another hurtful comment...

[mamamoogs]

yet again.... A old friend comes to town to visit has kiddos that are around the same age as mine and comments how advanced her kiddos are in school.... Ok so yes they are very smart and in gifted classes, but don't know anything about flying kites, going for hikes, planting a gardens etc.... My kids do! but I dont make comments, but then the worst comment yet to come from her as we are driving, she makes a statement to me that every homeschool kid she has met was really weird, and then I say oh thanks alot and she says oh I didnt mean your kids were weird just most of them. WTH was that, well the visit was pretty much over after that anyhow and back to her home state she went, couldnt have ended soon enough for me!

Not to mention her child continued to harass and make fun of how my 5 year old talks... UGH People can be so mean!

[an_aurora]

Wow how incredibly rude!

[I Love My Life]

I can understand how that'd be hurtful. I'm very sorry.

[mntnmom]

That would make me really angry too. But aren't you glad your 5 yr old doesn't have to put up with kids like that every day? That's my silver lining to interactions like that.

[mattemma04]

I would probably send off a letter about how disappointed I was with the visit.

Even if my child were getting straight A's that would be completely negated if I found out they were making fun of a child. I would be so ashamed. Obviously the child has learned via the mother that it is OK to put down others. I would let the mother know how I felt,and then ask that she no longer contact me.Obviously the paths taken by each of you have veered to far apart to keep any sort of relationship going.

Hugs!

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

thats awful, my dc do go to school and are doing well but do i think they would do just well not in school, yes i do actually a lot of the things they learnt before going to school, counting the alphabet (properly not phonics) colours etc, i only sent them to school because i didn't realise i had the choice.
We are hoping to move to Scarborough and i'm wanting to home school when we move.
These people are not the kind you need to be interacting with you and your dc you are worth a lot more.

[soxthecatrules]

I'm so so sorry mama. Its hard to hear comments like that when you know you're doing the best for your children.

[momtokea]

Originally Posted by mamamoogs

yet again.... A old friend comes to town to visit has kiddos that are around the same age as mine and comments how advanced her kiddos are in school.... Ok so yes they are very smart and in gifted classes, but don't know anything about flying kites, going for hikes, planting a gardens etc.... My kids do! but I dont make comments, but then the worst comment yet to come from her as we are driving, she makes a statement to me that every homeschool kid she has met was really weird, and then I say oh thanks alot and she says oh I didnt mean your kids were weird just most of them. WTH was that, well the visit was pretty much over after that anyhow and back to her home state she went, couldnt have ended soon enough for me!

Not to mention her child continued to harass and make fun of how my 5 year old talks... UGH People can be so mean!

Those are very hurtful comments and I would be very upset, too.
After awhile, though, you realize that the comments are always the same ones over and over again, and you learn the right comebacks.

You can reply with "That's great! I'm so happy for you and your kids! I know my children would also be in the gifted classes but I'm so glad they don't have to live with that kind of superficial categorization and competition. I can already see the benifits of not having any of that in our lives."

Homeschooled kids are weird: "Really? And how many homeschooled kids do you actually know?? Because I have met so many since we started homeschooling and none of them are weird. They are the most interesting kids I have ever met. And my child has never once been teased by a homeschooled child about his speech. School kids have teased him. It is shocking to me how rude schooled kids are!!"

Just have fun giving it back to her.

[One_Girl]

I think she should have used more tact and not said what she did about homeschooled children even if it is something she truly believes. I don't think she was intentionally trying to offend you though by talking about how well her kids were doing. It is very common for parents to talk about their kids up and down sides to their friends. I have heard parents who homeschool do the same thing when we are at activities geared towards homeschooled children. I sometimes find myself questioning how well I have done as a parent because even though my dd is slightly ahead of her class there are so many kids who are further than her. I have to constantly remind myself that kids learn at their own pace and there is nothing wrong with either of us just becuase she isn't reading 5th grade material and multiplying numbers in her head. Our society seems to be starting to think that average is the new struggling and that any kid who isn't advanced has a deficit. I have to remind myself not to buy in and to be happy for my friends while also being happy for my child and where she is. Kids learn at their own pace, especially when they are young. In a few years it will be hard to know who's kid learned to add or read first and who's took a little longer and needed a little extra help.

[Juvysen]

ok... fwiw, I'm planning to homeschool, but my aunt homeschools and her kids *are* weird... I think they'd be weird anyway, tho... they just had less harassment to deal with from peers than they would have had they gone to school It's so ridiculous for someone to attribute it to the homeschooling, but really, if being mean and obnoxious is "normal" then "weird" sounds pretty good, to me...

It's not like there aren't any "weird" kids at school

[craft_media_hero]

Sorry to hear that mamamoogs!

So far we haven't had to deal with much negativity about hs-ing. I don't know what I'd do in that situation--it does sound like telling her how you felt about her comment and her child teasing yours would be a good idea.

Tsk, tsk. I wish you strength in the face of all the adversity!

[almama]

Sounds as if she would be a rude guest in many homes - turn it into a learning experience for your kids about how not to behave in someone's home.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by momtokea

Homeschooled kids are weird: "Really? And how many homeschooled kids do you actually know?? Because I have met so many since we started homeschooling and none of them are weird. They are the most interesting kids I have ever met. And my child has never once been teased by a homeschooled child about his speech. School kids have teased him. It is shocking to me how rude schooled kids are!!"

I seriously wonder if these people HAVE actually met hs'd kids. Not to say there aren't weird hs'd kids out there--I realize there are; but I find it hard to imagine anyone of the general populus running into dozens of them. JMO

[~Boudicca~]

Oh jeez. That is so rude! I'm so sorry you had to listen to that crap.

Reminds me of a conversation I had when I met my new neighbors last week. I mentioned that we homeschool and they chimed in with, "Oh we have a friend that does that with her son and it's so surprising, he is so social, you wouldn't expect that from a homeschooled kid."

[Starflower]

Sorry to hear your old friend didn't act like much of a friend. That doesn't sound like a fun visit at all.

I am always amazed that people feel like it's OK to comment on homeschoolers' choices like it's their business. I don't mind people who are curious and who ask questions, but the judgmental ones seem to have major boundary issues.

[Ruthiegirl]

Ah yes, another benefit of homeschooling -- you find out who your real friends are.

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by mamamoogs

she makes a statement to me that every homeschool kid she has met was really weird

I would consider this a compliment. It means they don't worry about fitting in and conforming to the norm in order to blend in and be invisible. Ok, I know she didn't mean it that way, but my gut reaction would probably be "hey, that means I'm doing my job!"

I read a nice book on this called Bringing Up Geeks: How to Protect Your Kid's Childhood in a Grow-Up-Too-Fast World

[laohaire]

My stepSIL told us to our faces that we would be turning our kid into a basket case if we homeschooled her. Man, that was WAY over the line.

Whenever I think about that statement, I think about the saying "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Now, I'm going to sound judgemental but honestly this never even occured to me until she said that. She has a DD, 3 years older than ours. And her DD is public schooled of course. While ours is so social and sweet that she actually has a veritable fan club around town (long story), hers is barely verbal (not special needs, just really awkward). It ticks me off so much that she can sit there and smugly tell us what we're doing wrong with our kid, when all the things that are supposedly wrong (kids are "weird" or "asocial") are simply and blatently not so, and her kid is apparently above scrutiny even though she IS weird and asocial. But at least she goes to public school! Argh, I hate even THINKING that stuff about a kid, her DD is sweet, and that her mother's nastiness would even make me consider this is just evidence that nastiness spreads.

Last time we visited them, though, I could see that big mouths and judgements run in her family. StepSIL's mother is a real piece of work and she was loudly complaining about how her granddaughter mumbles everything right in front of a dozen people, StepSIL AND her DD included.

Anyway, I have to put up with StepSIL unless we cut off the ILs overall, but if she were my "friend" I'd spend my time on more worthwhile pursuits.

[teastaigh]

Sorry that your friend was unkind and unsupportive and competitive. I add that because I think she's jealous. That's what my husband would say anyway. Most of the hurtful things lobbed at us are all about the speaker and rarely about us at all. Still, it hurts.

My sister teaches homeschoolers in one of those public-school-making-money enrichment programs. She regularly goes off about homeschoolers. It used to really grind me up. Now, it just makes me sad -- for her, for her students, for me, and for our relationship.

Moms can be really mean to each other -- even, or maybe especially, among supposed friends.

What my husband always encourages is to either ignore the person (if you have no investment in them and your relationship) or to speak up positively and with conviction and contradiction.

Example:
Friend, "All the homeschoolers that I know are unattractive, unstylish, weird nerds who look like they comb their hair with a porkchop and will end up working at a 7-11."
Me: "Gee, that's not my experience at all. Homeschooling is so prevalent here that we know many families and they just seem to be kind, well-adjusted, happy, loving, nonjudgmental people who are finding their gifts and really enjoying childhood. They give me great hope for the future and really encourage me to keep homeschooling."

It helps to practice. If your husband doesn't like to play mean-mom-friend, I'm sure you can enlist a girlfriend who will be pretty convincing to practice on as we all seem to have to put up with mean behavior.

peace,
teastaigh

[dancebaraka]

Originally Posted by Ruthiegirl

Ah yes, another benefit of homeschooling -- you find out who your real friends are.

exactly what i was thinking ...