Rant

[Super~Single~Mama]

So...My son was Baptised. Great right? NOT - I wasn't there, wasn't invited, wasn't told it was happening, and wasn't even told after the fact!!!!!!!!! No, I had to ask ex THREE times in order to get, "We did something small" in response. UAV.


AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

He's MY SON!!! I'm not some inconvenience that you have to put up with you UAV!!!! I'm my son's MOTHER, I pushed him out of MY VAGINA and I should be INCLUDED IN BIG EVENTS!!!!!! I hate that his dad is keeping part of his life a SECRET from me, and that I have to wait until he TALKS to know whats happening!

What else has happened without me knowing it? Huh? I'd really like to know. I'm pissed right now. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Avani]

Yikes that is awful and a little disturbing. That is such a rite of passage and for him to not even include you is very sad. Nothing like putting the kids first right? I'm so sorry. You should do something special with your son to celebrate in your own way.

[Satori]

I would be livid! I do hope it was at least in the same religion you are a part of? It surprises me that they would even baptize a child so young, I was under the impression it wasn't usually done until a child was old enough to agree to it and truly understand what they were agreeing to uphold as part of there beliefs?

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by Satori

I would be livid! I do hope it was at least in the same religion you are a part of? It surprises me that they would even baptize a child so young, I was under the impression it wasn't usually done until a child was old enough to agree to it and truly understand what they were agreeing to uphold as part of there beliefs?

Lots of faiths do infant baptism. I was more surprised when my husband's family didn't want to do anything when DS was teeny. It wasn't something I was familiar with. I wasn't upset or anything: rumor has it that I was baptized as an infant, but I think that was the last time I was in a church as a member!!

But yeah, OP, I'd be seriously hacked. Hopefully it's a religion you participate in or at least don't mind. But that's something you should have been involved in!

[Everrgreen]

Oh wow, that is absolutely infuriating!!! I'm so angry for you

If it were me, I would continue with any of my own religious baptisms/celebrations/etc. that I wanted to do and ignore whatever was done without my consent. Hard to do I'm sure.

I'm actually surprised that a church would do a baptism without Mom being present or even consenting to it. It just seems so wrong!

[LoveOhm]

I am sorry your hurting mama. That said I delayed having my daughter blessed because I would have had to choose between inviting her dad and inviting my family..... that all dislike what he has done, he dislikes them so it would not be an enjoyable day for anyone.

I do think he should have told you but when the separation is fresh sometimes it's best you both do your own things. It does not hurt or confuse a baby to be baptised twice but the stress and tension between parents is very noticable to children.

He may have not told you because you would have been pissed or fear you would tell him no. I would not show him your pissed because of the actual act but because you should be parenting as a team which means communicating openly........ get to the heart of the matter, ask (nicely) what can we do so you feel comfortable being honest and open with me in the future?

[Ceinwen]

That is unbelievable.

I would be completely enraged & hurt.

I'm so sorry mama.

[PoppyMama]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

I am sorry your hurting mama. That said I delayed having my daughter blessed because I would have had to choose between inviting her dad and inviting my family..... that all dislike what he has done, he dislikes them so it would not be an enjoyable day for anyone.

I do think he should have told you but when the separation is fresh sometimes it's best you both do your own things. It does not hurt or confuse a baby to be baptised twice but the stress and tension between parents is very noticable to children.

He may have not told you because you would have been pissed or fear you would tell him no. I would not show him your pissed because of the actual act but because you should be parenting as a team which means communicating openly........ get to the heart of the matter, ask (nicely) what can we do so you feel comfortable being honest and open with me in the future?

I don't think most christian denom. will do two baptisms. She would have to lie and say he wasn't baptised yet and...well that wouldn't be good.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I dont suppose I need to remind you to document the H*LL out of this situation. No, I dont believe I do.

mama. Just another reason why its sucha good thing you got away from him. Thats just dispicable.

[ArtsyMomma]

I'm so sorry mama, if I was in your position I would be infuriated. I don't baptize and DP wants to baptize our newborn in a catholic church (we both have catholic families). I'm very much opposed and it's an issue we haven't resolved yet. I'm hoping he forgets/drops it.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Thanks everyone. His family is Catholic (ex is NOT - unless he's started going to church once we split). Yeah, I'm just pissed b/c I wasn't told. I had to ask THREE times before he even answered my question!! Ugh. I still don't even know when or where it was! I can't even contact the priest to ask him about it b/c I don't know WHO DID IT!!!!!! Grr.....I could just call all the catholic churches in my ex's home town to find out - do you think they would release that info to me? I think they might have to since I'm DS's MOM!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

I am sorry your hurting mama. That said I delayed having my daughter blessed because I would have had to choose between inviting her dad and inviting my family..... that all dislike what he has done, he dislikes them so it would not be an enjoyable day for anyone.

I do think he should have told you but when the separation is fresh sometimes it's best you both do your own things. It does not hurt or confuse a baby to be baptised twice but the stress and tension between parents is very noticable to children.

He may have not told you because you would have been pissed or fear you would tell him no. I would not show him your pissed because of the actual act but because you should be parenting as a team which means communicating openly........ get to the heart of the matter, ask (nicely) what can we do so you feel comfortable being honest and open with me in the future?

I know you weren't being snarky - but I don't think you know the situation. I won't ask him this b/c I'm really afraid the answer would be something along the lines of, "I want you to go to Seattle and live with your family and never see DS again."

Which is fine if thats what he wants, but it sure as hell isn't what he's going to get. I'M NOT GOING TO ABANDON MY SON YOU A**HOLE!!! (Sorry Mods, I'm sure that was against the UA - but it sure felt good to type out.)

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by thyra

Thanks everyone. His family is Catholic (ex is NOT - unless he's started going to church once we split). Yeah, I'm just pissed b/c I wasn't told. I had to ask THREE times before he even answered my question!! Ugh. I still don't even know when or where it was! I can't even contact the priest to ask him about it b/c I don't know WHO DID IT!!!!!! Grr.....I could just call all the catholic churches in my ex's home town to find out - do you think they would release that info to me? I think they might have to since I'm DS's MOM!

It's worth a shot. Explain it to the churches calmly and politely that you know your son was baptised in the past year (?) but you're not sure which church since it was done without your knowledge. Request a copy of the baptismal certificate for your records. It's not that out-there of a request. If your son is ever going to be involved in the Catholic church, it's an important document--even if he's not, it's still good to have that document in your records. See what they say. That will tell you when, where, and who the god-parents/sponsers were.

p.s. The one nice thing about it being Catholic---they're awesome record keepers!!! If it was done, a document was created. After that, you can have a little chit-chat with the priest about doing this without at least your consent. I'm really surprised about that!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by RollerCoasterMama

It's worth a shot. Explain it to the churches calmly and politely that you know your son was baptised in the past year (?) but you're not sure which church since it was done without your knowledge. Request a copy of the baptismal certificate for your records. It's not that out-there of a request. If your son is ever going to be involved in the Catholic church, it's an important document--even if he's not, it's still good to have that document in your records. See what they say. That will tell you when, where, and who the god-parents/sponsers were.

p.s. The one nice thing about it being Catholic---they're awesome record keepers!!! If it was done, a document was created. After that, you can have a little chit-chat with the priest about doing this without at least your consent. I'm really surprised about that!

Thanks! I didn't know this about the certificate. Do I just go to any Catholic church? Or can I call? Hmm....I sense a homework project for the next weekend DS is with his dad.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by thyra

Thanks! I didn't know this about the certificate. Do I just go to any Catholic church? Or can I call? Hmm....I sense a homework project for the next weekend DS is with his dad.

Looks like you have to find that local parish--not just any church. I'd start by making a list of the Catholic churches in your x's home town, or where his parents are. (Chances are, it's his parents church. Some parishes are pretty strict about who they baptise...I've heard some interesting stories.) Call them and just explain what you're looking for: a replacement baptismal certificate. They'll know exactly who to talk to and the process.

I'm not Catholic but my extended family is, so I know just enough about the processes to navigate when I need to. Rumor has it I was the only kid in my family baptised (until my sister did it before she got married) and there's a nice little certificate in my baby book with the date, location and god-parents in there. That's the piece of paper you're after!

You may be able to do some of the leg-work at a local church by explaining the situation and asking them who you should call.

I don't know for sure, but if you have any time at all during the week, you're more likely to catch the right person. I think most of them do the administrative stuff during regular office hours.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Dang. This could be hard. I don't know where his family goes to church, only which towns they live in (which are small, so hopefully there are only one or 2 possibilities). They also live about an hour from me, so I can't go visit them, but I'll call around.

Thanks for the info!! Oh, can I get the cert if I'm not catholic?

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by thyra

Dang. This could be hard. I don't know where his family goes to church, only which towns they live in (which are small, so hopefully there are only one or 2 possibilities). They also live about an hour from me, so I can't go visit them, but I'll call around.

Thanks for the info!! Oh, can I get the cert if I'm not catholic?

Here's what I'd do:
Start by calling the local church. Explain the situation. Ask them for the contacts in the churches where your ex-inlaws live. OR if they have a database that could confirm where they're members? They might! I seriously don't know! Esp since they're only an hour away. They might be linked up higher up the food-chain--share a bishop or something.

The process I was seeing was to send a letter requesting the document...you can do that once you confirm where to send it. So hopefully a few phone calls will sort that part out.

And it's your son's document. There's no reason I can think of why you shouldn't be able to have a copy for his records. It's worth a couple of phone calls anyway!!!

GOOD LUCK!!

[Avani]

Just a thought if you share custody, physical and legal, go through the court/lawyer/mediator requesting the baptismal document. Or tell your ex you are taking him to court ex parte to demand the certificate since it is your legal right if he does not provide it to you asap. Maybe that will you get it quicker?

[Super~Single~Mama]

I just did a quick internet search and I *think* I found the church he was baptized in. I'm going to call them as soon as my class is over and find out what happened.

As far as going through the court, there is no custody order yet. I have "de facto" custody according to the court, but there is nothing formal yet b/c we're probably going to have a hearing in a year or so. We're going through the forensic eval's right now.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Ok, there's not record of the baptism at the church I thought it was at. So...how do I find the local church? I'm so unfamiliar with Catholicism that I don't know what to do....