Help! I've become a human pacifier in order for my LO to sleep

[INorth]

Hi there- I've never posted before because I can usually find a common problem from another post and see different opinions. But I'm at a loss. My 10 month old DD co-sleeps with us and she usually sleeps from 7 pm - 7 am. I nurse her to sleep for bed and naps but the problem is that when I put her down to sleep, she will only sleep for about 30 min-1 hr before she's crying and the only thing she wants is to pacify on me. So the 3 or so hours I have before I come to bed with her at night, I can't get any house work done because I'm in there trying to get her back to sleep the whole time.

I love co-sleeping with her but how can I get her to stay asleep when she goes down and not need me as a pacifier to stay asleep? Any suggestions from mommy's with this same problem?

TIA!

[texmati]

May not be the most popular choice around here, but we use an actual pacifier.

[INorth]

We've tried; she has never taken it.

[CanBoo]

Been there...

I know some mamas don't mind. But I do. So I do not let them nurse all night either...

We use pacifiers.
DD1 had paci until 8 months when she gave it up cold turkey.
DD2 is 10.5 months and still has one.

Both girls have gone through phases where they just want to keep nursing. I might get flamed for that here, but honestly, at that age I look at the clock first... Before 3 am, I don't tend to nurse them unless I know they are in a growth spurt, which is easy to tell from the quantity they are eating during the day.

I normally offer a sippy of water to dd2 if she wakes up early in the night (before 3am). Then I give her back her soother. She might complain a bit but normally decides to take it and go to sleep like that.

If she wakes up after 3 and before 5, then I do nurse her, but I make a point of making sure I stay awake to take my nipple out of her mouth as soon as she slows down. Then back to the soother.

And then if she wakes up after 5, well, I become the human pacifier, because by that time, she's well rested, ready to start the day and has way to much energy if I go through the boob removal process. So we just both drift in a half-sleep state. I'd rather not, but I like my bed too much to get up that early.

When she is sick, then I nurse as much as she wants since milk becomes her main source of food again. It always means a couple rough nights after she gets better because she wants to nurse all night again, but I am not ready to do it all the time, so we go through those rough nights, I hold her if she cries, offer water and the soother, etc and she normally decides to go back to sleep. And then she wakes up less and less until we are back to a good sleep within a few days.

I did similar with dd1, minus giving back the soother after she decided to stop using it. Sometimes DH had to take dd1 though, she has always liked to curl up under his arm. I guess it also helped that his body did not smell like sweet milk.

Have you tried offering water or to get your DH to snuggle her instead?

[Bendemolena]

My son is like that. He's 15 months now and it's a little better than when he was 10 months. You can't change your child's personality. She will outgrow the need to nurse, and will sleep better, eventually. I know that's not what you want to hear!

(Soapbox There's no such thing as a "human pacifier". One of the primary functions of breasts is to provide emotional comfort - nursing is not just about food. The reason pacifiers exist is to replace mothers - they are plastic nipples. That said, I would have used one too had my son taken it!

Recently, I've been able to avoid the constant nursing at night by just laying on my stomach. When he wakes up every 45-90 minutes, as always, he will whine a bit, stand up in bed, grab my back, flop around, roll sideways down my back, and then pass back out. I know he's actually hungry when the whining escalates and he doesn't get quiet after a minute or so, and then we nurse laying down and he rolls over and falls asleep. This only works if I lay on my stomach and make my breasts completely inaccessible. And it's only worked in the last 2 weeks.

I understand completely. I was just complaining about DS' crappy sleeping at a LLL meeting today, and the consensus there seemed to be that some kids are just bad sleepers (by which I mean they wake up a lot, don't need as much sleep as we'd like them to get, need a lot of parental attention/action to get back to sleep). And they always grow out of it. As I type this, I can hear him starting to stir on the monitor. He's only been asleep for an hour, and he's about to wake up.

Also, if she has only ever fallen asleep nursing, she may believe she needs it to sleep. If that's the condition with which she always falls asleep, then it makes sense that every time she wakes up as she enters the lighter stage of each sleep cycle, she feels alarmed because she's missing the condition she thinks she needs to sleep. You can help her learn that she doesn't NEED to nurse to sleep. Maybe do naps another way - car, stroller, carrier walk, etc. And spend a few nights trying to get her to sleep without nursing. We did that 2 weeks ago and it was hard for the first 2 nights, but now it's pretty easy. I'm not talking CIO. DH and I were both with DS, and I would nurse, but in a position that made it impossible for him to stay latched once he fell asleep. He would get frustrated, fuss, I would hold him, we did massage, singing, bouncing, dancing, music, told a story, etc. Everything. He was pissed off at the change in circumstances those first two nights, but he quickly got used to it, and now he falls asleep without nursing pretty easily. We nurse first, then I hold him and lay him down, he gets up, repeat 20 times until he stays, flails around and falls asleep.

Hang in there!

[Therese's Mommy]

Any possibility that there are some food allergies? My dd was a horrible sleeper until I got all her allergens out of my diet.

[NEastMomma]

Gosh - I feel your pain! You are describing my nights to a "t."

I'd written you a longer post telling you how similar our situations are, but got hit w/ a connection problem. And now I can't re-type as I've precious littel time before baby wakes up. But I get it, I really, really do.

My DS has no teeth yet at 8mos. I keep telling myself that things will be different after he gets a few teeth and/or his 1st bday, whichever comes first. I have no basis for this - its just a little fantasy that I daydream about.

Anyway, I'll enjoy reading more knowledgable posters' replies and will take heart and think of you tonight as I am awakened so that I can help baby back to sleep. At least cosleeping is easier than having to trudge out of nice warm bed though, right?

[INorth]

Originally Posted by Therese's Mommy

Any possibility that there are some food allergies? My dd was a horrible sleeper until I got all her allergens out of my diet.

How would I go about checking for food allergies? She is EBF and won't take solids.

[LindsC]

We have been going through a similiar thing. She will sometimes take a pacifier, but other times she wants nothing to do with it. We have found though that if she wakes up within an hour of me putting her down, if we have Dh go in and cuddle with her and offer the pacifier, that we have better luck with her getting back to sleep. If I had tried that same thing, it would never work, but she knows that daddy doesn't have the goods and he is home with her every Friday and that is how he gets her down for a nap, so she is comfortable with it.

[INorth]

Thanks so much! I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I will say she does fit the description of a "high need baby" (a la Dr. Sears). She was very colicky as an infant and still has colicky tendencies so I know it will either take a lot of patience or a lot of time to pass in order to get through it.

Tonight I was in there for an hour and she would cry immediately after I left, even when she seemed fast asleep. So DH had to take over and swaddle her and bounce her in the bouncer chair (that's the only other think that works). Sigh...

[Adasmommy]

This is meant to be encouraging but my first wouldn't sleep without me and getting things done just wasn't much of an option for a while. Which, at least, is a very good excuse for reading lots of good books. I haven't been able to do much reading since she outgrew the human pacifier stage!

She's now a wonderful, independent, sleeping in her own bed, 5 year old and her baby sister is asleep in the other room right now because she's a totally different baby. This time, I get to do all sorts of things after bedtime!

[Adasmommy]

Originally Posted by Bendemolena

(Soapbox There's no such thing as a "human pacifier". One of the primary functions of breasts is to provide emotional comfort - nursing is not just about food. The reason pacifiers exist is to replace mothers - they are plastic nipples. That said, I would have used one too had my son taken it!

Is there room on your soapbox for one more? This phrase really jumps out and bites me on the nose and the other day I read an article about Kangaroo Care that referred to mothers as "human incubators." Aren't incubators really mechanical mothers? We mothers must be really incredible, because they try to replicate us in SO many ways!

[texmati]

Originally Posted by INorth

We've tried; she has never taken it.

When DS was younger, we used to use our pinky finger.

I'd like to add, that i use the paci when DS has dropped off to sleep nursing. He like to continue doing light sucks, not enough to cause my milk to let down, but just for comfort, I guess.

[LuluMama8]

I understand exactly what you are talking about- both the nonstop waking when you're not there as well as the frustration.

My daughter is 10 months old and we've been having the same issue for the past couple months. We finally started taking action maybe a month or so ago and it just might be helping, although VERY slowly. When I put her to bed at night, I nurse her in a chair, and then before she's asleep but when she's done feeding and even after she's had some good comfort nursing, we lay in bed together and I don't let her nurse. She might struggle for several minutes, but I've found it helpful to swaddle her again and snuggle her very tightly and perhaps sing a lullaby if necessary. She falls asleep like this usually within 10 minutes and then I tuck a lovey in tight next to her where I have been (this lovey also nurses with us for the bedtime nurse) and sneak out. She always wakes up about 45 minutes later and then my husband goes up and lays down with her and sings to her if necessary. Sometimes it takes 45 minutes before she's settled enough that he can leave (she falls back asleep very quickly, but not deeply enough that he can leave). And then it might happen again in 30-60 minutes and that time usually only takes 15-20 minutes of snuggling. Recently we had a night where she didn't wake for 3 hrs from the time we put her down for bed so I'm hoping that is a sign that this is working. We also put up room darkening shades in our room which has helped a lot, particularly with the time change.

Maybe some of those things will help you. I would LOVE to hear if other people have suggestions. It is really helpful that we've worked towards my husband being able to comfort her in the evenings so that I can get some alone time to get things done, but it means he and I spend almost no time alone together which is really tough.

[Harmony08]

My son was like that from 6-10 months. Well I couldn't put him down at all. I just didn't do housework. I sat and held him and DH and I talked and watched TV. It is different now. I kinda miss those snuggly evenings.

Oh he won't take a pacifier either.