Switching from one HB MW to another at 32 weeks, help?

[To-Fu]

My current MWs are not a good fit for me, a fact which did not become apparent until I started seeing my current NDs (who are also HB MWs!). I now feel listened to, trusted, and respected in a way I hadn't before.

So my question is: What's the best way to break the news to the old MWs and get my records transferred? I feel like I'm breaking up with someone! And the news is surely to come as a surprise.

I want to be delicate about it, but I have a lot of stress in my life right now and feel the most strongly about avoiding direct confrontation. If I could slip a note under the door and run away, I would.

Anyone done this before? What's the best way to go about it?

[dannic]

No real help, just hugs! I'm not a super confrontational person, so I understand the desire for a "slip it under the door" method.

[Mother Cake]

I wanted to offer my support. That must be so hard. I have not been in your exact situation, but I have had times where I had to end a professional relationship with someone due to irreconcilable differences. You are right; it is a lot like breaking up.

In this kind of situation, I consider two things. First I ask myself how important it is to me to preserve my relationship with the other person. Then I weigh that against how important it is to me to avoid a direct confrontation and decide which approach to use accordingly. I have take both the direct and indirect approach at different times in my life, depending on the circumstances.

One thing that is sometimes a good compromise for me is a "scripted" phone call. I often ask someone to role play the confrontation with me ahead of time, so I can come up with answers to lots possible responses. Then I make notes so I won't get too flustered in the moment. (This only really works on the phone where the other person can't see you looking at your notes.) I use my notes during the call to keep myself on track and make sure I don't say anything I'll regret later.

I wish you luck in making the switch. I'm also glad to hear that you have already found practitioners who are a better fit for you.

[thefreckledmama]

Do you ever communicate through email with your current MW's? If so, if you're needing to avoid confrontation, I would draft an email explaining that you don't feel they're a good fit, and have decided to move forward with someone else. You honestly don't have to elaborate any more than that, unless you choose to.

I can see how "breaking up" with a MW would be much more personal than an OB. When I dumped my last OB, I simply called the receptionist, canceled my next appointment and never scheduled another.

Good luck Mama.

[demetria]

I would just be honest, and I wouldn't drag it out. I would expect my midwives to be professionals and say "I am really happy for you and know we are here". Not every woman needs what any given provider offers and I know I would not want to be the midwife for someone who didn't want me for what ever reason.
We all need different things and it would be impossible for one care provider to be able to fulfill every woman's needs.
Yeah it can suck when you need to find, choose to, or stumble on the right provider, but you found them and for that you are blessed.
I am sure your midwives will have no problem giving you your records.
Good luck and all the best.

[HappyMommy2]

Are you going to expect any refunds from the original midwife? If yes, that means you need to have a little more invested into not burning bridges.

At any rate, I would keep explanations short and simple. You are entitled to do your own thing, and are not obligated to anyone. You don't even need an explanation. You can just say you have chosen to go another route. However, you should do it over the phone and not via email!

I have found midwives (in general) to be kind and understanding women. I think you should keep it honest and gentle, and don't feel guilty!