ex and child support (rant)

[One_Girl]

My ex just called and asked me to have the state stop collecting child support because he is going to lose his license. He told me someone at the child support enforcement office told him this was an option. I can't believe they would tell him that. Child support is supposed to benefit children and parents aren't supposed to be able to weasel out of it when the consequences of not supporting their child catch up with them. I am furious and thinking about writing a letter to chew them out. I can't believe he even though he should approach me and ask me to do that and I really am shocked that they gave him the idea.

[Theia]

I think that legally, unless you are on state aid like FS or health insurance, that legally you can ask them to no longer collect CS. Not saying that I agree with what he is saying, but I do think it is within your legal rights. If you or the children are receiving govt' aid, then they would probably still collect money from him to reimburse the state's expenses.

I'm totally not sure on this, I currently have CS on hold because of safety issues. In my case though, he has never been served with a CS order. So you could say I don't have a whole lot of personal experience with CS.

Hopefully someone will come along who has actual experience with this situation. Is he working? Why aren't his wages being garnished if he is this far behind? I would call your worker and speak to them, usually don't both parents have the same worker? That is how it worked for a friend I have anyway. I know in some cases you can agree to a settlement for less than the full amount, but do what is best for your children.

[MissLotus]

I don't know how it works when the state collects child support, but that doesn't sound right. Is he saying that he'll give it to you directly instead... or that now he just doesn't want to pay it at all? Because who cares about his license - the children are entitled to food and shelter and it's his responsibility too.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Is he talking about driver's license or professional license? Is he behind and the state is collecting arrears? I'm having trouble picturing how it would make him lose any license unless he was being arrested for non-compliance or something like that.

Not knowing anything else about your situation, I'd simply tell him that it wasn't an option. I think having the state collect is the safest for both parties. He has the protection of a record of how much he's paid, and you have the protection of not having to wait for him to write you a check. I have a good relationship with my STBX and he's got a stable job at the moment, but I'm planning on having the state collect from day 1 of our official order. CYA since he was $10,000 behind in CS when I met him ten years ago.

If you're worried about him getting mad at you, you can make it sound like it's not your fault that it's not an option--either your lawyer or the child support office told you that you couldn't/shouldn't. The fact that he's asking you to make the request says that the power is in your hands anyway. And I agree...child support is for the benefit of the children. Having the state collect protects that. Go with your gut on this one!!!

[nola79]

Who are you mad at ? He will only lose his liscense if he doesn't pay, and they are just doing their job of trying to collect support for you. I'm confused here.

[Marsupialmom]

What they said to him, and what he said they said can be two different things.

[Oriole]

It's true about driving license being suspended for those who do not pay CS. I knew someone that couldn't drive for that very reason.

I am a bit confused as to who you are upset at as well, though. Your ex can't weasel out of this one. The state official probably simply answered his question "How can I keep my license?" with "If your ex wife stops the state from collecting CS". That's an honest answer to a simple question. Why would you be upset at the state? I'd be just upset at your ex for not paying.

We don't get CS either (DSD lives with us). So I know the frustration, really, I do. But the state officials have to answer questions, and I think that's all they did in this case.

Hang in there!