Ugh, I know, another mother post. I don't think she's evil. In fact, I think she is really down deep a nice person. However she is very judgmental, an alcoholic, emotionally unavailable, total workaholic, on and on. But I know she really loves me.
We have a long history of her not being able to be there for me. I understand and don't expect it any more. If there is a way for her to pay someone to deal with me, she will and she always has. No biggie. I get it.
Around the holidays (that is the only time we see her, even though we live less than 2 miles away) she had been saying that she wanted to take my kids to go see a movie. She never got to it, too busy with work and social commitments, so when the movie came in the mail recently I thought she might like to have a movie night with us and the kids. Big mistake. I called her and asked her that and her reply was "Why on earth would I want to do that?" I backtracked pretty quickly. She went on to say that if my husband and I needed a night out, she would pay for us to get a babysitter. I let her know that wasn't the issue, I was just thinking she might like to hang with us. Again, no biggie. She doesn't have to do something just because I think it might be fun.
Then my dd wanted to have lunch with her as Grandma has been promising for years. My mother is in her office in our city on Fridays so I let my dd call my mom last night and ask her about lunch today. My mother said she already had a previous engagement but said she wasn't sure it was going to happen so she would call dd this morning to let her know. Of course, there was no phone call. I called her cell a couple of times but no answer. I assumed she got busy and just told my dd that it would happen some other time. My mother called this afternoon asking for a favor and I said something about this morning. My mother actually said "I didn't want to have lunch with you guys and I figured you would forget if I ignored it".
This all feels a bit mean spirited but I am really hesitant to call it that. I'm not trying to impose on her, I just feel like my kids barely know her. If I was asking her to watch my kids all the time or hang out with us as a family, I would totally understand it. But she barely ever sees us. We've had dinner a few times on holidays. She has babysat maybe twice in the past year and both times were for under an hour. That's it. She used to say she just didn't like babies and that was why she wasn't involved but mine are 14, 6 and 4 now.
Anyway, what is this? I know there is a ton of backstory that I'm not sharing but does this sound familiar to anybody? Is it just that she isn't interested in family? She calls and we talk on the phone quite a bit so it isn't that she doesn't like me. Or maybe it is? I can't quite figure it out. Is there a book that can help me learn how to deal?
We have a long history of her not being able to be there for me. I understand and don't expect it any more. If there is a way for her to pay someone to deal with me, she will and she always has. No biggie. I get it.
Around the holidays (that is the only time we see her, even though we live less than 2 miles away) she had been saying that she wanted to take my kids to go see a movie. She never got to it, too busy with work and social commitments, so when the movie came in the mail recently I thought she might like to have a movie night with us and the kids. Big mistake. I called her and asked her that and her reply was "Why on earth would I want to do that?" I backtracked pretty quickly. She went on to say that if my husband and I needed a night out, she would pay for us to get a babysitter. I let her know that wasn't the issue, I was just thinking she might like to hang with us. Again, no biggie. She doesn't have to do something just because I think it might be fun.
Then my dd wanted to have lunch with her as Grandma has been promising for years. My mother is in her office in our city on Fridays so I let my dd call my mom last night and ask her about lunch today. My mother said she already had a previous engagement but said she wasn't sure it was going to happen so she would call dd this morning to let her know. Of course, there was no phone call. I called her cell a couple of times but no answer. I assumed she got busy and just told my dd that it would happen some other time. My mother called this afternoon asking for a favor and I said something about this morning. My mother actually said "I didn't want to have lunch with you guys and I figured you would forget if I ignored it".
This all feels a bit mean spirited but I am really hesitant to call it that. I'm not trying to impose on her, I just feel like my kids barely know her. If I was asking her to watch my kids all the time or hang out with us as a family, I would totally understand it. But she barely ever sees us. We've had dinner a few times on holidays. She has babysat maybe twice in the past year and both times were for under an hour. That's it. She used to say she just didn't like babies and that was why she wasn't involved but mine are 14, 6 and 4 now.
Anyway, what is this? I know there is a ton of backstory that I'm not sharing but does this sound familiar to anybody? Is it just that she isn't interested in family? She calls and we talk on the phone quite a bit so it isn't that she doesn't like me. Or maybe it is? I can't quite figure it out. Is there a book that can help me learn how to deal?
s I'm sorry. It sounds like making your community into your family is a wonderful idea.
