Book about praise/comliments?

[snuggly]

Is there a book about praise/ compliments and the hidden costs of these? I'm looking for it to reference/compare philosophies for school but I can't remember the name... Thought I saw it here somewhere once... TIA!

[Djenn]

Are you thinking of Alfie Kohn?

I've just started reading his stuff... There's "Punished By Rewards" and "Unconditional Parenting".

[twinergy]

Po Bronson’s Nurtureshock (I haven't read it but hear it is great) has a chapter on praise and here is an article he authored. Here is one of Alfie Kohn’s articles on praise. Both these articles reference research; you could also collect names from these articles and look for the source.

[One_Girl]

Alfie Kohn also wrote a book that is geared towards teachers called Beyond Discipline: From Compliance to Community. It is a very good read.

[Thalia the Muse]

Surely no one recommends against COMPLIMENTING your children, do they? I'm not supposed to acknowledge any of my child's actions or characteristics at all in a positive way?

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse

Surely no one recommends against COMPLIMENTING your children, do they? I'm not supposed to acknowledge any of my child's actions or characteristics at all in a positive way?

I need this explained too. I'm sure it makes sense, I just don't "get it" yet.

[Tjej]

The idea is that things are recognized but not with words that use value judgements. Like I could say "You helped me so much! Thank you!" but not "What a good girl! Thank you!" - because my label of "good" is a value judgement. When using value judgements I am telling someone else their worth based on my opinion and I am not instilling pride in accomplishment and letting them decide their own value.

Tjej

[boheime]

It's a matter of extrinsinc versus intrinsic motivation.

If you pick up any book on non-violent communication, there will most likely be a section dedicated to this.

[twinergy]

Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse

Surely no one recommends against COMPLIMENTING your children, do they? I'm not supposed to acknowledge any of my child's actions or characteristics at all in a positive way?

The two web articles I discussed above explain the why and how of praising to build intrinsic motivation and self esteem. Here they are again...

How Not to Talk to Your Kids Po Bronson

Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good Job" Alfie Kohn

[twinergy]

OP, I forgot to mention Mindset by Carol Dweck may be another good book to look at.