Helping 3 year old to not mimic misbehavior

[jesrox]

Hi! I have a 3 1/2 year old son who is usually very well behaved. He has some moments of "not listening" where he thinks its hilarious to not listen, to ignore etc...but more or less normal boundary pushing. My best friend's 5 year old son has moderate to severe behavior problems. He has been asked to leave several daycares, very oppositional, has run away from me before in a store and made it outside... she is trying everything she can to manage his behavior, she is going with him to a behavioral therapist, has him in martial arts....
My concern is how I can explain to my son that just because his friend is acting a certain way, that it is unacceptable for him to behave that way? Due to my friends son's very oppositional behavior she has to "pick her battles" with him, where I am a bit less lenient. My son is very bright but I also don't want him repeating whatever I say to him to his friend, you know?

Not spending as much time with this person is not an option, she is like my sister, and we assist each other a lot with our kids, and I know she is trying everything she can with her son and its not a case of BAD PARENT but something deeper going on with him. I just want to minimize the effect her son has on my child's behavior, and figuring out a way to tell my son, " Just because he does it doesn't mean you can do it!!" Any ideas from anyone who has BTDT??
Thanks so much!!!

[Katie T]

Honestly when we run into those problems we just don't spend as much time with those people. Not that they are bad parents but because at that age I don't feel like they get my expination of why one kid can get away with the behavior and they can't.

besides continuing to correct him repetitively I don't know what else you can do, that is the age of copying.

[Just1More]

I have had a lot of success with saying, "Everybody's Mama is trying to teach them to be sweet, and everybody needs different things. I am your Mama, so we do it this way. ___ is ____'s Mama and they do it different." I've found that this approach keeps the child from feeling judgemental about the other child.

Also, "God made you just how he wanted you. You don't need to be like x, because God made them to be just what he wanted them to be. So, don't do what they are doing. We need an (insert their name)."

And then I can gently say, "Where's my (insert name)?" when they are being unlike themselves.

Or, "Everybody is learning to be sweet. Come look at this book while x's Mama talks with him."

I also talk with my children about what it means to be a friend, and that a good friend, a true friend, will help them to be a better person. And if they are going to be a true friend, then they should help the other kid, too. That holds a standard out that isn't just yours vs. theirs. It's just about doing what's right and helping each other.

[Just1More]

Oh, and I also say, "Everybody struggles with things. You have trouble with x. So and so has trouble with y. Everybody is different and his Mama helps him, just like I help you."

That way says that, sure, what the kid is doing isn't right, but that that is their issue, and reminds your child that they aren't perfect either. But that they do have to do what they can.

[jesrox]

Originally Posted by Just1More

Oh, and I also say, "Everybody struggles with things. You have trouble with x. So and so has trouble with y. Everybody is different and his Mama helps him, just like I help you."

That way says that, sure, what the kid is doing isn't right, but that that is their issue, and reminds your child that they aren't perfect either. But that they do have to do what they can.

Thank you for your advice, these are very helpful! I can't just not spend time with them, she is like my sister and he is my godson, and I just want to keep my sons behavior doing well, because I know that my godsons issues are not poor parenting but deeper than that, and shes trying to get help for him. I liked all of your ideas!!