how to deal with nosy/annoying strangers

[A&A]

Ds is extremely light sensitive, and wears prescription sunglasses all of the time. Strangers (adults) can be so annoying about this! They'll call him "Mr. Cool" (mildly annoying) to asking why he's wearing sunglasses indoors, to telling him to take them off (!) to calling him labels like "silly." (That happened today.)

I usually ignore these people, or tell them that his sunglasses are prescription, but I want a better "stock" answer to tell these people to go take a flying leap! Any thoughts/ideas?

[momasana]

I'll be honest, I'm one of those people that would probably call him "Mr. Cool" or say "hey, cool shades" or something like that. I would never say it is silly or that he should take them off, though.

I think telling people that his glasses are prescription is a good way to get them to shut their mouth, and maybe keep quiet about other things they observe about other children. It isn't witty, but it gets the point across.

[Marylizah]

t1h
I would just say that they're medically necessary and leave it at that. Most people would never imagine there's a medical reason, and probably think it's just a kid thing, yk? No need to have a snappy comeback, even tho I imagine it gets really annoying to repeat yourself 1000 times a day...

[Lollybrat]

My son is also extremely light sensitive. He also has a lot of vision issues due to having albinism. DS has been wearing Transitions lenses since he was 2 years old. I've heard a lot of annoying comments over the years from people (even family members) who think that it's a waste of money to get "fancy lenses" for such a young child. People can be thoughtless and rude. DS also has autism, so it seems that there are always strangers who are making ignorant comments about him for one reason or another.

Regarding the glasses, I generally just say, "He has some very complex vision problems" and leave it at that.

[Pavlovs]

I agree with the others. My son wears an insulin pump (has since he was an infant) and we've gotten lots of comments like "why does he need a cell phone" and so forth. I'm just upfront and have taught my son to be direct as well. "It's an insulin pump. He has diabetes." I try to remember that people aren't trying to be snarky, they are just uninformed, as I would be had my son not had diabetes. I think it's important to model to my son how to educate people about his pump without feeling defensive or self-conscious, especially since he's now 5 and has to deal directly with comments from strangers.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by momasana

I think telling people that his glasses are prescription is a good way to get them to shut their mouth, and maybe keep quiet about other things they observe about other children. It isn't witty, but it gets the point across.

Thanks all. Yeah, I guess I'll just keep saying this.

[alexsam]

Yeah, I agree with others. A clear (not defensive, but direct) response that they are medically necessary usually snaps people right into place without being snarky. My son often wears a patch for his lazy eye and we get the "Are you playing pirate?" to my son and when he was little, I answered "No... He's got an eye that doesn't want to work as hard, so the patch is to get the eye strong." Grown ups get the lazy-eye connection right away and I can see that they either feel kind of embarassed or sometimes (which is great!) they know "another little kid with the same thing" and my son then gets to hear about others who wear patches and have lazy eyes.

Its never fun when we think our child is being judged an a "weakness", but what I've come to believe is that my job is not to police the world around him, but to make him able to stand confidently. My job is NOT make this something HE shoud feel ashamed about by not talking about it, not answering honestly or sending the message I am in "defense mode" (because "defending him" means that he needs some defense, and there is nothing "wrong" with him). It's not a weakness. It's a difference. And we are all different. It takes admitting that others may not understand and that these comments will come up, but you are modeling not only how to respond, but in some ways, even how to feel. I've never been ashamed, fearful, or avoided people with my son's lazy eye and patch. From that, he now educates people himself about the patch and I've been so proud for him to tell people sincerely clearly, gently and firmly... then he moves on. And so do they.

[AFWife]

In a bit of defense of the "annoying strangers"... a lot of people don't come in contact with CHILDREN with any sort of medical problem. And if they do, they probably don't know it. A lot of people have the "children are resilient and nothing gets to them or can be wrong with them" mentality. Further more, I knew kids growing up that wore sunglasses inside just because they wanted to be "cool" or wore an eye patch after watching a movie with pirates in it. I had to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours as a child (heart murmur) and remember being SO embarrassed about it on my waistband; so my mom gave me a set of headphones to wear around my neck so everyone would think it was a walkman. *shrugs* No one asked.

I say all of that disjointedly to say: Most people don't mean to be rude. They're probably just not used to seeing a child with a medical condition... Giving a short, medical reason should be good enough....if they're rude after that feel free to go Mama Bear on them!

[intentionalmama]

Originally Posted by alexsam

Its never fun when we think our child is being judged an a "weakness", but what I've come to believe is that my job is not to police the world around him, but to make him able to stand confidently. My job is NOT make this something HE shoud feel ashamed about by not talking about it, not answering honestly or sending the message I am in "defense mode" (because "defending him" means that he needs some defense, and there is nothing "wrong" with him). It's not a weakness. It's a difference. And we are all different. It takes admitting that others may not understand and that these comments will come up, but you are modeling not only how to respond, but in some ways, even how to feel. I've never been ashamed, fearful, or avoided people with my son's lazy eye and patch. From that, he now educates people himself about the patch and I've been so proud for him to tell people sincerely clearly, gently and firmly... then he moves on. And so do they.

I love this post. I really admire the way you are with your son. Such wisdom and truth.

[twead]

I want to say kuddos to you who use the educate and move on method. Teaching children to be OK with their differences is so very important. Those who treat children w/ differences (no one here, I'm sure) in a hush-hush way have no idea how their actions have life long influences.

I can say that my FIL is extremely embarrassed about his medical condition. In my mind it is nothing to be embarrassed about, he has a genetic condition that dictates his nutrition and he was in a hunting accident as a teen that left him barely able to walk with a cane. But I have never seen him walk any other way. The family DOES NOT talk about it! Everyone has to make concessions for him because he can't get around well, but NO ONE openly acknowledges it. It is such a pain that you can't ask in his presence if he can do such and such, or if such and such is appropriate for him. When we got married, what a total pain! I wanted to take a family train ride through the smokies, but since the train conductor would have to bring out a step for him to get on the train, we couldn't do it. A friggin step! So everyone missed out on a gorgeous ride through the mountains.

[KimberlyD0]

DD#2 has a vascular malformation called CMTC. Its caused her right let from her toes to the top of her bum are covered in very dark purple vains. She was born with them. Her right leg is also noticable smaller then her left, both in muscle mass and in length (LLD) so all her life we've had comments.

CAS has been called 5 time on us because it looks like really bad bruises. We've also gotten the strange looks if she wears shorts or a dress without tights.

We got comments all the time at the hospital when she was born too. From the midwife, OB's, and nurses.

When she was 3 months old she got an ultrasound on the leg to ensure the bloodflow itself was ok. We had 3 nurses and 2 doctors in questioning me about the "buises"

I've learned to always carry around an information package about her condition no matter where we go.

Honestly its annoying, and its hurtful at times, especially when people think we've hurt her but we've decided to take the "high road" we're polite, and we say what it is and leave it at that.

I don't want this to effect her in a negative way. I want her to love who she is and except that this is part of who she is and that there is nothing wrong with her.

Her sister who is 4.5 even knows what to say. She also makes sure the other kids leave her alone.

In my opinion its about how WE react as parent not how strangers react thats importent. Teaching them that its ok to be different, and its ok if someone asks, that we just answer. That most are not trying to be rude, mean, or hurtfull, but trully don't understand.

We use it to teach our girls more about tolernce and acceptence.