Would this be ok with you?

[Barefoot~Baker]

I'll try to be brief with the background - husband and I split up about 2 months ago, and I'm in the house with the kids. He went about 5 weeks without seeing them, then last week saw just my older 2, and this time he is out with the older 2 and wants to come and see the baby (8 month old) "briefly" and doesn't even want to come into the house. I have said over and over that if he wanted to visit that he was welcome and I would stay out of his way.

The baby is not even going to remember him at this point. I want him to stay a while and bond a little with him.

Part of this is a power struggle, because I just feel like I'm "presenting" the baby to his highness at the door like the slave-ish wife I used to be.

So, there are a couple of issues here...please help me to do the right thing.

[Satori]

Its not your job to create a relationship between your children and there father. All you can do is give the opportunity and its up to him to take it. Maybe he feels he's just not good with babies and is better when there older? A lot of men are like that.

[ArtsyMomma]

My ex left when DS#1 was 6 weeks old. We did a few family activities right after ex left, but that got old quickly. He had zero involvement with DS until DS was a year old. He never held him, or talked to him. He didn't ask to take the baby when he took our older two. At a year old I couldn't afford the babysitter to go to work, and insisted ex take our son along on visits. Ex started taking the little guy and it has worked out ok, DS loves his dad and doesn't seem to have suffered any ill effects.

You can't really make your ex be a good parent. You can try, but the most you can really do is be the rock when the kids come home.

[meemee]

i have an onlie. ex would see 18 month old dd for 10-15 mins a few times a day. he just could not handle her more than that by himself. he wanted slack. i gave it to him.

result today at 7 years old he and dd have a v. close bond.

is he good with babies? perhaps he feels overwhelmed adn would not be good for the baby. i dont think btw babies forget. baby might seem standoffish or try to figure out what's going on but i doubt baby would forget.

if he wants to hang out at the porch or take baby for short walk that would be ok with me.

[pranamama]

I'd tolerate it with the idea that I prefer that to an overnight with dad at that stage of babyhood. You don't have to be the one that presents the baby if you think he'll have an attitude, have a friend come do it or hire a sitter