So he's moving out today.

[honey-lilac]

Um. Yeah. I guess the "soon to be single mom" is going to be pretty close to "single mom" as of this afternoon when he signs his lease.

Sigh.

[kirstenb]

[Freedom~Mama]

How are you holding up?!

[meemee]

mama

i would like you to check in and tell us how your night went. that's when it all hits you. and how you react will tell you how the rest of the journey will go.

[honey-lilac]

I didn't check back in because... drumroll... he's back. The apartments were not up to his standards. (Really?)

He plans on staying in this house and then moving back to the East Coast once he graduates (6 weeks). I'd rather him be there than living in an apartment across town.

I came home yesterday and he had spent huge amounts of money (the money he would have spent on the apartment) on making repairs to the house. I mean, that's a good thing, but... It just seems wrong somehow.

I don't know, it's all a mess.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Hun, I hate to break it to you, but he's not going anywhere. Not unless you force him to.

[honey-lilac]

... Yeah. Unfortunately I agree with you.

I don't get why every time he is "moving out" I think it'll be for real this time. I'm just that gullible?

[*MamaJen*]

Originally Posted by honey-lilac

I came home yesterday and he had spent huge amounts of money (the money he would have spent on the apartment) on making repairs to the house.

Totally deliberate. Don't be fooled. Is it anything that you can take back to the store and return?
There's a very good chance you're going to have to take the legal route to make him leave. My only advice, after having been through this twice, is this: Find your voice. Don't worry about being nice or hurting his feelings. YOU ARE BEING MANIPULATED. He's counting on you to feel guilty and not make a strong stand. You need to look him in the eye and tell him clearly, with no note of apology, "Things are over between us and you need to move out. You have until X date. If you are not out by then I'll get a court order for your removal." Being wishy washy and understanding (which is what I did) gets you nowhere fast.

[Freedom~Mama]

^I totally agree.

I think he is using you and trying to get you to feel sorry for him. It must be very frustrating for you. I hope that he leaves soon.

[honey-lilac]

The part about being used makes me angry. Not at you but at him and at myself. I'm not going to play the victim. I'm not.

Do ya'll think that I should give him until graduation to live here? Honestly, I *don't* want him signing a lease here. He has nothing to tie him here - no friends, no family, nothing - he says he wants to go back home where he does have friends & family - and he hates it out here, has since we moved here, and misses home. I think there's a chance he might go. Not 100% but I think he would prefer to be there than here. I'd rather him three time zones away than across town, potentially running into him or having him helpfully show up at the house or whatever with some excuse.

There's no guarantee he WILL leave of his own free will at the end of the six weeks, but if he signs a lease, that's a guarantee he won't leave town.

Thoughts?

[*MamaJen*]

I think that sounds reasonable, if you can handle it. Whatever the situation, the key is being firm.
I don't think he'll try to convince you to never make him move, he'll just keep trying to blow individual deadlines. So if you give him six weeks until he graduates, make sure that's the last deadline.

[PoppyMama]

Can you file a 30 day eviction notice in a couple of weeks so he'll have no choice but to leave when he graduates?

[honey-lilac]

I don't think so - his name is on the title of the house. Don't think I can evict him.