It's official.

[OvenSeeksBun]

This is my first thread in the "Infertility" forum. I've made myself comfortable in "Trying to Conceive", but it has been a year an a half.

I received a letter in the mail yesterday. I have an appointment at http://www.heartlandfertility.mb.ca/index.html for July 9th (we're seeing Dr. Kredentser, if you go under Your Team). My GP sent in a referral in February and told me that since we've been trying for over a year, the cost will be covered by our provincial health care. He told me to continue charting, and to bring the charts to the appointment.

DH saw his doctor as well, and his doctor sent him for a semen analysis. I thought he was lovely not to make us wait several months for this simple test. The results:

Volume: 5.50mL (1.5 - 6mL is normal)
Count/mL: 36,000,000 (>20 million is normal)
Count/spec: 198,000,000 (>50-60 million is normal) <-- does this one seem weird to you?
Motility: 70% motile (>60% is normal)
Speed: 4 (>2 is normal)
Morphology: 80% normal (>60% is normal)

Normal sperm, so that's good.

I should be happy that I have an appointment "to look forward to" - some answers, hopefully. Instead I feel depressed because this is confirmation: we are dealing with infertility. Typing the word brings tears to my eyes. I also feel like a loser because a year and half is really nothing, in the grand scheme of things.

I guess I just had to share. There's nobody IRL that I can commiserate with on this topic.

[saimeiyu]

I can definitely empathize with that feeling. We're on month 20 right now, I think. It's definitely depressing. Infertility is such a depressing word, too. And it's doubly depressing when other people just don't seem to get it, and they either make light of it, or keep on making comments about "when" you're going to "start" trying for a baby.

Sorry you're here. I hope some of this will be useful for you.

[OvenSeeksBun]

Thanks for the commiseration. And you're exactly right - I'm at a point in my life where everyone is getting anxious for us to start a family. We've been married nearly 3 years and I've always said I wanted to be a "young mom" (which, sadly, makes me feel like my biological clock is ticking away at 25)

[Tear78]

Wendy, giving a label to what we're going through is so hard. However, it allowed us to start taking steps to figure out what's wrong, and for that I'm thankful. I hope as you move forward with testing and such that you start to feel a little more sense of progress. Hooray for good sperm numbers!!! I hope this is the beginning of a solution for you guys.

[Phantaja]

My first visit to an infertility specialist I cried and cried and cried. I cried on the way there. I cried in the waiting room. I cried in the office and on the exam table and while talking to the nurse after. It was the most ridiculous thing ever.

Really, it's just not fair. This feeling of "why me?" kept engulfing me, especially while surrounded by the walls plastered with pics of someone elses "li'l miracle." It wasn't my H. It was me. Me. Me. Me.

I hope that your appointment brings you answers. But yeah, it still sucks.

[KellyTTC#1]

You're definately not alone in your feelings. I have been in that exact same position myself and it is not easy.

You will get through this but it will take some time to come to terms with everything. When it comes down to it you do what is right for you in the timelines thare are right for you.

[OvenSeeksBun]

Thanks everyone.

saimeiyu:

Tear78: That's kind of how I feel. I hate the label but feel like it is a necessary part of figuring this out and moving on. I'm kind of annoyed at DH's doctor though. When DH went to see him to get his sperm analysis results, the doc basically said that since all's well with the sperm, I must just have a "blockage", which is a really simple fix - so voila! Only possible problem

Oh if only it were true.

Phantaja: Oh yeah, I've done a good deal of crying already, and I'm sure there's a lot more to come. I'm not even an emotional person, but somehow this just makes me feel like I'm broken. I've always taken good care of my body, so it should do what it was designed for, right?

The part that kills me is that it was agony for me to put myself on hormonal birth control, I was so scared it would harm my fertility in some way. But DH insisted, and then I was on the HBC for one year. I'm sure it has nothing to do with this, but you just can't help but wonder...

Kelly: Thanks. And congrats, I see you're coming out on the other side

[KJRSMR]

You have so many of us just like you. That is why we are here. Like you DH and I tried for 2 years and after several losses we moved over to infertility. I promise you that the appoinments get easier and as I sit and nurse my twins daily the journey is so worth the wait. Don't give up and feel free to pm me any time!!