Fed up with the hitting...need a strategy

[gcgirl]

When I first posted about DS hitting, back when he was, like, 14 months old, everyone said he'd outgrow it. Well, a year and a few months later, he's still at it. He doesn't do it as much, but now he does it more intentionally. I've tried a number of strategies, including giving him extra love and hugs, doing mommy-lap time outs, and being stern, but I think what I really need is an alternative for him.

What can I suggest he do INSTEAD of hitting if he feels like hitting? We had to leave our moms group meeting today because he hit two kids, one of them immediately after I had discussed the first incident with him. The first one was provoked, the second one wasn't. I told him to come to me if he feels like hitting or kicking, but I want to try to redirect his negative energy. I don't know if he is capable of doing X instead of Y at his age (he's not quite 2.5), but I'm just so sick of having to watch him like a hawk because I never know if he's going to hit somebody.

I hate to give the impression that he goes around picking fights, but even occasional hitting is just NOT OK with me. I really want to do something about this.

[Storm Bride]

I can't help, but I'll be watching this thread. DS2 will be five in July, and we're still having trouble with this.

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

I can't help, but I'll be watching this thread. DS2 will be five in July, and we're still having trouble with this.

It's funny...this is almost invariably the first post that goes up on these threads. The "I don't know what to do either" post.

I guess it's one of those age-old problems.

[TEAK's Mom]

The only way I have found to eliminate hitting is to stick to the kid like glue. It is completely exhausting, but be there with him every single minute in situations where hitting occurs. Catch his hand and redirect right there in the moment.

[swd12422]

We have been consistently saying, "Be gentle"/"Be nice" after each hit/attempt to hit and it's finally working. When he hits, we take his hands, say "no hitting, be nice" and show him gentle petting/patting/hugging. And we have LOTS of little conversations about the nice way to touch people instead of hitting and pushing. It is finally starting to work, although there's still hitting going on. It's definitely less frequent and less annoying than it used to be.

[meemee]

dd is 7. she is an extremely intense child with volatile emotions.

she finally stopped hitting at 5 1/2 - around that time she went thru her first what i call angst - preteen peaks. she was extremely frustrated and v. 'hormonal'. she herself would say sometimes she couldnt recognise who was living inside her.

so hitting will come and go. and i notice it peaks during emotional growth spurts. and anything below 5 i can see they are really trying hard to find a different way of expressing anger but they struggle with that. it will go away and then reappear.

throwing of food too i think finally went away around 3 or 4. cant remember. but it was also another one that came and went.

i finally had to change my perspective. what made it easier for me was to accept that i would have to keep on repeating and that one day it would sink in. with my dd she NEEDED a place to vent. and because she was so intense she couldnt just do anything.

also the no. 1 key at that age to help with the hitting was keeping a close eye to seeing if dd was getting enough physical exercise. if she wasnt - the hitting would get worse. the thing is also it helped to see she wasnt 'hitting' me - but more flailing around to get her frustration out of her. she was also at that time too gone in her anger to be aware of her surroundings so i would let her have it out. only then would she even be able to listen to me.

it was also important to keep an eye on her hunger level adn was she getting enough rest. those were key to her hitting. recalling from dd's dc experience i found hitting others persisted till kids were 2 and 3 adn then it really eased off.