Adoption freeze urged after boy returned to Russia - Page 3

[Juvysen]

What a bizarre and sad situation/story.

[MissinNYC]

It's an ugly mess, and it goes way beyond the adoption angle (a whole 'nother horror show). Children with RAD and other difficult-to-cure, difficult-to-endure psychological disorders are born right here in the USA every day, and their parents (birth or adoptive) often find that they basically have three choices: 1) keep living in daily misery and fear with a sociopath 2) kill or hurt my child 3) kill or hurt myself. NONE of those three choices are acceptable, although the government sure prefers it when people choose #1, or even some version of #3 that doesn't necessitate the involvement of social services.

That's not true, actually. I know several people who were having trouble with their teenaged (non adopted) children and went to DHS/CPS and asked for the child to be removed from the home and and it was done. The families got support and the kids were put into residential treatment centers and eventually returned when things settled down.

[queencarr]

Originally Posted by MissinNYC

That's not true, actually. I know several people who were having trouble with their teenaged (non adopted) children and went to DHS/CPS and asked for the child to be removed from the home and and it was done. The families got support and the kids were put into residential treatment centers and eventually returned when things settled down.

There are ways to get help, agreed. I have had the unfortunate experience of helping a friend restrain, multiple times, and then admit to in-patient psych treatment her 7yo bio son for danger to self and others. He was on medicaid, and there was never a question or blip. With private insurance, it may be harder, I don't know. Even not knowing what I know about attachment/RAD, that experience made the statement by the Russion authority about a 7yo not being a danger ludicrous. I had the marks, bites, and bruises for weeks, as did his mother and younger brother. I am one of his absolute favorite people normally, and if he could have seriously hurt/killed me he would have. It is not an experience I would ever want to repeat. Living that would have been a nightmare--the weeks that I lived it peripherally gave me nightmares and anxiety. The only thing that I can think of that sort of makes this make sense is that she reached out and was ignored or judged or something, and she was gunshy to try again, and then got desperate fast. Even that doesn't fit completely with what the news story say (the G-ma seems so overly rational and calculated), but I guess I just can't believe that a rational non-desperate mom could just send her child away in that manner. I have to believe a Mom could not.

[queencarr]

Russian adoptions officially suspended until an agreement can be reached.

[RedOakMomma]

What a nightmare for those people so close to having their children. My goodness.

My only hope is that this suspension is productive, and that in the future adoptions from Russia will be more straight-forward, and more open in terms of records and history.

[queencarr]

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma

My only hope is that this suspension is productive, and that in the future adoptions from Russia will be more straight-forward, and more open in terms of records and history.

That is mine as well.

[Laurski]

I have to admit that as an adoptee, my first reaction was total outrage and a weird sense of panic. It's funny--I'm 32 years old, was adopted when I was 3 months old, my family is the only family I've ever known, and feel totally and utterly secure in my family's love; yet the story made me feel oddly panicked and anxiety-ridden when thinking about that little boy's abandonment. I can only imagine that this whole experience will only make any future placement situation even more difficult for him to adjust to.

Obviously, you all make excellent points about RAD and the difficulties associated adopting a child afflicted by it, and you all know much more than I do about the current requirements and support for adopting today (whether internationally or domestically), and I've found it incredibly enlightening to read what you have to say about the mother's situation. It does help me have some perspective on what she may have been thinking/feeling (as far as we can glean from the news stories) and helps me be a bit more clear-headed and rational in my approach to reading these stories.

All that being said, however, I still find it unconscionable to dump a 7 year old on a plane with a note that basically says "oops, we want backsies."

Oy vey. What a mess.