poster child for bad co-sleeping

[mpmckinney]

My 2 week old son won't sleep anywhere but on me. The problem is that my bed is the epitomy of how *not* to have a co-sleeping situation. I have a memory foam bed. The temperature in the room is such that we need a big blanket. We have a dog that sleeps in the bed (who stays far away from the baby, but still). We have an arms-reach co-sleeper which he refuses to use, he slept in his swing a few nights and now won't anymore. He'll sleep fine on my arm on a pillow but one, my arm goes to sleep and two the minute I move him away from me he wakes up and starts crying. I realize things change rapidly with a newborn but I don't want to set my baby up for a harmful sleeping environment. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanks!

[BlueWolf]

No advice... I slept with my baby on me for the first 2 months of her life in a chair with pillows propped around me. Not a good example but it was the only way we could get sleep. Now she just sleeps in bed next to us.

Sometimes it just boils down to do whatever you can to survive.

[Pandme]

I had a similar situation with my second....2 dogs in bed AND a thrashy toddler, a million pillows, etc.

This is how I slept.....I propped all my pillows up and made myself a nice incline, had the boppy in my lap and the baby on the boppy. She was always positioned to be face up. I stuffed blankets wherever they needed to be so that it was stable and supported. It wasn't fantastic but it got is through the early weeks until I felt comfortable laying her down and she didn't wake up. Now she sleeps next to me.

[Abraisme]

My son slept on his tummy laying on top of me for the first 3-4 months. After that he slept easily in his own space and never really needed to cuddle again. It was the easiest for me to have him sleep right on top of me. It got a little sweaty, but at least my arms didn't fall asleep.

[mpmckinney]

He's fallen asleep that way a couple times I just get so nervous with him sleeping on his tummy since everything you read pounds in the concept that they must sleep on their backs. So frustrated! I'm so nervous to do something "wrong" and hurt him!

[rzberrymom]

Have you tried swaddling him? My DD sleeps a super long stretch anywhere, but only if she's swaddled in a Miracle Blanket or Kiddopatomus swaddler. Before we swaddled, she would only sleep on my chest at night (which freaked me out).

[Alisse]

In the first 3 months my son slept in my arms, positioned such that we slept on our sides, belly to belly. He also slept with me under my huge duvet. We slept this way only because i knew with 100% certainty deep down inside that he'd be safe despite the covers and my husband beside us who sleeps very deeply. I'd never recommend it to anyone and i would discourage bedsharing in anyway that gave you any uncertainty with respect to safety.

[karika]

my dds slept right on my chest for the first 2-3 months. they were facing me (so technically on their stomachs, but this is not the dangerous thing you have heard about IMO, the danger of stomach sleeping has a lot to do with the flame retardant in the mattresses offgassing (IMO) and a baby not being able to turn his head if his mouth and nose are against mattress. If on your chest, this is not the case (IMO) . I did not wear any top in those early days, no pillow and thin blanket only to my waist when they were infants. when we would wake to nurse every 2-3 hours, I would feed them for a bit doing side lying nursing, then back up on my chest so I could go back to sleep safely. I have a bed to myself btw (well except me and the baby, I mean, no man). I wouldn't want an animal in my cosleeping bed either, but a dog that stays at the foot of the bed shouldn't be a problem. I understand your hesitancy about the mattress. If the baby was to lie face down on it, that could be dangerous because it is so soft. Is there a firmer mattress in your home? Once the baby can turn his head, it will be different. I agree with pp though, as long as baby is on your chest, it shouldn't be a problem. Just make sure you are awake during nursing until the baby and bed are safe for one another I would say, unless you have boobs that baby can eat from while staying on your chest... then you got it made. change the temperature of the room? I have a room heater that works without fire danger, and eden pure for my room only, very efficient. I used a vaporizer that put off heat before I had this. cost $12. It kept room at a balmy 72. I do not think having the baby on a pillow is the same as on you, there is a connection that exists in sleep when the infant is on you IMO. Having a baby on a pillow does not sound as safe to me and I would recommend no pillows or heavy blanket. If others are in your bed, they should have their own blanket of any type and be way over on their side of bed with their pillow. It sounds like your baby knows what is best, to be with momma, now making the bed safe is the next step. Perhaps a mattress cover would make it less 'giving'? If you would feel safer, you could make a pallet on the floor for now.

[Smithie]

"He's fallen asleep that way a couple times I just get so nervous with him sleeping on his tummy since everything you read pounds in the concept that they must sleep on their backs."

My first baby would ONLY sleep on his stomach in a bed when he was a newborn. He did live. But we did not have a memory foam mattress or a thick comforter, and I don't think I'd be comfortable with that setup, particularly since the stomach-sleeping may persist long-term, so it may not be a matter of just enduring this stage for a few weeks/months.

In your situation I'd try swaddling and a Snuggle Nest first (maybe see if you can get the Snuggle Nest secondhand and wash it, rather than blowing $50 if he doesn't like it.) I'd also offer a pacifier (opinion varies on this one, but one of the opinions out there is that sucking a paci during sleep reduces the risk of SIDS, and I know for sure that it helps my most recent baby to sleep well.) If that didn't work, I'd seriously consider buying a nice firm twin, full or queen mattress, putting in on the floor in the room the baby will ultimately be sleeping in, cosleeping on it during this early stage, and rejoining your DH and your dog in the memory foam bed at some point in the next couple of years. That may sound extreme to you. But a good night's sleep for all is worth taking some extreme action. Trust me.

But if you can make the Snuggle Nest work, don't worry about the dog. I think dog-hurting-baby-in-the-family-bed worries are pretty much up there with cat-sucking-the baby's breath worries in terms of actual likelihood.