First-timer...due 11/10

[baby1november2010]

I'm not sure where to start, but umm..m

I am a 21-year old college student, and I am pregnant. And I have decided to go ahead with this (alone, because the father...scratch that, the donor, is a shady choice at best) and be a mommy. At first, I was going to give him up, but I had a dream about him (which is how I know it's a boy) and I decided that there is no way I can let him go now.

I am terrified: financially, I am seedy at best; I cannot save money, I'm in school and I go through jobs like people go through underwear because I just don't have any motivation. I live with relatives, but I don't want to bring my baby up in this environment.

I guess I just need some encouragement, my mother was a single mom with 2 little girls, and she did it and we turned out just fine, so I know I am capable of doing this. I guess my biggest fear is not being able to provide everything my baby needs.

How do I know I will be able to pay our bills and keep him in diapers and finish school so I can make a better life for the both of us? I am just young, alone, worried and pregnant. But also excited, I saw him in my dreams and he is gorgeous and I know with some help, I can do this.

Thanks for listening...and any advice/encouragement.

[meemee]

mama all us single moms when we become single moms have the exact same questions and fears as you.

the only way of knowing is doing it. as you live day to day and realise you are making it - those fears will slowly go away. the first year i lived with panic attacks. but something always worked out. i was also homeless but not on the streets, just couches.

the thing though is 'everything a baby needs'. that really is the catch 22. all teh baby needs is mama's love. nothing else. you do have some fo the logistics but its really simple esp. if you bf. for instance my dd was born in summer. she hated clothes and hardly needed anything. we make things complicated by having a lot of stuff.

you become a changed person when you have a baby or even pregnant. i bet you now you will not go thru jobs as you did before.

figure out what your support is going to look like. who will watch the baby when you are at work.

[vocalise]

Congratulations! You will be fabulous. The motivation problem you had in the past: poof! It's gone. You now have a little one to motivate you. You'll do it. It will be hard sometimes, you'll feel exhausted and wonder whatever made you decide to be a parent, but then you will look into that tiny person's eyes and know it's all perfection.

ITA with meemee: start thinking about your support system and don't be afraid to ask for help. Set it up ahead of time, and you'll have a lot less to worry about in the first few months.

What are you taking at college? Do they have a daycare? What is your student loan situation like? Can you take on greater loans and find your own place where you feel safe and comfortable before the baby arrives? Make a plan that you think will be best for your son, and things will begin to fall into place.

[baby1november2010]

Thank you for the encouragement, I heard that since I will have a dependent and be a single mother, there will be a lot more financial aide available to me, and CalWorks will take care of daycare, so I'll keep on moving. I already feel myself changing; all i think about are plans for him and what I can do for him. I'm so glad I found this forum.

[betony707]

Just wanted to second what Vocalise said - now you have the motivation!! I was horrible with finances too and now I am a changed woman. Not to mention I was the world's worst procrastinator!
Calworks will certainly help with childcare and they can also help with job searches and job skills training. Also they can support your college goals by helping you bring in enough to finish school without having to work full time at the same time. I just want to say don't be ashamed of recieving the aid this is what it is intended for - as a tool to assist you in getting on your feet, hopefully finishing your education, and being able to provide a great life for you & your baby all on your own in a few years!
Babies really dont need much but love when they are little. For the things they do need dont hesitate to check out used items - I used to be a bit snobby about that until I discovered how many barely used and even new items you can find!
Good luck i am sure you will do a great job. Hopefully this time next year you will look back as I have recently and realize that your life, and you yourself, has changed so much for the better!!!