Afraid of dark, developmental phase?

[marshapn]

My 3.5 yr old DD has suddenly become afraid of the dark. She co-sleeps and we stay with her until she is asleep. Normally it takes 10-15mins for her to fall asleep, but now she's intensely focused on the dark, and won't let herself drift off into a deep sleep for a long time. She also used to only allow me to put her to bed, but now she at times wants her dad, then me, etc.

I'd love suggestions on how to deal with this! We're staying patient, leaving a flashlight on while she falls asleep, telling her we'll be there (we leave quietly once she's asleep and she never wakes up while we're not in the room) and talking with her about the dark. But her anxiety has been increasing nonetheless.

I feel like this might be linked to a developmental phase relating to separation/understanding death etc. Am curious to understand the specifics more of how this is linked to social issues she's trying to work out in her head.

Thanks!

[just_lily]

Can you talk to her about what specifically is freaking her out? Does she imagine monsters under the bed? Is there a chair with clothes piled on it that looks scary once the lights go off? If you can nail down exactly what is scary you could include a few minutes to look under the bed or in the closet, or check out anything scary before turning off the lights.

I think kids with active imaginations are more likely to be afraid of the dark. I had to sleep with the hall light left on and my door open for years as a kid.

[marshapn]

Thanks for your input! She has vague fears (things moving, noises), so we'll turn on the light, show her nothing in moving and talk her through whatever else she mentions, but to no avail.

She's also extremely articulate for her age and so the fact that she is so vague makes me think this is about something else that she does not have the emotional capacity to express and is, in a sense, grasping at straws herself. I get that--if I am right--being confused about feeling something and not being able to express it is very anxiety-producing.

So am really curious if this relates to a typical developmental phase at the social level and what that may be specifically.