I am a mom who is parenting w/o a "roadmap" IOW-I grew up w/horrible role models. This is especially true of my teen years. About the only interaction I had w/ my own mother was when I objected to one of her boyfriends coming over/moving in, or I dared to complain about me being the one to mostly raise my 10 yrs younger sister. Those comments were always met with a hard slap across the face. Things got so bad, that I moved out during my senior year of high school, to protect myself.
My internal rule of thumb for parenting my dc has always been to do the opposite of what my mom would have done. So far, even with two 2E dc, I thought I was doing fairly well.
Since the start of March, she has an attitude that is downright scary! The horrible venom that can come from her is hurtful, scary, and beyond frustrating. Here is the most recent example.....
Later yesterday afternoon I went for a bike ride. Before I went I told both dc to clean up the yard(they'd been doing chores and playing with friends and had dragged lots of stuff out of the garage).I also told them to be showered and ready by 6 for church, so that when I returned home I would be able to hop in the shower and get ready too, so we wouldn't be late. (Church starts at 7.) Dh was watchign the Masters,had just showered and was throwing dinner in the dutch oven when I was leaving for my ride. He knew what I had talked to the dc about.
I arrive home and see that dd has dirt smeared here and there-I reminded her of what we had talked about-and she replied she was going to spot wash, and the bathroom would be free for me.
And we're off to church, only slightly late.
I talk with my bff after church, while dh takes the dc to the coffee house. It turns to a very emotional conversation, and we talk too long. Hug, kiss, and off to find our families.
Dd sees me and gives me an embarrassingly dirty look. This is something she's NEVER done in public. At home, yes, and we immediately call her on it.
She is beyond furious, and tells me to not talk to her. I give a heartfelt apology to each of them. DD is very upset, crying and going on and on about how hungry she is. She tells me to "save it." (meaning my apology) Dh calls her on her rudeness. We are now back in the car, and she starts yelling about how hungry she is and how I have ruined dinner for everyone. Dh tells her she can express herself respectfully or be quiet, adds that I have not ruined dinner, we will be home in five minutes, and can she please be more patient. I apologize to everyone again, including how sorry I am that dd is so hungry, and announce that I am praying dinner isn't ruined.
She doesn't stop. She starts crying about how she is shaky and her stomach hurts, and snaps at ds. Dh tells her he is sorry, he's getting us home as safely and quickly as possible. She continues on. He says to be quiet all the way home or she will eat her dinner in her room. She yells fine that it isn't okay for her to tell her own parents how hungry she is. Dh warns her not to say another word, and says to her that it is the way she is expressing herself that is inappropraite, rude, and disrespectful. She cries the rest of the way home.
Out of the driveway, she slams the cardoor shut, stomps into the kitchen, picks the lid off of our *super* nice dutch oven, slams it down and screams she hopes I'm happy that yes I did ruin dinner. She runs to her room, is crying and yelling and her anger is directed at me.
Dh( almost always calm, cool, collected) yells at her to just cool it, pull herself together, and then come down to dinner as it was not ruined and was about to be served.
She comes flying down the stairs, storms into kitchen, gets out a box of Annies, and starts to fix it!
Holy smokes, I thought both dh and I would each blow a gasket!
I have lots of issues I am dealing with in counseling at the moment, so I leave the kitchen. Dh says very calmly for her to knock it off, put the Annie's and pan away, and sit on the couch as her plate was ab out ready.
Ds meanwhile, comes running to me, shaking, and clearly upset. I am now very
but I know my primary emotion is frustration!! Who is this dd that I nursed for 4+ yrs, slept with for 6 yrs, never spanked, spent lots of nights awake with her as she worked through anxiety and panic disorder issues, and homeschool?? Sweet girl turned monster??Does she apologize? yes, she does, but it is said w/o much emotion and not at all convincing.
There's more issues, but I'll stop here for you to ask questions(or not) and listen to what you see(hear) or don't.
So sorry for rambling...
tia!!!
I will look into the turkey jerky-NEVER thought of that!
