"Was it planned??"

[baby-makes-3]

Referring to your pregnancy, of course .

If you agree with me that this question is slightly rude and an invasion of privacy (especially if you're in a position that others don't feel is an appropriate situation to have children), how do you answer?

Just curious...

[miso_soup]

Yeah, it's pretty rude, I'd agree. But in most cases, I don't it stems from any ill-will or malice - more, people just don't THINK before they speak, sometimes.

To be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with anyone other than those whom I know asking me questions about my pregnancy. I mean, I'm not opposed to sharing at all - in the right circumstances - but when I do share, I want it to be on MY terms. I value my privacy, and I don't see why I have to become public property all of a sudden just because I happen to have a bun in the oven!

[thefreckledmama]

When I went to answer, I realized that I haven't really ever been asked that. I guess most people just assume all our kids were "surprises". Truth is, besides our first which was a HUGE surprise, all our other pregnancies have been planned.

What I usually get is "you're done now, right?" Especially now since we're "finally having that boy!"

As for the original question, which I do think is completely rude, I would tend to brush it off with most people-saying something funny like "of course, we decided we wanted a larger tax deduction" or something similar. Even though ours have been planned, and we're not really questioned if they were or weren't, with most people we just play it off as a surprise, because I don't have any interest debating whether or not we should be having any more children with anyone.

ETA: The one(s) that really get me are when people ask things like "Don't you know how this happens?" I usually respond, "No, would you please explain it for me?" Or the one that makes me the most angry-"Don't you know what birth control is?"

[MaerynPearl]

I have only gotten it once, and that was specifically from someone trying to figure out whether to be happy about it or be all I'm sorry but you are going to have a beautiful baby at least! about it...

And oddly, this was my first planned baby. Never got it with my first three and they were all super spermie babies whos nemesis the contraceptive could not beat them! (hehehe)

[huggingmama]

I think most people have asked me this for this pregnancy! DH and I must have done too good a job throwing people off the scent for the past few years--we had everyone convinced that we were only having one. I just didn't want people to know my business, so when people would aks if we would have another, I would roll my eyes.

So now, not only are we getting "was it planned?" but also skeptical looks, like "Are you sure you want to do this?" as if I made a mistake (when we've been planning all along to have kids about 5 years apart).

But in answer to the OP's question... no, I don't have any good comebacks other than to smile and ignore the question or say, "Of course." (When I'm really thinking .)

[violet_]

No one's asked me that, but yes, I'd find it rude.

Just answer, "Oh yes -- DH and I carefully schedule every act of intercourse. Is there anything else you'd like to know?"

[huggingmama]

Originally Posted by violet_

Just answer, "Oh yes -- DH and I carefully schedule every act of intercourse. Is there anything else you'd like to know?"

[Oztok5]

I'm a very private person, and I'm of the, "it's an incredibly rude question" camp.

My favorite response for overly personal questions is:

"Wow, that's a really inappropriate thing to ask!" You just have to say it in a very matter of fact tone. It makes people go back and consider the question that just came out of their mouths.

[MammaB21]

Well, with DD I got asked this All.The.Time!!! I was 20 when pregnant, 21 when she was born. So apparently I looked too young, and working in sales/customer service had me encountering 100 strangers a day who thought they had a right to know my business. I would usually answer with, "No, not planned but very wanted. Surprises are wonderful!!!" Which would get a response along the lines of, "Are you married?" I was married at the time, but only after I had become pregnant and that didn't turn out so well. It felt good to be able to say yes, but now I know how naive that was, and how rude the question is. This little one was a surprise as well, and I think people just assume that because it's admittedly not very good timing. No one has asked yet, but if and when they do I'm prepared to answer with, "Are you asking because you're honestly curious about my sex life, or is there something else you're trying to get at?"

[matey]

It doesn't really bother me. I don't think people mean it to be rude, most of the time anyway. I think a lot of times it is like how a pp said, they are trying to figure out the happiness factor.

[karen1968]

My knee-jerk response when I read this was, "Does it matter??" I mean, really. By the time you are showing, you've obviously (to my mind) decided to have the baby, so does it matter if it was a surprise or planned?

[COgirl19]

I think it's very rude to ask that. One response is "Do you realize that you are inquiring about my SEX life?"

[Heinleinesque]

"Are you seriously asking me if [DP] and I know how babies are made? I assure you, we do."

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

I've never been asked this so not sure what i'd say i guess it would depend what mood i was in at the time really.

[Bethla]

I got that question a lot with this pregnancy because there is such an age gap with our kids...13, 10, 7 and the new one is 5 days old! They assume correctly he was a little surprise. If they want more detail I can share with them how dh and I went away for the weekend (the first time in 13 years) and I was really sure I wasn't ovulating...they usually look uncomfortable at this point.

[MammaB21]

Originally Posted by Bethla

I got that question a lot with this pregnancy because there is such an age gap with our kids...13, 10, 7 and the new one is 5 days old! They assume correctly he was a little surprise. If they want more detail I can share with them how dh and I went away for the weekend (the first time in 13 years) and I was really sure I wasn't ovulating...they usually look uncomfortable at this point.

I just had to say that I was a little surprise. When I was born my sisters were 7 and 10 and my brother was 14. Weird.

[baby-makes-3]

My knee-jerk response when I read this was, "Does it matter??"

That's definitely my favorite!

I always wanted look at them sort of confused and say, "Do you mean did we plan to have sex, or.....?" But I know I couldn't pull that off. But "does it matter??" is perfect.

[Ofwait]

If you are religious you can always say "Of course, God knows all things.".

[fyrwmn]

i'm only 9wks, so we haven't gotten that question too much yet. i know it's coming though since ds is only 10 months old. the nurse asked me that at my first appt though "was this a planned pg?" and it caught me so off guard that i automatically said "yes".

[odenata]

Any question regarding other people's fertility is rude. On the flip side of "was it planned?" is "why don't you two have any kids yet?" They are both rude, and possibly emotionally painful for someone to answer.

People really need more common sense.