DH still resisting the idea - Page 2

[Jaesun's Dad]

There's a few threads already going where men's take on "the locker room" is discussed.

As a man I find it almost impossible to imagine any other man seriously picturing their own childhood and imagining boys looking at each other's privates long enough to actually see anything and then actually commenting on what they see .. to wit: "Look, Johnny didn't have his penis cut up like mine ... ha ha ha!" and Johnny is the one that's gonna feel "bad"? ... or the "bonding with dad" thing. I've got lots of ways I've started bonding with my son. He likes it when I dance and sing, that's a good one. Sitting around with our pants down and saying "yep, son ... you had your foreskin cut off just like your dad ... ain't that great son! How about we celebrate our alterations with some ice cream!" ... no I really can't picture that either.

[eepster]

It sounds like your DH gets all the logic here, but is unable to reconcile it with his emotional reaction. I would stop trying to sway him with logic, since that isn't going to help him get past his disconnect and start working on this from a more gentle emotional POV.

A good plac to start is with the article Nightnurse posted. I know you want this all to be settled now, but realize your DH needs time to wrestle with his feelings. Just make it very clear that you will not consent then let him have some space to not feel pressured, or feel like he needs to defend circ.

[mntnmom]

Originally Posted by libranbutterfly

. He said he just didnt want to tell his 13 yr old that he looks different because mommy didnt want him to get circ'd, and that he would not take a 13 yr old for a circ if they wanted one, so it would be best to go ahead and do it

Make him look through the resource page of complications of circ. Ask him if he will tell his 13 yr old son he's different because his daddy insisted on an unnecessary cosmetic surgery.
It really does sound like this is about your husband's need to validate his own circ. His parents did what was considered best at the time. A lot of times the parents didn't even get the choice.
A whole generation of intact men let their sons be cut, and most of those sons did the same, not even realizing their dads were intact. As far as I know, none of them where traumatized. It sounds like your DH will come around, he just needs time and space to process it all.

[Claire and Boys]

Originally Posted by -Grace-

Legally parents have equal rights. A child is not more the mother's than the father's. What's disgustingly wrong is the idea that babies are property of mothers when the father is known. It takes two to make a baby.

I was thinking of other things as well. What about things like birth interventions? the pp said they asked her dh every time she refused something. That's just wrong.

They shouldn't do anything without both parents consent. If both do not consent to the circ, the default should be NOT doing it.

[Heidi74]

Originally Posted by Claire and Boys

I have no words but That's DISGUSTINGly wrong on so many levels. So if the father consented they'd just go against the mother's wishes on everything?

ITA. That is truly awful. Our boys were both born in my home country, where circ is pretty close to illegal. (Well, it's legal, but hospitals will not do it for nonmedical reasons, and there are only a few doctors at private clinics that will.) Since DH is circed (he is from the US) we researched the issue before DS1 was born and found out that if we wanted our son circed, both parents would have to meet with the doctor before the surgery, and they would need written consent from both parents in order to do the surgery. Furthermore, I think they said that one of us would need to be there during the surgery, they would use anesthesia, and it was only legal during the first few weeks of life. (I forget how long.)

This was before I researched the issue thoroughly. Once I did, we decided not to circ our son or any future children we might have.

[-Grace-]

Originally Posted by Claire and Boys

I was thinking of other things as well. What about things like birth interventions? the pp said they asked her dh every time she refused something. That's just wrong.

As far as the birth process, at that point it's still mom's body things are happening to.

I agree that they shouldn't have kept going to someone else. One parent says no to a non-emergency procedure, that should be it. If one parent objects, then the answer is no and should be respected. I read the previous replies as known-fathers shouldn't have a say in what happens.