Is your laundry ever completely done? - Page 4

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

I posted pages back that i'm a SAHM and mine is never never done, but i just realised i am "done" with laundry, as in there are mountains of it, clean unfolded, clean folded, dirty, undetermined (as in, DD produced it from somewhere but i don't know if it was a wardrobe or a washing basket so it gets indeterminate status for now) all over my house, but *I* am not doing it ANY. MORE. Today anyway.

I love this.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

My MIL was over last weekend talking about how rough a towel in my closet was (they were all nosing about in it with a view to giving an opinion (which MAY have been sought by DH, it wasn't sought by me!) on us taking it out to make the room bigger) and how i should use fabric conditioner. I was thinking that thoughts about the softness of towels are, well, beneath me! Why the heck should i spend time worrying about it!? And then FIL said "i wouldn't use it".

Don't you love it when inlaws come to your home and start making judgements about things different from what they do in their own home?

My MIL does this with little comments and expressions. Maybe she doesn't even realize it.

I've found it's not just a generational thing, it's also about level of education and awareness.

On the other hand, I am guilty of going to their home, at their request, and making comments about two things: the cigarette smoke and the food.

I hate visiting their house because we always leave with a sore throat, congestion, and itchy eyes. Every time. The cigarette smoke is their right to have in their home, but it makes it very unpleasant. And the food is another issue, but it's their prerogative to serve what they want.

It just means we don't visit very frequently, and they wonder why, and then get offended if we mention anything.

[GoBecGo]

Originally Posted by That Is Nice

Don't you love it when inlaws come to your home and start making judgements about things different from what they do in their own home?

My MIL does this with little comments and expressions. Maybe she doesn't even realize it.

I've found it's not just a generational thing, it's also about level of education and awareness.

On the other hand, I am guilty of going to their home, at their request, and making comments about two things: the cigarette smoke and the food.

I hate visiting their house because we always leave with a sore throat, congestion, and itchy eyes. Every time. The cigarette smoke is their right to have in their home, but it makes it very unpleasant. And the food is another issue, but it's their prerogative to serve what they want.

It just means we don't visit very frequently, and they wonder why, and then get offended if we mention anything.

LOL, she and i have VERY different ideas of what is an acceptable level of work/focus for me to have in household chores. I will do the laundry, DH won't have to dry off with a dirty towel, but equally i am not interested in making things softer/brighter etc. It's seriously beneath my note how soft a cloth we dry our butts on is! And really, they make fabric softeners that can make 8 year old towels which are used at the pool and thus suffer chlorine abuse, and which are often washed at 60C due to being gross for one reason or another, soft again? That would HAVE to involve chemicals i wouldn't want on my bare wet skin!

I can remember right before we moved in together she was standing telling me how i should remember to take the plastic "bones" out of the collars in his work shirts and i was like "don't tell me, tell him!" and she was flabbergasted. Seriously, i'm not his mommy! Washing and ironing his shirts is one thing, but having to undo the cuffs and take the plastic bits out of the collars? No thanks, if he was 10 then maybe, but at nearly 40 i think that's a "responsibility" he can handle!

I do get that a lot of it is because he is her baby, and it IS hard to see your kids for the age they are and not the age they WERE, but seriously lady, he's 38.

Every time we talk about household tasks she says "oh, you'll be fine, you just need to get into a routine" and i think, but don't say "only if you consider any of this to be a problem, personally i can totally live with having my laundry lying about and my butt lightly exfoliated when i dry it...." lol. She is genuinely a really sweet woman, she has just been raised to care/think these things are important.

[dawningmama]

Our laundry is never done, our home is never completely clean. It rarely bothers me anymore. They just aren't huge priorities for me and I don't enjoy doing them and I'm really done feeling crappy about it. My worth is not tied up in those things.

We do have a system of sorts. I am partnered and our kids are older (12, 10 and 8) so there are 5 members to do the daily work. We have a chart. Each person has something they are responsible for each day----dishes, laundry, trash, living room or bathroom & hallway. There is a fair bit of missing and trading off that goes on, but it's nice to feel that one person isn't responsible for *everything.*

I work part-time and am more domestically oriented than my partner, so I do a bit more of the deep cleaning and decluttering than he does (well, with the kids' help---they are pretty good if I give them enough direction). He pays the bills and does the bulk of the landscaping and home repair. I'm good with that. I have used FlyLady in the past and now I have a Flylady iphone app that keeps me on track with morning and evening routines and a weekly checklist. I rarely complete any of these task lists but I figure even getting them 1/2 done is better than nothing.

My favorite housecleaning tip comes from Flylady and it's the use of a timer. It's really quite astonishing what you can accomplish in 9 minute intervals. We do housework crosstraining every couple of weeks----usually a Saturday morning. We split up, set the oven timer and clean like mad until it beeps. Then we rotate rooms. 3 rounds and the house is usually company-ready.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

LOL, she and i have VERY different ideas of what is an acceptable level of work/focus for me to have in household chores. I will do the laundry, DH won't have to dry off with a dirty towel, but equally i am not interested in making things softer/brighter etc. It's seriously beneath my note how soft a cloth we dry our butts on is! And really, they make fabric softeners that can make 8 year old towels which are used at the pool and thus suffer chlorine abuse, and which are often washed at 60C due to being gross for one reason or another, soft again? That would HAVE to involve chemicals i wouldn't want on my bare wet skin!

I can remember right before we moved in together she was standing telling me how i should remember to take the plastic "bones" out of the collars in his work shirts and i was like "don't tell me, tell him!" and she was flabbergasted. Seriously, i'm not his mommy! Washing and ironing his shirts is one thing, but having to undo the cuffs and take the plastic bits out of the collars? No thanks, if he was 10 then maybe, but at nearly 40 i think that's a "responsibility" he can handle!

I do get that a lot of it is because he is her baby, and it IS hard to see your kids for the age they are and not the age they WERE, but seriously lady, he's 38.

Every time we talk about household tasks she says "oh, you'll be fine, you just need to get into a routine" and i think, but don't say "only if you consider any of this to be a problem, personally i can totally live with having my laundry lying about and my butt lightly exfoliated when i dry it...." lol. She is genuinely a really sweet woman, she has just been raised to care/think these things are important.

Exactly.

I think women have more traditional expectations lofted on them, along with the modern ones, than men, at least with regard to my inlaws.

My inlaws would love to see me play a more traditional housewife role to DH...as long as I work and bring in a paycheck, too!

I've heard a few comments (not many) about having supper on the table for the family. I've never heard them say something like that to DH to make sure he has the supper on the table ready for us.

I've never heard them say anything about DH, as the husband and his traditional role. Oh, no. And I've never heard them say anything about his modern husband/dad role helping a working wife and mother. Oh, no.

Let's just say they'll always be biased and they'll always have whatever works best for DH in mind, even if it's contradictory.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by dawningmama

My worth is not tied up in those things.

I hear you. No, my worth isn't tied up in those things either.

I don't feel worthless or less of a woman blah blah blah if I don't do the laundry, etc.

No. Not at all.

But I do like to wear clean clothes. I like to have clean dishes available for meals. I don't like stepping on crumbs constantly as I walk. Last night I had clean pajamas for bed and a freshly made bed at that, something that hasn't happened in well over a year, and it was heaven.

I like looking presentable and having a clean kid, clean quarters, and things under control, not out of control.

It basically sucks when you wear pants to work because there is no clean underwear (TMI, I know) and then the second week it occurs you think, I really need time to do laundry!! It was such nice weather here today and I was thinking how nice it would be to wear a skirt and sandles to work, but I had not one pair of clean underwear. I just don't have time to keep on top of everything and it impacts the quality of life.

More times than I care to admit, I don't have any clean pots or pans and I end up ordering out for dinner, which I don't want to spend the money doing and I don't really like the nutritional content.

My self-worth is definitely tied to working, though. I think it's been drilled into me since grade school, probably. I didn't exactly feel worthless as a SAHM, and DH's attitude didn't help for sure, but even if I'd had someone buttering me up, I would have felt self-doubt for not working. It's such a huge part of everything I was prepared to do from grade school on. I didn't go to high school thinking I'd be a housewife, you know? The teachers certainly didn't encourage that.

[Teenytoona]

Hoo boy no, my laundry is never done... Neither is anythign else. I consider it almost done if I have more piles of clean than dirty.

But the rest of the house, well it's worse than that yet. Messy messy messy.

[justKate]

That is Nice, I think we're married to the same guy. Seriously, it can be so depressing at times, because our priorites at home are just not the same. For example, we're moving in about 14 mos, and I'm not buying a new couch before we move. Not happening. So he sits his 215 lb. @$$ on the same end of the old couch at every opportunity, and now my couch is permanently flat on one side. Could you please sit on the other end? Sit in the chair? Get up and do something? Not worth the battle.

On the other hand, he makes more money than me and is very generous. He goes along with my AP ideas, even when he thinks they're silly or hippy or voodoo. He is incredibly loyal and lots of fun and willing to try anything. Just not so good at being clean or orderly.

I have to work 40 hrs. + due to student loans. Although I "outsource" the serious cleaning (again, Huz is very generous b/c he knows its important to me), I start with the laundry that matters and work my way down the list. Once a week: DD's clothes (one load, once a week.) My work clothes. My comfy clothes. Towels/rags/left over socks. If/when I have time: sheets & huz's clothes.

Dishes get done every other day. Counters/floors wiped every evening. Bottles cleaned, toys pushed in to a pile, trash thrown away. DD (14 mos) takes care of any crumbs on the floor.

Guess I'm rambling here, but OP, you're not really the only one, as you can see. You're just setting the standard too high. So long as you have clean clothes for the next day and your kids have clean clothes for the next day, you're in good shape. Your Huz will figure it out for himself if he has to. And if you use a stinky towel or sleep on funky sheets...well, so what? It's not really what matters.

to you. I'll be thinking of you the next time my Huz asks me "do I have any clean socks?"

ETA: the other thing you can do is "plan" to have one day during the week when you order out, let everyone eat junk and watch junk on cable, and get the laundry done. That would not make you a bad mama!!

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by justKate

That is Nice, I think we're married to the same guy. Seriously, it can be so depressing at times, because our priorites at home are just not the same. For example, we're moving in about 14 mos, and I'm not buying a new couch before we move. Not happening. So he sits his 215 lb. @$$ on the same end of the old couch at every opportunity, and now my couch is permanently flat on one side. Could you please sit on the other end? Sit in the chair? Get up and do something? Not worth the battle.

On the other hand, he makes more money than me and is very generous. He goes along with my AP ideas, even when he thinks they're silly or hippy or voodoo. He is incredibly loyal and lots of fun and willing to try anything. Just not so good at being clean or orderly.

I have to work 40 hrs. + due to student loans. Although I "outsource" the serious cleaning (again, Huz is very generous b/c he knows its important to me), I start with the laundry that matters and work my way down the list. Once a week: DD's clothes (one load, once a week.) My work clothes. My comfy clothes. Towels/rags/left over socks. If/when I have time: sheets & huz's clothes.

Dishes get done every other day. Counters/floors wiped every evening. Bottles cleaned, toys pushed in to a pile, trash thrown away. DD (14 mos) takes care of any crumbs on the floor.

Guess I'm rambling here, but OP, you're not really the only one, as you can see. You're just setting the standard too high. So long as you have clean clothes for the next day and your kids have clean clothes for the next day, you're in good shape. Your Huz will figure it out for himself if he has to. And if you use a stinky towel or sleep on funky sheets...well, so what? It's not really what matters.

to you. I'll be thinking of you the next time my Huz asks me "do I have any clean socks?"

ETA: the other thing you can do is "plan" to have one day during the week when you order out, let everyone eat junk and watch junk on cable, and get the laundry done. That would not make you a bad mama!!

I love your post. Thanks. The practical advice is good. I do try to think day to day. If I get a load of laundry done (today) and one other thing (groceries, today, yeah!) then it's a day where I've accomplished something (oh, yeah, and work, too, which I'm running behind on and will need to finish up later tonight when I have good ideas again).

Our husbands sound similar.

But my husband is definitely not generous. Or loyal. But he does put up with the AP beliefs, for the most part, mainly because he's a slacker when it comes to getting info and reading and also because I'm feisty and well read and will be able to defend my viewpoints with facts. But he still thinks they're "hippie," and I wouldn't be surprised if he called them "voodoo" someday. That seems like something he would say.

He was raised by a woman who was very white bread, who never really questioned Dr. Spock or her local, small town physician, and who was a little behind her times when it came to formula feeding, breastfeeding, homebirth, starting solids, all that. She raised her kids in the 70s, but she really raised them like they were living in the 50s/early 60s. And so a lot of things that are common to me are "odd" to DH.



It's just the start of the problems, though.

Does your husband have a potty mouth? My husband swears way too much. If I could change one thing about him...hmmm...that might be it. Even more than the laziness.