What happened to my almost 5yr old

[jen&james]

My oldest DS is going to be 5yrs old next month. He has always been a very easy kid to work with and has been somewhat flexible. I have practiced attachment parenting from the beginning and I feel like we have a very strong relationship and this has always help me to understand what he needs. He has been in a preschool this year and was diagnosed with SPD ( I already knew that) and some auditory processing difficulties. In the last month i have noticed a increase in defiance but also he has started using this tone of voice that I am pretty sure I don't use with him and he is talking back in a disrespectful way. He uses the tone of voice with other adults also and it is somewhat embarassing. I have explained to him that it is OK to disagree with someone but it is rude to do it in that way. He has become more agressive with his brother and seems to get upset alot faster and has a harder time calming down. Is this a new developmental thing for his age? I feel frustrated and out of sync with him and don't know how to help the situation.

[LynnS6]

Very typical for 5. 5 year olds are learning the power of language, but they still aren't very good at wielding it, so they wield it as subtly as a club.
Dd is turning 6 in 6 weeks, and we're finally getting to a point where she's got more control over her tone of voice. I also noticed an upswing in physical lashing out at 5 -- something dd hadn't done since she was 3.

My grandma said that the month or so around a child's birthday is often a time of big change, and that they're hard to deal with.She raised 11 kids, so I believe her, though I confess I notice the pattern more with dd (who's much more spirited) than with ds.

If your ds has SPD, then he also will have issues with self regulation -- so if he's going through some developmental changes, his ability to control himself will be lower. It means he needs a bit more structure, a bit more monitoring and probably some new strategies for calming down when he starts to lose it. Is he getting OT for the SPD? OT helped our son tremendously, but his self regulation can still be iffy when he's overtired, sick or stressed.

Sensational Kids is a good book that might give you some strategies.

[jen&james]

He is in OT and speech and I have read almost every book I could get my hands on for the sensory processing. I am goign to just have to be more patient with him while he goes thru this and try to connect with him as much as possible. I guess as with all stages they eventually pass thru them and move on to something else.