Will DS stop liking me?

[laughymama]

I know...the title sounds so silly...

I'm due in August with our 2nd! We have a 22 month old little boy. He's wonderful and honestly, I am lucky. He's wild but very flexible and not much bothers him. He adjusts to lifestyle changes smoothly, without any sort of problems.

He's very attached to DH. I love this. I've fostered it and encouraged their connection from day one by encouraging DH to take him out alone and he was always very involved with parenting him and still is.
I stay at home. When DH is here though and DS has a choice, he prefers DH. This does not bother me. I know it's because he's with me every day, all day and I'm always here. DH is gone to work 9-10 hours out of the day, 6 days a week. So when he IS here, DS is all about Daddy. I enjoy seeing this and honestly, I count it as a blessing because it gives me a break. I really do have it good.

DS spends the night at my parents' one night a week. It's a win-win for everyone. My parents adore him, he loves them and DH and I love the nice break we get to recharge. This is wonderful and I know it is. DS ADORES my mother and father. If we're together, he prefers Grandma over me. I have no idea why but I feel a little sad sometimes about this. I know that it's because his relationship with his Grandma is special and I get it. I was VERY close to my Grandma growing up and would have lived there if given the chance. I preferred her over anyone else in the world and our connection was so special to me.
So I am so happy DS has that with my mother and typically I can talk sense into myself if I find myself feeling sad or hurt by his preference for her.

So here's my issue. We are building a house on the same property. Essentially it will be a multi-generational living situation. We'll be 40 feet away from their house. We've discussed boundaries and all of that and I am SO grateful that once the new baby is here I'll have my mom there to help me out with housework, dinners and the kids. It's a fantastic arrangement.

I'm just feeling really worried that once the new baby gets here I won't get to spend as much energy/time on DS. And I know it probably sounds silly but I just picture him being much more attached and liking my mom more than me because I'll be nursing the baby or busy trying to divide my time and she'll always be there to give him attention and what he needs. Essentially I'm afraid he will not love me as much. I know it sounds childish but it really is how I feel.
And honestly, now that I've typed this all out...maybe I'm feeling insecure in our attachment already.

I Can look at it from an outside point of view and see the logic here. I stay at home with him, devote all my time and energy to being at home with him and running our home so he feels secure with me. He knows I'm here. So I should be confident in that, right? I should be glad he feels so comfortable and secure that I'll always be here for him.

I guess I Just need reassurance and some encouragement. I'm also a bit hormonal so I think I've been feeling sensitive lately and that's probably why his obvious preference for DH and Grandma have probably been bothering me lately when normally it would not upset me.

I guess I read about some of you mamas and how your child is all about Mama so sometimes I worry that maybe I'm doing something wrong and that's why DS isn't ALL about me ALL the time.

I feel so childish but I think I just need to hear from other Mamas for a confidence boost or something.

[Smokering]

He'll still like you. You might find there's a bit of a transition period, before the novelty of having other people around wears off, but... you're his mother.

DH and I are looking at getting a flatmate/boarder/homestay student in, and to be honest I expect DD will vastly prefer whoever it is over me for the first week or so. The novelty won't last forever, though, and then she'll just have more people to hang out with - which is great!

[hopefulfaith]

He'll love you. You sound like a wonderful mom with a terrific family.

If we're with someone else, my kids will always prefer them over me. It's simple: very few other people "make" them brush their teeth/clear their plates/whatever else. I'm the Mom. Everyone else gets to be Fun Person! who plays/entertains. I have no novelty since we stopped nursing. I am usually okay with that, but once in a while I whip out my Fun Mom! credentials and let them eat a cookie for breakfast. Then I'm their favorite person again. They're fickle like that. Most days, it's "When is Dad coming hooooommmme? I miss Daaaaad."

Seriously, though -- you are a great mom. It will be good.

[alexsam]

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be times that he "likes" other people "better" and kids (esp. boys) go through big Daddy favorite stuff at 3-6 or so. When you are going the newborn thing, he might seek comfort in a grandma lap.

But... he's only got one mother and you are it. There is enormous power in that relationship. It will survive lifes little ups and downs just as it would survive anything else that could happen in this life.

[Linda on the move]

you are the mommy, so you will get taken for granted from time to time, but you will always be at the top of his love list. It's hard wired into him!

[Norasmomma]

DD has been a Daddy's girl for much of her life, only recently has she decided I'm cool too. DS on the other hand is a complete and total mommas boy.

If DH is gone she pouts, I miss daddy, where is daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy....it's quite annoying honestly.

[journeymom]

Don't worry about it. I predict that around August he'll suddenly want all your attention again.

[reezley]

Also, remember that when the baby comes, you can have your parents watch/hold/play with the *baby* sometimes -while you have one-on-one time with older ds.

My ds1 was 27 months when ds2 was born. I actually did go through a period then where I was saddened about my relationship with ds1 - he loved his new brother but sometimes acted out aggressively toward him, and seemed out-of-sorts and so far away from me. I missed him, since I did spend so much time nursing, and also no longer did bedtime and cosleep with ds1, since dh took over nighttimes with ds1. I guess I felt ds1 was angry at me! But, really he still loved me just as much, and it was my job to keep trying to make the connection with him, by carving out the time to spend with him, and talking to him about how much I love him, etc. He wanted and needed that too, just didn't put it into words. Things are pretty much back to normal now - a new, busier normal though! DH's relationship with him is still special, and now he has a whole new great relationship, with his brother. As a mom of two (now they're 3 and 5), I don't get the same kind of time one-on-one with each kid. It's a different kind of thing. But they have each other. And we do things the three of us. And having grandparents close is, as you recognize, a great thing too! (We don't live as close to mine anymore, wish we did!) But as others said, YOU are still mom, and he WILL still need and love you!!