so so needy 4yo, I'm at my end...

[MrsH]

I adore my middle child, 4 year old Lucas. He's kind and loving, and so so curious about the world around him. He's just starting to get caught up from a language delay and it's been beautiful getting to know more about how he works as his language has unfolded.

And he's just so needy, so often. He's home with me and the 11 month old baby (whom he adores and loves to play with) except for 2hrs of preschool a day. His teachers say he's a model child there in every way. Not at home. The hardest is that when he wants something that he can't have (or can't do), he wails. And I mean, wails at the top of his lungs. It frankly makes my ears ring, and trying to sit with him doesn't seem to help. Probably because I get so frustrated and just need him to quiet down at all costs. Seems like the gentle approach is to sit with him while he gets all the frustration out, and then gently talk with him. So what do I do when I just can't sit with him? Either because I need to nurse the baby, or because I have to pee, or because his screaming is so horribly loud that I physically can't tolerate it? If I leave him alone like that he starts getting into everything, usually with disastrous results.

I have resorted to picking him up and physically moving him to a different room, and shutting the door. So much for gentle and loving...

Better suggestions?

[Kuba'sMama]

Hi;
I personally don't have anything against removing yourself (or him) when he's wailing. From my experience, some kids are just not in the mood to be reasonable when they are upset. I would make sure he knows why he's removed (even if he doesn't accept it at the moment) and that you will be back when he's calmed down. Then when he is quiet I would talk to him about what made him upset or why he wasn't allowed to do xyz. As hard as we try to be "gentle", sometimes kids just need some limits and it's not like you're yanking him by the arm, throwing him into his room and slamming the door (THAT'S not gentle).

[Katie T]

I agree with the PP, my DS (3 1/2yo) will used to have terrible screaming tantrums and I would set him in the chair and tell him he could come cuddle with he calmed down, I got lucky and he would actually stay there and the crying/screaming would end much quicker than when I would try to hold/comfort him threw a fit. (he would be thrashing seeming to want to be left alone so I followed his lead)

Now when he is mad/done something naughty I tell him to go to the chair and he will and then when he calms down I talk to him briefly (short attention span lol) about why he was in the chair. We don't call it time out and it is in the room with the rest of us, but now he only throws screaming fits when he has missed his nap.

Good luck, some of the stages of raising kids are so trying!