Homebirth as a surrogate

[SAHMinHawaii]

I have always wanted to be a Gestational surrogate mother. I have had 3 healthy children naturally without any complications. I throughly enjoy pregnancy even with my Pubic symphysis pain. 8 years ago, my husband said he was not okay with surrogacy and would not consent. 3 years ago we started talking about it again and he finally understood that I would be able to do this emotionally and he started supporting my desire. Within the past year my husband has been 100% on board. We are in arizona so it is technically "illegal" so you have to go about as an adoption even though its genetically not your child. My criteria for the IP is very specific and my chances of finding a family that fit was very slim. I have very strong feelings about natural childbirth and pregnancy. I would not agree to unnecessary induction or c-section just so the IP would be there for the birth. I also wanted a open and close relationship with the family. So my hopes of being a surrogate has always been there but it wasn't being pursued. I am a newly trained doula and I frequently get contacted my my previous midwife with new clients. I train families in Natural Childbirth and offer doula services. A few days ago I got a call from her and i grabbed my calendar thinking it was going to be a client referral. She tells me she was talking to a woman from her church about Essential Oils and her infertility came up. She said she had wanted to do surrogacy but twice its fallen through. They decided to not pursue it for now because they couldn't find someone to follow their wishes. My midwife said she had just the person for her and I was discussed. So now I have spoken to her on the phone for an hour, and met her in person for 2.5 hours. Our preferences during pregnancy and desires for childbirth are the same. We are thrilled we found each other and we both feel that each other is "the one". We are going to do this within the next 6 months. Awesome thing is we will be having a homebirth with my midwife. We also discussed me carrying a second child for them years from now. I never thought this would happen and its going to! I'm beyond thrilled that I have found someone who will fully appreciate how I care for my body, her child and have a natural childbirth for them and at home! She also wants me to provide colostrum for the baby since she will only have milk production(induced). We will have long term contact with each other and she lives in the same tiny town as I do. sup: We both have specific things we will not do that normal IVF patients do. We will implant one embryo at a time, etc.. So experiences surrogate mamas, chime in. Anything I need to think about, consider?

[thefreckledmama]

I don't have any advice or anything, I just wanted to say how wonderful I think it is you found one another. It's awesome how things can work out when we hold to what we want/believe and wait for the right time.

[Aka mommy]

Just make sure you have MW's who are on board with surrogacy. It can be a very interesting road. I was a surrogate last year. Originally we had agreed to homebirth, then some legal issues popped up and we decided to do a hospital birth. But we hired my mw's as doulas to make sure i transfered at the correct time. We ended up with a very FAST surprise homebirth.

It can be really awesome. Also, make sure you have GREAT lawyers for each of you. Feel free to PM me, as my journey is very fresh in my mind (gave birth last april).

[Kellyh_01]

I carried surrogate twins 7 years ago, and I'm pregnant with another surrogate baby now. It's the most amazing experience!! I am so glad that you were patient and have found your perfect match. Check out surromomsonline.com
There is a ton of info there. I love the mdc boards, but there is not a lot of support or information for surrogacy here. Good luck to you!

Kelly

[MamaCrunch]

I gave birth to gestational surrogate twins last year. I gave birth to my own kids at home but birthed the twins in the hospital (with my mw as my doula) We had planned a homebirth for a singleton but that wasn't in the cards It was the most amazing journey! I pumped for the babies for 6 months It sounds like you've found your perfect match, it's such an incredible experience. I hope everything goes perfectly for you!

[SAHMinHawaii]

I know I should join a surro-board of some kind, but mothering feels so comfortable for me. I am a petite mama, 5'5" and 105 lbs. My first dd was a twin and we lost one early on. Im not sure size wise I could carry healthy twins. I know it is uncommon to IVF singletons but that is our plan. Any insight on this? That part I am nervous about. We are going to the infertility clinic this week for the mandatory STD screen and to start her on injections.

[Aka mommy]

Originally Posted by SAHMinHawaii

I know I should join a surro-board of some kind, but mothering feels so comfortable for me. I am a petite mama, 5'5" and 105 lbs. My first dd was a twin and we lost one early on. Im not sure size wise I could carry healthy twins. I know it is uncommon to IVF singletons but that is our plan. Any insight on this? That part I am nervous about. We are going to the infertility clinic this week for the mandatory STD screen and to start her on injections.

Best thing to do is to look up the clinics success rates (they should have them online). Since you agree to only transfer 1 it can lower your possibility of twins. In regards to size, i know a few very petite surrogates who carried twins over 38 weeks. And i dont think that mutiples is more common, I just think we hear about multiples more often then singletons in IVF.

Read, read, read. Surrogacy is a very in depth process and not something anyone should just jump into, there's soooo much that you don't know. The above mentioned board has loads of very experienced surrogates and IPs who are all willing to share their knowledge and it is priceless when doing your first journey!

[SAHMinHawaii]

Originally Posted by Aka mommy

Read, read, read. Surrogacy is a very in depth process and not something anyone should just jump into, there's soooo much that you don't know. The above mentioned board has loads of very experienced surrogates and IPs who are all willing to share their knowledge and it is priceless when doing your first journey!

I have been reading about this for about 8 years now. Its not something I am just jumping into. The reason I never thought this would happen is because I am quite picky as to who I would do this for. As for as not wanting twins, I really wanted twins myself and since I lost one I think it would be hard on me emotionally(harder). I also have 3 children and a husband who travels often for buisness and I can't be stuck on bed rest alone. Maybe I'm selfish for not wanting to carry twins, but I just personally don't want to. I don't think that makes me a bad surrogate, I just know that you need to be happy with your decisions and if i was forced to have twins or triplets i wouldnt be happy. The clinic we are using is very successful. She has been going there a long time too. We aren't going to be doing this for a few months. We have to make sure everything is in place before we do this. I will join the other forums for more support and info. Thanks

[MamaCrunch]

Originally Posted by SAHMinHawaii

I have been reading about this for about 8 years now. Its not something I am just jumping into. The reason I never thought this would happen is because I am quite picky as to who I would do this for. As for as not wanting twins, I really wanted twins myself and since I lost one I think it would be hard on me emotionally(harder). I also have 3 children and a husband who travels often for buisness and I can't be stuck on bed rest alone. Maybe I'm selfish for not wanting to carry twins, but I just personally don't want to. I don't think that makes me a bad surrogate, I just know that you need to be happy with your decisions and if i was forced to have twins or triplets i wouldnt be happy. The clinic we are using is very successful. She has been going there a long time too. We aren't going to be doing this for a few months. We have to make sure everything is in place before we do this. I will join the other forums for more support and info. Thanks

I always thought I'd do it more than once but my first experience was soooo perfect and my first "intended father" (he's single) was sooooo good that now I feel "ruined" I don't feel done being preggo or giving birth (I DO feel done adding to my own family!) so part of me really hopes the "perfect" situation falls into my lap at some point in the future...and IF that happens I'll be pretty intent on transferring only ONE at a time. With today's technology you really CAN get success transferring one at a time and although I LOVED carrying those twins SO MUCH--it was the experience of a lifetime--I don't want to carry multiples ever again if I can help it!

[gemasita]

There are IVF clinics out there that are very supportive of SETs (single embryos transfers) to minimize the chances of twins but they are few and far between. You all may want to focus your clinic search on clinics that support this (and don't just talk the talk but then suggest transferring more on transfer day. It's just like hiring someone for your birth - better to hire someone with the same philosophy than to fight all the way through.) One way to tell if they are supportive of SET is to look at their statistics in the SART database and if for under age 35, you see that they do SETs even 8 or 10% of the time, that's huge. That's about as high as it gets. Another way to tell is if they have something on their website about the benefits of SETs, risks of multiples, etc. (I have done IVF 4 times myself and am trying NOT to have twins so I have had quite a bit of experience with this - sometimes, learning the hard way unfortunately.)

[SAHMinHawaii]

Originally Posted by gemasita

One way to tell if they are supportive of SET is to look at their statistics in the SART database and if for under age 35, you see that they do SETs even 8 or 10% of the time, that's huge. That's about as high as it gets.]

Excellent advice. I looked them up and and they are at 19% for elective single egg transfer. Thanks for suggesting that. The other clinic is at 0.

[mambera]

I've heard that single embryo transfers are much more the norm in certain European countries where infertility treatments are covered by the national health plans and so people aren't so afraid of the thought of having to have more than one.

Here it's common enough for people to be paying for their IVF cycles out of pocket that they want to maximize their chances of having the first one work. In addition the clinics are always looking to maximize their published success rate per cycle. Hence both REs and patients are more willing to take on the significant medical risks associated with twins or even HOM.

OP, I think you and your IP are super smart to be targeting a singleton.

[mama2toomany]

I am a TSx 1 GSx2 this is my second GS twin pregnancy, so after this pregnancy I will have had 5 babies for surrogacy.

I know a LOT of surros who have crunchy IPs. It is important if your against some of the meds and procedures the clinic does that you tell them right away what your ok with and what your not ok with. Some clinics have very strict med rules. You also have to take into consideration what shape the embryos are in at transfer, if you have a 3 day transfer and your embryo is only 4 celled, your just going to put that one in? kwim? Obviously they would pick the healthiest 8 celler they got, but I have had a transfer where all the embryos died except one little 4 celler that wasn't gonna make it.

Just make sure you both have a very honest open relationship and that you have very good lawyers.

Feel free to PM anytime.

[AlexisT]

Originally Posted by mambera

I've heard that single embryo transfers are much more the norm in certain European countries where infertility treatments are covered by the national health plans and so people aren't so afraid of the thought of having to have more than one.

Here it's common enough for people to be paying for their IVF cycles out of pocket that they want to maximize their chances of having the first one work. In addition the clinics are always looking to maximize their published success rate per cycle. Hence both REs and patients are more willing to take on the significant medical risks associated with twins or even HOM.

OP, I think you and your IP are super smart to be targeting a singleton.

If only that were true--well, it is in some countries. In the UK, the HFEA (regulator) is the one pushing SET, even though the NHS only covers a fraction of IVF costs. By law, you can only have 2 embryos transferred; 3 if you're over 40. They want to make 1 and 2, respectively, the standard, though they are not pushing for mandatory SET.

However, the government does have a vested interest in keeping multiples rates down, because even though they don't pay for IVF, they do pay for most of the pregnancy and almost all the NICU costs associated with multiple births (you can go private for pregnancy, but NICU is all NHS).

[jmr]

Hi,

I am wanting to be a G.surrogate, and would like to homebirth. I am not finding anyone who is interested. and also wondering if you went through a agency and where you found your IP's. thanks for any help.:)