the other hand I want him to eat, period. We also go back and forth here, between forcing and caving, and also doing some Pediasure supplementation when things are really bad. I've had his iron tested, he's weighed by the pedeatrician every 6 months... still 40 pounds, bleh.
I do find there are gradual improvements, and there are things he will eat, in his limited way. Several times a week I serve platter-meals for them, with all kinds of fruit, veggies, dips, crackers, little sandwiches, etc presented in an attractive way. I find he will eat more of that rather than pushing around his dinner with his fork. Still, I wish it was a bit easier to get good food into him.

[Bea]

My advice would be to give up!

I was the world's pickiest child. No joke!

I ate a banana for dinner every night for over a decade and here I am fit, healthy 5' 7", 120lbs and 38 years old.

Chill out Ma, she'll be fine!

[Limabean1975]

Bea, do you eat a variety of foods now?

[umami_mommy]

i have the world's pickiest 7 yo at my house!

does your DD have sensory issues? mine has lots of oral issues. this makes him very selective in what he eats. i had to laugh about the banana thing, he ate a banana for breakfast for 6 months straight when he was about 18 months old! now he eats a pumpernickle bagel for breakfast. gods forbid the store is out, he starves!

anyway, i would look into the sensory issues, it can really help to meet the sensory needs first and then deal with the food issues.

and forget about pushing anything. just let it be. it is what it is, people can't help what they like and don't like. can you?

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by umami_mommy

does your DD have sensory issues?

She does have sensory issues with clothes. She will not wear certain things (socks, jeans) and she really like to wear a dress (perferably without underwear). She can be a bit of a nudist.

I did not think she had oral issues with regards to sensory - indeed up until about a year ago she was a bit more willing to try foods. Can one develop sensory issues in an area???

if I had to pick the root of it I would say a) copying her sister (who is also picky, but her ister is becoming increasingly interested in nutrition so that is going well) or b) control and power struggle.

It could be sensory, though. She does have other sensory issues, and there are sensory issues in our family.

Kathy

[umami_mommy]

my sensory child has gotten more picky and more stubborn the older he is.

[averlee]

One thing I'd like to mention, is the distinction between fruits & veggies may not be that important. (The part of the plant that has the seeds is the fruit, that would include stuff like eggplant and bell peppers.) What I've learned in nutrition classes and from WIC is that you should eat a rainbow of plant foods- all different colors of fruits would be a better selection than just a few types/colors of veggies. If there are about 6 different fruits she likes, she will probably not get scurvy or other malnourishment-related problems. Many people throughout the world live on diets much like you describe- fruit, nuts, and dairy products should actually provide everything the human body needs. 2 fruits, a handful of crackers, and a glass of milk...every meal...would actually be much more healthy than what your average 2nd grader eats!

[Bea]

Originally Posted by Limabean1975

Bea, do you eat a variety of foods now?

I'll eat anything so long as it isn't seafood or celery

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by averlee

One thing I'd like to mention, is the distinction between fruits & veggies may not be that important. (The part of the plant that has the seeds is the fruit, that would include stuff like eggplant and bell peppers.) What I've learned in nutrition classes and from WIC is that you should eat a rainbow of plant foods- all different colors of fruits would be a better selection than just a few types/colors of veggies. If there are about 6 different fruits she likes, she will probably not get scurvy or other malnourishment-related problems. Many people throughout the world live on diets much like you describe- fruit, nuts, and dairy products should actually provide everything the human body needs. 2 fruits, a handful of crackers, and a glass of milk...every meal...would actually be much more healthy than what your average 2nd grader eats!

Interesting!