No babysitter, multiple children and feeling guilt for missing dc's events

[4Marmalade]

For many reasons right now we do not have babysitters (no family, no ideal babysitters close by, 4 young children, etc...). I realize this is just how it is for now. As they get older things will change. But right now I'm feeling that little bit of guilt for missing out on events with the older dc's. We have two coming up. Tonight ds1 is singing in the choir at a local theatre show. It's at 7pm (3 youngest dc's need to be in bed by then) so dh will attend. I know ds1 really wants us both to go but he does understand. Next week dd1 has a student-led conference at school. They request both parents try to attend and no siblings. Once again, we don't have childcare for 3 other children so only I will attend. And again I know dd1 would be so proud to show off her work to both dh and myself.

Things just seem to come up where dh and I have to trade off attending things with the older dc's because it is not reasonable to bring the younger dc's.

Can anyone relate? Like I said, I know as they get older things will improve. We will be more willing to leave the younger ones with a babysitter, we might have an ideal babysitter close by, etc... but for now I'm feeling bad and feeling like I'm missing out. I really want to see my 7 year old on stage tonight. I know dh would let me go instead but I already seem to take the majority of events because I don't like missing out .

[journeymom]

You're handling this all just right.

Next week dd1 has a student-led conference at school. They request both parents try to attend and no siblings.

Eh, of course they request both parents. My experience is that beyond Kindergarten or 1st grade it's usually just one parent who attends.

Motherhood seems to be all about guilt some times. So, yes, I can relate to that.

[frontstreetmama]

buy a video camera and watch it with the child afterwards - make it an event - like going to the movies! have a snack and let them relive the event for you - awesome together time and you can do it one-on-one while the parent that went and recorded watches the others!

[Storm Bride]

I have issues with this kind of scheduling, too. I try not to beat myself up about it, though.

I agree about parent-teachers. I've been going for almost 12 years (EEK!!). In that time, there have only been a handful of couples show up, almost always in kindergarten or first grade. Even then, it wasn't more than half the kids who had both parents there, if that.

If your dh is going, could he maybe take some pictures of art work and such? Combine that with taping the concert, and your children can still share with you, right at home...

Other than that, I've got nothing. Your children do have a parent attending each event, so they know they're not being blown off, yk? They may be let down a little, but I suspect this is one of those things that actually bothers the parent more than it bothers the child. The kids who are really hurt by this kind of thing, ime, are the kids who know they're parents just can't be bothered, or who don't think their children's triumphs are worth celebrating.

[4Marmalade]

Ahhh...I know in the grand scheme of things we're doing the best we can and all that. I just miss it. Oh well, dh will be recording the concert tonight so ds can show it to me tomorrow.

[34me]

We have this occur all the time and I gotta tell you, my kids ARE older. This week we had three kids going in three differrent directions at 11, 13 and 16. It just killed me when my 11 yo's Lego team made the state competition and I was 300 miles away with his brother at a hockey tournament.

[pauletoy]

We deal with this constantly with our 4. It's a real struggle. I think you are handling it just fine.