Does it ever go away?

[lmbjer]

My oldest is nearly 4. I have wanted to stay home with him and then my dd since day one. I am not able to. DH is self employed, I carry the insurance and 2/3 of our income. Every dime of our income is budgeted and goes to paying off general debt, student loans, etc. We are proudly chipping away at the debt, but until it is gone I cannot stay home. There is no way around it.

And it is hard. And it is getting worse. And I feel like I am losing all of this time with my children.

Don't get me wrong, I have to right to complain. My job is excellent, very close to home, lots sick/comp/vacation time. I am able to leave at a moments notice, etc. A dream job for a working parent.

But it isn't the same as actually being there. We have a three year plan when I will be able to stay home. And at that time hopefully have more children

I just wondered, for those of you who also work because you have to, does it get any easier? Because I am seriously struggling. And poor DH is trying to work so hard to help me. And I don't want to stress him out further.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Never. Sorry.

My mother had to go back to work when I was 2. Im now 30, but have a 15 year old sister. She still wishes she could stay home. Matter of fact, My sister was a change of life surprise baby BECAUSE my mom just never felt like it was the right time to have another (Hense the 15 year age difference)

I also wish I could stay home with my boys. I suppose we could sell our house and get an apartment in the city and sell my car and give up our hobby and............. When life gives you lemons.........

[palmgal]

I made my choice to work, so I hate to look back, but it never gets any easier for me. My husband is at home when the kids get home from school and somedays I am green with envy that it is not me there.

[meandmine]

I have only been back at work 2 years after 8 years home with kids. I hope we all get more used to it; more accepting of it; more grateful for what we do have.

Still, it isn't how I *was* raising them so I am still grieving the change in lifestyle.

Wish I could offer you more optimism.

Make small changes as you can and hurray for having a 3 year plan!

M

[snarky]

I chose not to have another baby because I can't stay at home. My daughter is our one and only child. I really didn't care for the baby stage, and we have a large and loving extended family, so I can live with this limitation.

That said, as my daughter gets older (she's 3) and enjoys the company of other children more, I feel more comfortable about sending her to day care where she gets to play with other kids. Once she hits school age, working only makes sense to me, though at that point I would hope to scale back work hours a bit to help deal with after school hours.

[Jend1002]

I was just sitting here at my desk feeling sorry for myself. Nearly every day, I wish I was home with my son. Not because I love being home or because I don't love my job, but just because it feels like the right thing to do for him, mainly because of his personality. But I can't. There is no way. It has been 14 months now that he has been in daycare and I still feel the urge to cry from time to time after I drop him off. Today is one of those days. I am sorry that others find that it never gets easier, but I am glad to hear it's not just me!

[AnnaNova]

i keep asking myself the same question. i started working almost a year ago when my son was mo and i kept telling myself it will get easier / better, but no such luck. at times its slightly better, but most times i just feel like crying myself to sleep at the end of the day.
i think i would be happy if i could work part time/ per diem - that would be the ultimate best combination, but i dont think it's going to happen in near future.
i try to be thankful for the things i have and the job i have, the benefits, the insurance and so on, but then i see mothers that can stay home comfortably, cant help but ask 'why cant i have that?'

[meemee]

you know one thing i learnt from being away at work is that i cannot be a FT SAHM. it would drive me crazy without the balance. i hate housework and am not the crafty kinda person. i was able to do it for the first two years off and on. i wish i could till dd was 3. but after that nope. i needed some time away. not for a yoga class or a break. but a place where i could meet other adults and have an intellectual conversation - and myself contribute.

i have to have some adult social time at work. so part time 3 times a week maybe 10 - 12 hours is a necessity for me to be a good mommy, but 40 hour week nope!!!!!

i really think we build up this notion of being home with our children - romanticising it when really many of us wouldnt be able to do it. i worked part time when dd was 3 months old for a few months. it was HEARTWRENCHING.

so does it go away. no it doesnt. the longing to be with your babies.

i was able to change my life. so that i am not coming home to put dinner on teh table and rush off to bed. of course it came with sacrifices. but we are both happier this way.

[texmati]

*

[Storm Bride]

It really depends on the person. I WOH until ds1 was 10, and I hated it. I had a few different jobs during that time, and I didn't really hate any of them - the worst one, in terms of stress, morale, etc. was actually the one I liked best, in terms of the actual work. But, I hated being there. I wanted to be home with my son.

By the time I could stay home, he was 10. I'm loving the time with my younger three, and I really feel that I missed a lot with my oldest. We're close, for which I'm grateful, but I missed a lot. Some people feel a real need to be at work, though - it really depends on the mom, the kids, the dynamic, the (potential) work situation, etc.

[AmyKT]

For me, it did pass. I wanted desperately to be home with DD for the first 16-18 months, and then I started enjoying and appreciating being a WOHM. I think that happened as DD became more verbal and I realized that she and I have a perfectly healthy bond even though we don't spend all day together. Also, DH is a SAHD, so I don't have to worry about daycare, etc, though she does go to part-time preschool, just for fun.

Now that I'm expecting baby #2, I imagine I'll have those longings to stay home again while she's an infant, but I hope that once she's a toddler, I'll feel a pretty good balance again.