Ready to throw in the towel

[bezark]

DS is 12 months, and I'm really starting to dread every nursing session.
He nurses to sleep for naps and bed time and wakes 2-5 times per night to nurse (as well as once every 1-2 hours during the day).
I feel awful about it, but I just can't take it anymore. I resent being the only person able to put him to sleep, and he often doesn't let me get up from his naps. At bed time, he'll usually let me get up after about an hour, which leaves me enough free time to pee and brush my teeth before *I* have to go to bed.
He bites, he pinches, he squirms.
Something needs to change. I hate having these feelings, but they're here.

Advice, support, BTDT?

[pbjmama]

Sleep makes all the difference for me. How about working towards night weaning?

[Baby_Cakes]

I would definitely try nightweaning ala Dr. Jay Gordon. We nw'ed DD at 12/13 months, too. It was just time. Sleep makes all the difference!! It makes you not resent the day time nursings, and soon you actually start to enjoy it again!

Another thing to keep in mind is that nightweaning (and weaning, actually) isn't a guarantee that your LO will sleep any better. In fact, not being able to nurse to sleep or nap would probably mean more work rocking, singing, or sitting with him for a long time with lots of struggles to keep him in one place. Just think about the alternative, and you may realize that the nursing is the easiest course of action for you -- and the best for your LO b/c of all that comfort.

But of course you need a break! Look how far you've come! Congratulations on making it this far!! That said, I think you do need to reevaluate some things b/c the nursing relationship is just that -- a relationship. Your feelings really do matter and if you're getting resentful you need to figure out what exactly you need to do to make it feel like it's a partnership again. Set some boundaries, increase solids, offer a sippy cup, etc. Have a partner take over a few night wakings?

[ps4624]

I have definitely Been There and Done That! My DD is 14 months old and I hit a HUGE nursing aversion wall at 13 months. My DD sounds exactly like your DS - only nurses to sleep and then holds me hostage. She was nursing 10-15 times a night - I literally could not roll over or get up to pee. It was awful.

On day 399 (I actually counted) of not sleeping more than 2 hours at a time, I totally freaked out. I jumped out of bed at 1:00AM after she tried to nurse for the 34th time that night and ran away from my child. I am not proud of it, but I literally could not take it a second longer. DH took over and they made it through the night while I stayed in the guest room. It was not an easy night for anyone. The next night was hard, too. The third night was a ton better, and every night since then has been fairly smooth.

Since we've nightweaned, I feel like I am a better parent. I'm calmer, I'm much better rested and her sleep has improved, too.

Good luck - I definitely feel for you.

[Tjej]

It sounds like you need to establish some boundaries that you are happy with. It really isn't for your child to "let you" get up or not, and it isn't okay for you to be pinched and hurt. Your needs are important too.

Of course it doesn't mean that your baby doesn't have needs, but I think sometimes it can be hard to make the transition from a tiny baby with NEEDS and a toddler with WANTS that look like the same needs they had as a baby.

I hope that makes sense. Your child CAN go to sleep without you - it might be hard for a few days, but it can work.

Tjej

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by pbjmama

Sleep makes all the difference for me. How about working towards night weaning?

As for the pinching, etc, have you tried a nursing necklace? The distraction may help you to set some nursing etiquette rules.

[elliottsmommy]

We were having so much trouble getting my son to sleep well until we did a complete overhaul of his nursery. He has always been such a sensitive sleeper! Around the time he turned 14 months, we bought some black-out drapes for his window that completely blocked every bit of street light at night, and quite a lot of sunshine during his naps. We also bought a Marpac SleepMate white noise machine, which was just loud enough to block out the sounds of chatter on the street and traffic sounds. We saw dramatic results in the first few weeks. He started sleeping through the night at 15 months, and has been sleeping well ever since. Occasionally he'll wake up randomly throughout the night, but it's getting more and more rare.

Hope this helps you think of anything in his environment that might need tweaking!

[Megan73]

Originally Posted by Tjej

Of course it doesn't mean that your baby doesn't have needs, but I think sometimes it can be hard to make the transition from a tiny baby with NEEDS and a toddler with WANTS that look like the same needs they had as a baby.

This is EXACTLY right. I agree with PPs that nightweaning may be the answer. This is the time for your partner to step up and take over nighttime parenting for a while.