naomi wolf's "msconceptions" - Page 2

[Curious]

Crabby Baby in Arms...

I read the book shortly after Dd ws born. Suffice it to say that it sounded like Ms. Wolf was severely in need of therapy. Fine. But instead of going to someone where she could air in private like the rest of the world, she used her credentials to convince some publisher to let her do public catharsis. I heard her on the radio. Very defensive. She must be embarrassed. imho

[laralou]

See, I thought I remembered that I liked The Beauty Myth. I expected something more than what I browsed through. I thought this would be an expose but it just seemed like a story told by someone who was feeling a little bitchy that day. I was disappointed in her choices considering I expected more from her. I have been waiting to buy this but ended up picking something else to spend $25 on.

[seanjoshmom]

After reading this thread, I had to buy the book. I was really disappointed, mostly in the writing. the Beauty Myth was so much more of a scholarly work, her more recent books, and this one especially seem like her own personal whine. Like a little rich girl whine. I mean, she deserves a voice like any other woman, and her story should be heard, but I guess I was expecting something with more data, and fewer anecdotal references. At the same time, I could really relate to the shock she and her compatriots experienced at how unequal the division of labor was between the husbands and wives. As liberated as my husband is, and as forward-thinking, I was stilled floored by how much less he was into the baby thing, and how he didn't want his career to be derailed because he was punch drunk in love with the boys. Silly- I guess, since there is so much data to show that this indeed does happen, and considering the way men are socialized in this day and age. that being said, maybe it is good that she is less academic in her writing--maybe that shows she is more focused on her kids which would be a good thing. anyway, I wouldn't recommend the book.

[manitou]

How comforting! I too hated this book, after loving The Beauty Myth. She has such a victim mentality. I am not sure why she thought that childbearing and rearing is a rose garden - I was never under that impression. I read lots of stuff I didn't like while pregnant and stopped reading it rather than feeling put upon.

It was a disappointment and I quit reading after about 3 chapters.

[miriam]

naomi wolf

Dearest Friends:

I have truly enjoyed this thread. I agree w/ everything you have all said.

I want to recommend Birth As An American Rite of Passage, by Robbie E. Davis-Floyd, a well-researched book I think; it talks about how women who have proven themselves successful in the professional life have no desire left to self actualize or prove themselves through the birth experience or mothering experience.

At least that is what I got from parts of it.

[Ione]

I realise what I'm about to say has been touched upon already by others but I think it's worthy of greater detail ... [long post warning]
And, before I start, I would like to acknowledge that much of my like of Naomi W's writing is heavily influenced by the fact that, from what I have gathered about her life, we come from much the same place (born & raised in the same city, same socio-economic background, etc. with only 5 or 6 years age difference)... I fully see that what she says may not "speak" to people from different backgrounds in the same way. But she "speaks" to me.

Anyway, that said...

Like many women, the first pregnancy book I bought was What to Expect. Something in it annoyed me immensely but I couldn't put a finger on just what at first. But I doubt I would have bought other books--I figured they would all be about the same and didn't see the point of more of the same, after all What to Expect seems pretty complete when you know nothing. (I now figure it was, as NW says, that "mental peridural" effect...)

Then I saw Misconceptions and jumped on it because of the author.

When I started reading the book, the space I was in was basically (and had been intensified by book 1):

* I'm gonna have a baby. Delivery'll be rough, thank goodness for peridurals I could never do it without (despite my mom doing it without in an alternative birth center for my siblings and saying postive things about it!).
* Episiotomy? Standard care for all--no problem, part of normal birth.
* Birthing options? No need to explore 'cause I won't have any... good medical care available and everything has been explored and what's offered is probably best.
* Oh, and maybe I had been living under a rock but I had never even heard of LLL... figured I'd BF (if I was one of those "lucky few women who could" and only until going back to work at 3mo pp)...

And SO ON. I'm sure you get the picture.

From where I was comming from, Misconceptions was a HUGE eye-opener! The information was, at least to me, new.

The fact that this smart, savvy, educated woman had trouble finding medical care that treated her like someone able to make choices, the fact that she got steamrolled, etc. (that whole victim thing you criticise) made me realise and accept that it could happen to me. That just because in (difficult) TTC days I changed gynocologists because the first would only answer my questions with "don't worry, we do a great job getting women pregnant these days", did not mean I was immune to being steamrolled. It made me realise I needed to be particularly vigilant as to who would be giving me prenatal care and where/with whom I would be delivering... because my GYN was obviously NOT a lone macho jerk.

And it sent me on a hunt for sources of information outside the mainstream "what to expect" type books. (I never at any time took NW's book as anything other than her exploration/reflections on an experience I would soon be having... I never expected it to deal out medical info... )

Where am I now?

Last night DH and I ate at my parents-in-laws's and MIL asked (for the third or fourth time--she just cannot remember my answer because it scares her, I think) me again if I wanted a peridural. I said "you already asked that--no, I don't".

And DH chimed up in a joking tone: "no, she wants *nothing*, she wants to go off into the forest and give birth on a bed of moss". BUT there was trust in my decision and pride in his voice when he said it... this comming from the man who had snaped his head around in shock faster than the speed of light and said "are you crazy??!!" the first time he heard me say I did not want a peridural...

The information I found first in brief form in Misconceptions and then in more complete form (not to mention the *new ideas* even when NW was not gung-ho about them) was what led me to a search for other information...

And that other information led me not only to change my mind on wanting a peridural but also be able to explain to my husband why I did not want one... and give real, "medical" reasons and facts so that he could really feel that it was a real decision and not some ideological "you must give birth in pain" thing nor some flighty, unresearched city girl's "desire to return to nature".

I also started questioning episiotomies... and while I have no objection to them when it is a question of real need (ie baby in distress--go fast and get baby out NOW or need a c-section), I now liken unnecessary epi's to genital mutiliation of sorts. That I want to avoid if at all possible.

My hunt for other and more information (inspired by having read Misconceptions, I repeat) lead me to, among other things and places:

(The list is long, so I'll just cite the top 3.)
* LLL's site: I now plan on BFing even after returning to work, with no pre-determined ween-date, although I do still have a bit of difficulty seeing myself in really LONG EBF but instead of 3 months, it's gone up to "perhaps a year... who knows after?"

*reading birth stories and, in particular, The Birth of Grey Forest Walt which made me cry with the beauty of giving birth... made me realise I had a lot of ingrained, unconsious fear to get rid of before my own D-day... firmly convinced me that I really want to be an active part of the decisions about how and where I give birth (even if the idea of hanging from a tree hours from an emergency block is still a bit much for me...), ...

* and, of course, mothering dot com.

Sorry this got so long... but it just had to come out...
I'm sure my reaction to NW's book would have been much different (probably not that different from the majority in this thread) had I read it from where I am NOW. But I didn't. I read it from a different space (almost a different dimension)... and it is and was the corner stone in a life path that marked and made possible a MAJOR change in my attitudes.

And for that I can only be grateful!