I just wanted to check in. I'm trying to be better about posting here but its still hard to break out of the grief section lol.
There is still no news on Megan. There has been no new developments so Im sure they will diagnose her with SUDC, basically toddler SIDS.
I'm doing, im moving forward as much as I dont want to. I miss her so much, my heart hurts for her so much. I hope that no one here ever has to go through this.
Ill hear people say how they could never do it, they coudlnt' go on etc and I just want to laugh. I feel crass, sometimes in my other online group i want to say things jokingly like i belong to the dead kid club and then i back up and realize other people might take offense or feel awkward about it but its a way ive had to heal. And ive always had that kind of sense of humour.
Im constantly feelling like Im the one walking on egg shells when hello IM THE ONE who had the kid die. You start to feel crazy and the thoughts and the fears are just never ending.
My patience level is just gone and yet I have more than i used to sometimes. Life is just a whirlwind.
Sometimes I dont' know how i manage to breathe everyday and make it through and then others I wonder how I managed to make it through with only one cry. I cry every day sometimes no more than a eye watering and then sometimes those awful back breaking sobs.
I miss her so much. My sweet angel.
I'm trying to get good about blogging and I copied and pasted a bunch of my blogs from facebook into blogger. It helps to write and it helps to know people read my writings.
Its not pretty like some people lol im definitley a newbie at ithttp://mamajamajenny.blogspot.com/
anyways there is my update
thank you all for the support and kindness