My ds is about the same age. He seems to have already gone through the "no" stage and is now in the "stop" phase... What seems to help the most is giving him choices as much as possible. It used to be a battle to change his diaper, until we got training pants (we were hoping to start potty training), and started asking him "would you like a diaper or training pants." He says "diaper" every time, but it's no longer a huge struggle to change his diaper. "Would you like to wear this shirt with the robots or this shirt with the animals?" " would you like water or milk to drink?" It just seems that as he gets more choices, he says "no" a lot less. He also has a step stool so he can climb up to wash his hands...and he's MUCH more willing to do that now, because he can himself. We've backed off in other ways like he'll start washing his hands, he'll sometimes get distracted and want to wash all his cars and do lots of pouring in the sink. As long as we're not in a hurry somewhere, I just get a book to read and sit there to make sure he's safe, and let him take his time. Once in a while, I remind him to let me know when he's done. It seems like my saying "no" less often has helped him say "no" less often too. Oh, and tantrums, ds likes to throw things when he's upset, I usually bring him something it's ok to throw, like a stuffed animal or a splat ball and play it by ear whether to try and distract him or not. Sometimes if he's really upset, you just have to wait it out.
but it is frustrating.
My five year is doing this and it's driving me to the brink of sanity and beyond.
