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Really weird babysitter situation has been bothering me. - Page 2

post #21 of 88
Did the mother know it was a male roommate? To play Devil's Advocate, I guess I'd assume that the adult in the house that wasn't cool to babysit kids was perhaps not allowed to be alone with kids. And I wouldn't want to be alone with him, either. Especially if he gave off a creepy vibe. Or I thought his video game was super violent or something.

I'd probably still pay her for the hour to maintain HOA happiness and NEVER EVER hire her again.
post #22 of 88
I don't know, I think the situation is weird, but I think it might be whatever reason they had they were not comfortable sharing it with you. Either she had a medical or embarrassing situation and her mom got her out of it or the mother freaked out about something or a combo.
Maybe your husband tried to reassure them that the roommate could help out more than you think he did. Maybe just to make her feel better if she was nervous about watching 3 kids all at once. So they figured that made it okay to leave the baby with him for just 20 minutes??
Some other things that came to my mind:
So they asked about guns specifically and then the roomate was playing some type of combat game?? (Isn't that game a war game?)
It IS, imo, understandable to be concerned if there is going to be a babysitter in the house AND yet another adult (especially male) is in the house (such as your roommate). Now, you were clear about it, yes, and they knew, but just pointing that out because it just something that could be part of the equation.
If I were watching 2 older children and a young one, I would feel more reassured to have a friend help me, at 19. Not all 19 year olds are great at babysitting. I also don't have siblings, so dealing with 3-- I would have only done something like that if I thought a friend could help. And I'd be unhappy if my friend couldn't do it, but I would still feel obligated to keep the job and make the best of it.
It was awkward for the 19 year old to have a misunderstanding that the roommate she was trying to communicate with was on headphones and hadn't been hearing her when she had been talking to him. My dh plays games, he sometimes wears headsets... it took me a while to get used to it = I can see that being awkward

On the one hand you HAVE to listen to your gut feeling. Maybe she's really fine, a nice girl, sweet, even good with kids but not a sitter that can handle an emergency- so not one you really want. On the other hand, she's young-ish and had to deal with a situation that might have been a little outside of her comfort level and just a little odd. And IF her mom is being a helicopter parent than maybe she has some learning to do before she can break from that and rely on herself more.

If even after all this you feel like you 'like' the girl or the mom- maybe an opportunity will come up where you can gently pry or express concern. I'd imagine if there was a legitimate excuse, they are probably thinking how awkward the situation was but also are a little embarrassed to just bring it up. Especially if the girl is immature, or her mother IS too protective-- she's not really going to know how to discuss this with you in a healthy way.

Intriguing though!
Jessica
post #23 of 88
Thread Starter 
I *think* that they knew it was a male roommate, I said "I need to leave at 7. My husband will be upstairs getting ready for work, he leaves 8 or 8:15. Our roommate will be there, but he'll just play his computer game, he won't bug you."

I forgot to mention that the babysitter was wearing an NRA jacket, so I don't think they are totally opposed to guns in the home.

I have no desire to interact with them anymore, I doubt I'll even see they outside HOA events or something.

I mentioned that I didn't mind if she had a friend over when I talked to her on the phone, so that didn't seem odd to me.

Roommate is not creepy. He's got a girlfriend who he is completely enamored with. He may look intimidating, but he's harmless. I guess I can see how she might feel uncomfortable, but just suffer through it for 20 minutes and ignor any future calls from me, you know?
post #24 of 88
Regardless if the girl was creeped out, pooped her pants, has weird issues, whatever, it is still really inappropriate for her to leave before other care got there. That's what makes the situation weird to me. I can understand if something happened and she wanted her mom to come over and be with her, but why they couldn't wait an extra 30 minutes for someone else to show up is just wacky. That is what sets off the "ku-koo" bells for me. It's probably best that they left and you don't have to deal with them again.
post #25 of 88
Honestly even though I doubt she was actually "sick" I think I'd have to follow up and make sure that she wasn't actually ill with something contagious that she just exposed my 3 young children too. Overall though the situation sounds really odd!
post #26 of 88
pay for the hour and let it go.

yes, it's weird. who knows what really happened or why? you will likely never know. just rest assured it wasn't you, your kids, or your roommate, and move on.
post #27 of 88
I wonder why her mother seems so over protective of a 19 year old daughter...does this girl have any issues or extra needs? Nevertheless, I agree very weird and I highly doubt it has anything personally to do with you.
post #28 of 88
It would assume that something urgent came up that she wasn't comfortable sharing with you (embarassing in some way) and needed to leave as soon as possible I wouldn't think that something weird was going on.

One thing I don't understand though....you said that the mom asked you if they could leave the kids with your roommate until your sister got there and you told her yes - so why do you think they just dumped your children? I get that you only said yes because you were caught off guard by the question but the fact of the matter is you DID tell her that was ok. Maybe it was a very urgent situation and they thought they handled it appropriately and that the kids were with someone you had approved as a caregiver.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think you should just let it go. Pay her for time she was there and try not to worry too much about the situation.
post #29 of 88
As the mother of a 20 year old young woman, I would be very uncomfortable having my daughter stay in a house with a strange man she had never met, even if he was going to stay in his room and go to bed early. I think there is your answer - through no fault of his own, the idea of the man being in the house spooked her and she called her mom to get her out of there. She (well, her mom in this case) should have said no right off the bat knowing what the situation would be.
post #30 of 88
When I was younger, I would not have wanted to babysit in a home with a male room mate at home. However, what I think was inappropriate here was that they left your kids with your room mate. I think the mom should have come over, and stayed with her daughter and your kids until you got home. That is what is really odd to me and shows poor judgement on their part.

I agree with the PP who suggested calling to see if the daughter is OK, if you want to dig deeper into this. You could say your child has a fever or something and that you want to know what they may have been exposed to.

That said, I'd probably drop it. And I would not pay them given the inconvenience you were caused. If they'd wanted the money, they would have hung around.
post #31 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by enkmom View Post
As the mother of a 20 year old young woman, I would be very uncomfortable having my daughter stay in a house with a strange man she had never met, even if he was going to stay in his room and go to bed early. I think there is your answer - through no fault of his own, the idea of the man being in the house spooked her and she called her mom to get her out of there. She (well, her mom in this case) should have said no right off the bat knowing what the situation would be.


This was my first thought, too.
post #32 of 88
Quote:
I forgot to mention that the babysitter was wearing an NRA jacket, so I don't think they are totally opposed to guns in the home.
Ha! Maybe the problem was that you DIDN'T have a gun in the home??

Really weird all around. I don't even think it was the roommate or anything, I bet she just got overwhelmed and freaked out and wanted to leave. Maybe not the best kid at dealing with stress thanks to Mommy Dearest. I wouldn't pay for the hour after that scene and feeling like I was being lied to about what really happened, having your night ruined, etc.

In the future I'd really think twice about agreeing to let a sitter have a friend over, though, especially a friend you've never met and a new sitter you don't know well.
post #33 of 88
They sound paranoid, I'd never call them again.
post #34 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by rere View Post
Maybe she got her period and needed to change her clothes but was too embarrassed to say so?especially with a man there?or pooped her pants?
Her mom could have just brought her a change of clothes and left, if that was the case.
post #35 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by enkmom View Post
As the mother of a 20 year old young woman, I would be very uncomfortable having my daughter stay in a house with a strange man she had never met, even if he was going to stay in his room and go to bed early. I think there is your answer - through no fault of his own, the idea of the man being in the house spooked her and she called her mom to get her out of there. She (well, her mom in this case) should have said no right off the bat knowing what the situation would be.
But the mom knew before the babysitting job was accepted.
post #36 of 88
I would have to agree, if she did have her period and bleed that heavily that fast- and believe me that is possible, I have BTDT, then I agree with PP that her Mom could have dropped off a change of clothes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apricot View Post
Did the mother know it was a male roommate? To play Devil's Advocate, I guess I'd assume that the adult in the house that wasn't cool to babysit kids was perhaps not allowed to be alone with kids. And I wouldn't want to be alone with him, either. Especially if he gave off a creepy vibe. Or I thought his video game was super violent or something.

I'd probably still pay her for the hour to maintain HOA happiness and NEVER EVER hire her again.
I would not feel comfortable babysitting in a house with a man I did not know, however, both Mom and Daughter knew this ahead of time, from the OPs description.

I do think it was okay for them to leave the children with the roommate because OP said it was on the phone. Had she not said that, and they had done that, then it is a problem.
post #37 of 88
It sounds like something personal was going on with the babysitter. Maybe something recently traumatic happened to her that they couldn't disclose (like she was maybe recovering from sexual assault). I could see that making the mom overprotective and the girl freak about staying alone with a strange guy if she the friend she had planned to have over bailed.

Like the PP mentioned, it sounds like you gave them the okay to leave the kids with the roommate so while it wasn't exactly convenient, I wouldn't hold it against them. I would probably ask the babysitter if she was feeling better (and not push things further), and I would pay them for the hour. It's not tons of money, as they are in your HOA, it's worth it to keep the peace, and it's just a good karma thing.
post #38 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emzachsmama View Post
One thing I don't understand though....you said that the mom asked you if they could leave the kids with your roommate until your sister got there and you told her yes - so why do you think they just dumped your children? I get that you only said yes because you were caught off guard by the question but the fact of the matter is you DID tell her that was ok.
Yeah, that's just what I thought. It seems perfectly reasonable to me for them to assume that a man you trust enough to live with could be trusted to watch the baby for 20 minutes. Especially when you said it would be okay!
post #39 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry Alive View Post
It sounds like something personal was going on with the babysitter. Maybe something recently traumatic happened to her that they couldn't disclose (like she was maybe recovering from sexual assault). I could see that making the mom overprotective and the girl freak about staying alone with a strange guy if she the friend she had planned to have over bailed.ng.
While I would normally agree, they both knew ahead of time that the roommate was male. And I assume she saw him while the DH was talking to her before leaving.
post #40 of 88
What a mess. My solution: pay her for the hour (sounds like it's worth it to keep peace with the HOA) and never ask her to babysit again, no matter what. She doesn't sound mature enough to babysit. If she can't handle being in a house with another man, after being told about him, I'd hate to see her reaction to an injury or real emergency with your children.
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