This was odd, right? (playdate)

[Qestia]

Tuesday the director of our preschool sent an email to all the parents saying so-and-so's mom was inviting all the kids over for a playdate Wednesday, in the afternoon (while the school was normally open). We just needed to sign a release and she would walk the kids (with the help of a teacher) over to her house. The teacher would return to school leaving the mom and kids in her house.

I really, really found this wierd.

The class is small, about ten kids, but I don't know the mom other than to say hi to her at drop off and pick up, I've never been her home, and don't even know the name of her spouse, whether their home is childproofed, who else resides in the home, etc. etc. The kids are four years old.

I offered to help walk the kids to her house. She refused.

So I invited myself over and she let me come.

I was the only parent there! (and all the preschoolers attended) I didn't want to interfere, so I just parked out of the way with my book. The mom had also hired a couple of older neighborhood kids to help (who I also didn't know). It was fine, the kids had fun, but I know the mom thinks I'm totally bizarre.

I was talking with DH and he asked at what age I would have let DS go on such a playdate unattended. And I said never.

Before my DS goes to a home without me present--at any age--I want to know

1. the names of the parents, whether they seem to be trustworthy
2. who else will be there
3. what their house is like -- do they have vicious dogs, unsecured trampolines, swimming pools, alcohol, p@rn (seriously--my mom let me go on a couple playdates without doing due diligence and on two occasions p@rn was just laying out in the living room and both occasions ended pretty badly).

I mean, even when he's a teenager I will want to know the above three things. And as a preschooler--I will want to confirm those things with my own two eyes and have enough of a relationship with the parents to get a feel for their judgement before letting my son go over.

Was this bizarre or what?

[proudmamanow]

totally bizarre, I agree. I'm really really surprised the preschool agreed to this? Was it a special occasion like a birthday? I'm with you, Qestia. I totally would have been the mom who came along, complete with novel. Even if her intentions were good...still seems bizarre to me....

[chaoticzenmom]

Weren't the kids already on a "playdate"....at the school?

Why was it necessary or even a good idea to take them all to someone's house? Don't they get to play at school? Wouldn't there be liability issues? No other parent though this was strange?

I would have been like you and gone over there or just said "no" on the permission slip and called the director with my concerns. Was this in the U.S.?

[Alyantavid]

Very strange.

I probably wouldn't have signed the release at all, but I think you handled it well.

[beanma]

I agree. Weird. When my dd1 was in K a couple of different families had the class over for a field trip to their houses. That was different, though, with the teachers there and several other parents as chaperones. I guess maybe they felt like since the class was small everyone was tight? Definitely a little odd in my book.

[ollyoxenfree]

I think you handled the situation well. I think it's very odd to schedule a playdate during preschool hours, and then to involve the school in the organization. Is this family connected or involved in the preschool somehow?

As for the other parents, perhaps some of them already knew this family and this home. They may have done their due diligence on a previous occasion.

[Juvysen]

weird. I can't see being ok with that as a parent, and I can't see the daycare I worked at ever encouraging that.

[jeanine123]

Very weird. I would also be the one who would either go there with my child or not permit my child to go. I would also be having a talk with the pre-school's director or owner. When I pay for my child to attend pre-school that is exactly what I expect him to be doing. I am NOT paying for him to attend play group at another family's home.

[2boyzmama]

Yeah...kinda odd. I definitely have to "pre-approve" play date locations, and for me it's for things like you mentioned, plus whether there are any smokers in the home, letting the parents know about my kids' allergies, etc.

Originally Posted by jeanine123

Very weird. I would also be the one who would either go there with my child or not permit my child to go. I would also be having a talk with the pre-school's director or owner. When I pay for my child to attend pre-school that is exactly what I expect him to be doing. I am NOT paying for him to attend play group at another family's home.

I hadn't even thought of that, but yeah, you were PAYING for that hour (or however long) that your child was there!

If I had gone, I would have likely tried to strike up a conversation with the other mom, try to get to know her, try to see if it was a friendship I wanted to cultivate.

[mom23kidsinutah]

Hmmm that is a little strange. I think you did the right thing though by coming along.

[GuildJenn]

I find it extremely odd the school went along with it and especially that the teachers didn't stay. You weren't given a lot of time to make the decision. That would really concern me.

That said I think the mum must either really be desperate for connection or something to even offer. I think I'd talk to her more about it.

[Grace and Granola]

At first I thought maybe it was just like a field trip. A trip to someone's house who maybe had some extra special fun kid things, like a trampoline, bounce house, etc. Sort of a picnic. But for the teachers to LEAVE? That is outrageous, considering you are paying THEM probably a good sum of money to care for your children. That is the part i would not be ok with.

[dogretro]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Weren't the kids already on a "playdate"....at the school?

Why was it necessary or even a good idea to take them all to someone's house? Don't they get to play at school? Wouldn't there be liability issues? No other parent though this was strange?

Agreed.

I used to work at a daycare center & I totally think that is just weird. I would not have felt comfortable going, nor would I have let my child go. Doubly weird that the teacher(s) did not stay.

If she invited everyone over for a playdate AFTER school, w/ the parents, that would be fun.

[To-Fu]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Weren't the kids already on a "playdate"....at the school?

Why was it necessary or even a good idea to take them all to someone's house? Don't they get to play at school? Wouldn't there be liability issues? No other parent though this was strange?

I would have been like you and gone over there or just said "no" on the permission slip and called the director with my concerns. Was this in the U.S.?

All good points!

I would probably talk to the teachers/school admins to find out what the deal was with the play date b/c it strikes me as very strange indeed.

[Qestia]

OP here, I only expressed my bewilderment to one other parent whom I'm close with. She said she wasn't going to let her child go--until the director called her and told her she was the only one who hadn't given permission. And she does know the mom and had been to their home--but still found it odd.

I would bring it up with the director, but as it turns out she has given her notice... so I will probably wait to bring it up with the new director.

I don't think it's that the mom was desperate for connection--the opposite, that there are a lot of families who, with older children, have been involved at that preschool for years and years and all know each other and hang out normally anyway, so may not have seen it as a big deal since, say, maybe half the class had already been to their home.

but you guys are right--there are more weird things than I listed. Like the teachers were getting paid, why not stay at the house? Or why not have the activity at the school-- the activitites they did and snacks provided were portable and parents are certainly welcome to come in and lead activities.

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by Qestia

She said she wasn't going to let her child go--until the director called her and told her she was the only one who hadn't given permission.

So? If the daycare's open and the parents are paying, what difference does it make if 1 child stays there? It wouldn't be all that fun for her, but they don't have any right to tell a parent their child HAS to go on this bizarre playdate thing.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

With the additional information you gave I think that the director needed to have a meeting with the teachers about how she was leaving and this was a way for them to be able to have that meeting. Somehow the other mom knew or was asked (because of her long time association with the school that you mentioned and her home being walking distane) to help out this situation.

The director probably needed to tell the teacher she was leaving, and help them figure out a tranistion plan, it might have been an intense or emotional or stressful annoucment and that is why they didn't want to have the kids at the school while it was going on (the idea about leading the activity at the school)

[GreenGranolaMama]

I agree, very bizarre. My DS is still very young so we aren't in the age group that was affected in this case but I still wanted to reply, my sister and I were both mistreated by a licensed daycare provider as young children (left in the daycare portion of her home for hours alone in the morning- she would wake up when my mom dropped us off and then go back to bed, leaving us alone. This went on for months before my Mom figured it out as we were too young to tell her). Needless to say, I wouldn't trust a stranger with my son. Ever.

[Qestia]

Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber

With the additional information you gave I think that the director needed to have a meeting with the teachers about how she was leaving and this was a way for them to be able to have that meeting. Somehow the other mom knew or was asked (because of her long time association with the school that you mentioned and her home being walking distane) to help out this situation.

The director probably needed to tell the teacher she was leaving, and help them figure out a tranistion plan, it might have been an intense or emotional or stressful annoucment and that is why they didn't want to have the kids at the school while it was going on (the idea about leading the activity at the school)

Hmm, maybe. Except that the younger preschool and toddler class was still at the school. And that her resignation had been announced the prior week and she'd spoken openly about it when I saw her around the school, I don't think it was a secret from the teachers.

[jeanine123]

Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber

With the additional information you gave I think that the director needed to have a meeting with the teachers about how she was leaving and this was a way for them to be able to have that meeting. Somehow the other mom knew or was asked (because of her long time association with the school that you mentioned and her home being walking distane) to help out this situation.

The director probably needed to tell the teacher she was leaving, and help them figure out a tranistion plan, it might have been an intense or emotional or stressful annoucment and that is why they didn't want to have the kids at the school while it was going on (the idea about leading the activity at the school)

Then it needs to be done after school hours, not during school hours. Stressful announcement or not, I am not paying to have my child taken to another parent's house and left there unsupervised by the teachers whose salary I am paying and who my child knows. I am not paying for them to dump my child on someone else so they can take care of administrative work during school hours.