Keeping DC home if s/he doesn't get into school of choice?

[MommaMoo]

DS turns 5 in July, and I'm trying to enroll him in a great little charter school. He's been with me almost constantly since he was born, so going to school will be a BIG change for him. He's a very sensitive kid who is still unable to go up to and play with other kids. I love the charter school-it's small, has multi-age classrooms with several teacher's helpers, is nature oriented, very caring, and the teacher taught at a Montessori school for 10 years. Montessori is my dream school, but we can't afford it. Every time I call the school, they tell me that they'll have the lottery results "Next week." It's getting incredibly frustrating.

I went to register DS at the local public school, just it case, and I did not like it at all. It's supposed to be the best school in the district. There's 20 kids to a class, and no teacher's aide. Parents volunteer in the class. The play area is just blacktop. They gave me a list of everything DS is supposed to know before he even starts kindy, like how to hold a pencil, write his name, take direction from adults, be fine with being separated from me, etc.. I am extremely put off by how academic it all is. There is no way that DS will be ready for that kind of environment. I was feeling really panicky about it, knowing that if DS ended up at this public school it would really be traumatizing for him. Anyway, if he doesn't get into the charter school I'm going to keep him home with me for another year. Heck, I think I'll keep him home with me UNTIL he gets into this charter school. DH's mom started him in kindy a year late, too. Not for anything to do with silly competition issues. DH was like DS. Just not emotionally ready to start yet. MIL never regretted her decision, and DH always thought it was cool that he was the oldest kid in his class.
Is anyone else going to have their kid skip kindy this year if they don't get into the school of your choice?

[rabrog]

Our plan was to homeschool until DD got into the magnet school (she got in last year - only kid waitlisted at lottery to get a spot so it was a moot point).

I wouldn't bother calling the school you're trying for until the end of the month. Up here, lotteries are taking place all month (three different schools) and letters will be sent out by the end of the month. When you find out about the lottery results, be sure to find out your son's slot number and how close he is to being in.

I'd start homeschooling K in the fall and if a spot opens up during the year, he can move into the school. If not, try for a spot next year. He can repeat K at the school.

Jenn

[raksmama]

Go with your feelings! If you don't have a good one about the public school and your child can not get a place in the charter school I see now harm in keeping him home with you longer. I often think if I could do it all over again I would probably do that.

[MommaMoo]

I will try to be more patient about the lotto results. When I took a tour they told me that they planned to have results by mid-March at the latest. They probably just got bombarded with applications and had to wait longer.

I really want DS to be in some sort of program in the fall. He needs to learn how to be around other kids and I'd like him to have some fun experiences outside of home, without me around. Since the deadline to apply for preschool has passed, I'm just not sure what to do. DS will have an extremely difficult time separating from me and it has to be a place that is sensitive to that.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by MommaMoo

They gave me a list of everything DS is supposed to know before he even starts kindy, like how to hold a pencil, write his name, take direction from adults, be fine with being separated from me, etc.. I am extremely put off by how academic it all is. There is no way that DS will be ready for that kind of environment.

I don't think that list tells you much in term of how academic it is. Besides being away from you, what on the list will be difficult for him?

List like that are more of a *wish* list than a requirement. They will work with the kids on things like how to hold a pencil.

[MommaMoo]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I don't think that list tells you much in term of how academic it is. Besides being away from you, what on the list will be difficult for him?

List like that are more of a *wish* list than a requirement. They will work with the kids on things like how to hold a pencil.

My concerns aren't solely about the list of things they want done. It's that DS is still *extremely* attached to me and reluctant to leave. He has always been fearful of other kids unless he gets a lot of warm-up time, and he would be especially freaked out by a large group of kids. The public school wants DS to be fine with just being dropped off, but the charter school is receptive to a lot of warm-up time for him. They are also much, much smaller, and have a high teacher to student ratio. They also have actual trees and plants and grass, not just blacktop like the PS. DS is crazy about plants and gardening. The PS might be an OK place for DS if he was older, and if he were a different kind of kid it might be a fine fit. At this point, however, I think it would terrify him.

[umsami]

DS1 went to a school that sounds like that for Public Pre-K in NY. I was very unsure about it... and we, too, got a list of skills, etc. But, I wanted to give him a chance to see if he liked it... not put my own feelings into the mix.

The first week was really hard... but more on me, than him. The school has a no walking kids to class policy... you had to leave them at the front door. Every day when I picked him up, he was beaming, though. It took about two weeks for him to become totally comfortable walking himself in, but after that, it wasn't an issue. He ended up with a great, very experienced Pre-K teacher... .and there was also an aide in the classroom full-time. It was a good experience.

We moved after that... and ended up having a year off to homeschool due to a different cut-off date for Kindy where we moved. I loved and treasured that year too.

This year, his brother is in the fabulous Montessori magnet school that DS1 never got in to. He ended up in the local, top-rated school, but I don't know if we'll continue with it next year. First grade moves to combined classes.... so 36 kids and two teachers. We're still waiting on the lottery... but we may be moving back to homeschooling.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that you can always give it a chance and then remove your child and homeschool if he doesn't like it. I didn't expect DS1 to like his public PreK... complete with the asphalt... but he did. We just did other things after school which fulfilled his love of nature. Nothing is set in stone.. you can always choose to leave mid-year... after a month...whatever. Your little one may surprise you.

[MommaMoo]

I would be happy to have DS in the public kindy if he wanted to do it. The problem is, he absolutely refuses to interact with other children. When we go to the playground, he refuses to leave my side, and will not climb on any of the equipment unless I accompany him. It doesn't matter how much I try to encourage him. He just screams and screams that he "Can't do it." He is so overwhelmingly clingy that I would be ECSTATIC if he could handle a school environment. It would be so good for the both of us. DS is high needs, and I fear the scene he would cause if I left him at a large school, surrounded by total strangers. We have visited both schools, and he really liked the charter school. If I had to work, or if it were otherwise essential that he start school, then I would take him to the public kindy if he didn't get into the charter.
Well I guess I was convinced about what route to take before even starting this thread! I do know that DS does need to be around other kids and learn socialization somewhere. So I'll have to figure something else out if he doesn't end up at the charter.

[umsami]

One thing you might want to try... regardless of where he gets in... is see if you can get some names/emails of Moms of kids who will be in your son's class next Fall. Then, perhaps you can arrange for some playdates over the summer. I know that with DS1's Pre-K, they had us come in the year before... I think in May... so there was an opportunity to exchange contact info, meet the teacher, see the classroom, etc. Having one kid that he knows can make all the difference.

[MommaMoo]

That's a good idea. It would probably really help DS to feel more comfortable.

[MJB]

We're trying to get my 7 yr. old into a magnet school for 2nd grade this fall, and if he doesn't get in we'll homeschool.
Another alternative to waiting a year for K is to homeschool for K and put him in 1st next year. We did that with my 7 yr. old and he's doing great in 1st this year even though he wasn't ready for K at 5. He's popular, gets good grades, and likes school. They don't have to go to K at 5 to go to 1st at 6!

[MommaMoo]

Originally Posted by MJB

We're trying to get my 7 yr. old into a magnet school for 2nd grade this fall, and if he doesn't get in we'll homeschool.
Another alternative to waiting a year for K is to homeschool for K and put him in 1st next year. We did that with my 7 yr. old and he's doing great in 1st this year even though he wasn't ready for K at 5. He's popular, gets good grades, and likes school. They don't have to go to K at 5 to go to 1st at 6!

That's an interesting idea. Did your DS have to take tests to determine if 1st grade would work, since he had been homeschooled?

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by MommaMoo

The problem is, he absolutely refuses to interact with other children. When we go to the playground, he refuses to leave my side, and will not climb on any of the equipment unless I accompany him. It doesn't matter how much I try to encourage him. He just screams and screams that he "Can't do it." He is so overwhelmingly clingy that I would be ECSTATIC if he could handle a school environment. It would be so good for the both of us.

I mean this very kindly, but it seems possible that your son has some sort of special need. I have a DD with high functioning autism.

What you are describing is extreme, even for a child with a stay at home parent. If you have good insurance, you might want to get the ball rolling for an evaluation. If not, you can contact the school in writing and request an eval and they have to provide one for free.

When a child has special needs and they are properly identified, the school is required by law to provide an appropriate education for the child. My DD really can't do regular school, so her school situation is tweaked so that it works for her and she is successful.

You son is young for k, but if you decide not to do K this year, I think that some sort of preschool would be really, really good for him.

[Tigerle]

I have to second the PP: your child's anxiety level sounds VERY high for a child that is turning 5 in July (I have a very sensitive, clingy child, too, and we've had our difficulties, but nowhere near this level).
There might be an anxiety disorder or a sensory processing disorder underlying this which might inhibit him even at the charter school you are hoping for. At some point, he'll HAVE to separate and interact.
I'd have him evaluated asap.

[MJB]

Originally Posted by MommaMoo

That's an interesting idea. Did your DS have to take tests to determine if 1st grade would work, since he had been homeschooled?

Nope, I just said "He's 6 and should go into 1st grade" and that's where they put him.
My younger son is starting K this fall at 4.5 so I obviously don't believe in keeping all kids home for K, but some just aren't ready for school at 5.

[MommaMoo]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I mean this very kindly, but it seems possible that your son has some sort of special need. I have a DD with high functioning autism.

What you are describing is extreme, even for a child with a stay at home parent. If you have good insurance, you might want to get the ball rolling for an evaluation. If not, you can contact the school in writing and request an eval and they have to provide one for free.

When a child has special needs and they are properly identified, the school is required by law to provide an appropriate education for the child. My DD really can't do regular school, so her school situation is tweaked so that it works for her and she is successful.

You son is young for k, but if you decide not to do K this year, I think that some sort of preschool would be really, really good for him.

Oh, that didn't offend me. I actually have Asperger's syndrome, and believe me, I've considered the possibility that DS may be on the spectrum. I took him in to be evaluated last year but the psychiatrist was not an expert. She thought DS was still too young to actually be diagnosed with anything, and there was a several month's wait for the actual eval. So it just ended there. DS has only played with other children once, when we were visiting with his cousins who live across the country. He got along with them very well and played like a normal kid. He also seems "normal" in other ways, so I am really, really hoping that his discomfort around other kids is just an offshoot of having an Aspie mom who is terribly socially awkward. I probably should try for that eval again, though.

Anyway, he didn't get into the charter school. I applied for another one and will find out on Friday if he got into that one.

[chfriend]

If you don't end up with a building school program that you like, you might want to start finding out what kind of programs are available for hs'd kinders in your area. Here, there are enrichment classes and coops that start up around age 5. There's also a big park day which has the same kids/parents week after week.

He can be making progress on those "plays well with other" skills with you close by. Then when you do find a building school program you like, he'll be more ready to launch.

Also, the public school may be a way to get an eval even if you aren't using them for classes.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by MommaMoo

Oh, that didn't offend me. I actually have Asperger's syndrome, and believe me, I've considered the possibility that DS may be on the spectrum. I took him in to be evaluated last year but the psychiatrist was not an expert. She thought DS was still too young to actually be diagnosed with anything, and there was a several month's wait for the actual eval.

It's really hard to say with such a young child. What you describe sounds like sensory issues to me, but sensory issues can exist without anything else going on. It's also possible that once he got used to a different environment, such as school or preschool, he'll like it.

It's taken years to figure out what is going on with my DD, and how extreme her issues are really depend on the whole situation. I sometimes wonder what adult life will be like for her, and whether she'll have kids and how that will go. In so many ways I think she'd make a GREAT mom, but she isn't social at all. None of us can be everything to our kids.

It really sounds like he could benefit from being around the same kids on a regular basis to give him a chance to work on those skills and see how it goes for him. If you decide not to put in him school this year, some classes through parks and rec or the Y or a preschool or something might be really great for him and give him a more gradual introduction into the wider world.

GOOD LUCK!

[TulsiLeaf]

I wonder if maybe your social awkwardness could be brushing off on him? I have an anxiety disorder and I know that when it's kind of rearing it's ugly head my daughter feeds off of it.

also, I wonder, if he has NEVER been away from you what about starting to have someone watch him for a few here and there? I am not saying just dump him somewhere for 4 hours, but 20 minutes here and there while you leave. Make play dates and then just dissapear for a little while. Just make sure that someone is there that you trust completely. You know?

Good luck. Have him evaluated and try to get him into something with other kids.

[MommaMoo]

Originally Posted by TulsiLeaf

I wonder if maybe your social awkwardness could be brushing off on him? I have an anxiety disorder and I know that when it's kind of rearing it's ugly head my daughter feeds off of it.

also, I wonder, if he has NEVER been away from you what about starting to have someone watch him for a few here and there? I am not saying just dump him somewhere for 4 hours, but 20 minutes here and there while you leave. Make play dates and then just dissapear for a little while. Just make sure that someone is there that you trust completely. You know?

Good luck. Have him evaluated and try to get him into something with other kids.

I've been planning to get DS used to being away from me more often, it's just hard to accomplish. Babysitters are so expensive and I don't know anyone else with kids. Unfortunately, I absolutely cannot approach random moms in the park and start discussions. I would sooner be able to fly to the moon. I'd like to get DS in a class that he finds interesting and can do without me, but it would take a whole lot of warm-up time.
DS didn't get into any charter schools, so I don't know what to do now.