Baby between me and DH. Is this safe?

[Beauchamp]

Isn't the baby supposed to be between mama and the wall, or the sidecar? This is what we do at home normally, but now we're traveling and have a very high queen size bed. So to be safe(r), we are keeping DD between us. (By the way, it's HORRIBLE to go from our king size at home to a queen...I don't know how people do queen size beds with mobile, floppy, rough-sleeping babies!!)

My DH says he likes having her in the middle, and we may try this at home. But is it safe? At what point does it stop being a danger to have the baby near the father? I've heard that only mamas have the fine-tuned instinct to remember the baby is there.

Thoughts?

[Logan's mommy]

Once ds2 was able to roll over and whatnot on his own we started sleeping with him in the middle and have ever since. I see your dd is close to a year, I would think that in a queen size (which is what we've always had) that she should be okay.

[Katie T]

I say it also depends on how deep your DH sleeps. Mine sleeps way to deep and is totally not intuitive of babies in our bed. He has tried rolling over our 3 1/2 yo once.

If he seems to sense the baby I say you are fine.

[Goddess's mom]

Originally Posted by Beauchamp

I've heard that only mamas have the fine-tuned instinct to remember the baby is there.

Thoughts?

Personally I think that is a pile of nonsense. Our Daughter has slept between us since she came home from the hospital. I would rather have her in the middle than run the risk of there being a gap between the bed and the wall that she could roll into.

Don't underestimate a father's abilities and parenting instincts. Plus I think it is terribly sweet seeing them cuddled up together when she leaves my side to discover there are other snuggle opportunities.

[lifeguard]

I agree with Goddess' Mom.

We've slept with ds between us for most of his life.

[karika]

It completely depends on the other person and their sleeping habits. After a year old, I feel a child would let anyone that crowded them know for sure... xdh was always nervous about dd1 being too close to him but when she was between us (1/2 the night due to switching breasts) he did just fine, waking up whenever he needed to, just as I do. He always had his own cover (we had a queen too), no shared covers. His would be tucked in around him which helped him be defined in his area. I would also say the size of the other individual matters. If he is obese, it is probably not good to have baby too close to him. I agree the father is not as fine tuned, it is a biological truth, a distinction between the sexes- as a generalization. It is not true all of the time by any means, some fathers are as in tune as the mother, or possibly even moreso. But in general, the males are not responsible for the young in a primate group and we are primates. Our past is hardwired deeply in our being. We are the same now physiologically as we were when we lived in caves. I would say if your husband is obese, and or a very heavy sleeper, or drinks very heavily, make a pallet on the floor or sleep with the child on a couch (with large pillows lining the floor in front, just in case she slips off of you) while on vacation. Or, if you are going to be there awhile, perhaps you can take the mattress to the floor so you don't have to worry about it?

[lalemma]

We have a 5-month-old, and we go back and forth between him sleeping between us and him sleeping between me and the wall.

I am pretty skeptical of the idea that only mothers have the magic baby radar - I wonder if this pretty much originated with Dr. Sears?

If your husband intuitively feels comfortable with the baby between you, I would think it'd be okay. If he felt worried about it, maybe some caution would be warranted.

[Super~Single~Mama]

As long as neither of you are intoxicated I don't see a problem. DS slept between my ex and I until we split up. Ex always woke up to baby - I think more often than I did b/c I know when he's waking up vs just making a sleep noise.

[hakeber]

We sleep with the kids in the middle from birth, except I let the baby sleep the longest stretch in the basinette next to my side of the bed so she gets a longer sleep (both my kids have so far slept better with a little personal space because I am a very active sleeper in my deepest stretch.) and because DH is working like crazy right now and when he sleeps his longest stretch he sleeps HARD and has rolled onto her arm and leg and it scares me.
But once the early morning has come (4 am onwards) he is less deeply asleep and she sleeps between us.

Also on weekends I get up with ds and he and she snuggle up and sleep for another four hours or so...he is just as in tune with her, when has to be. I imagine, like with our son, that when I go back to work he will be the one leaping up at her every sound and snort.

I wouldn't necessarily leap to the conclusion that women are more in tune, but when you are nursing (at least for me) I get a physical let down pain when she is hungry sometimes before she even wakes up herself and it is sharp enough to wake me up.

[CherryBombMama]

my dh loves our 12mth old ds being in the middle - he loves the cuddling, the being in-tune with him during the night since he is away most of the day at work/traffic ... only once in a while my dh will be in a deep sleep and wont wake up for anything, but he no longer rolls over ... he sleeps as stiff as a rock just because he KNOWS baby is there. (and thats coming from a man who used to roll over ME before we had kids LOL! =D
)

[Jaesun's Dad]

I think co-sleeping safety really depends on the sleeping habits of both parents. Our son has been between us since the beginning. I slept for many years with a cat who cuddled with me so I'm quite used to sleeping with little living things. I don't toss and turn much. I snore, but so does my partner. I think that between us is the safest place for him. We use no top sheet and just have a comforter for each of us so that our bedding doesn't end up on top of him and we swaddle him and lie him on his back between us. Usually he nestles up a little to mom when she's in bed, or to me when I go to bed earlier with him and mommy's still up watching tv.

We're in a queen and we fit well. We're old and graying new parents but we have athletic builds (*****). I would worry much more about him falling between the cracks if we had the bed up against the wall than either of us rolling over on him.

Now that he's almost three months old and has put on good weight and is very strong I don't see him as being very fragile anymore. But while I did confess in another thread to sleeping through his 5am feedings now and then he really does sleep through the night mostly without a lot of fussing and definitely no tossing and turning yet (since he's still young and well swaddled).

[hakeber]

JD, I can't believe you just posted your wife's weight! I'd kill you if you were my husband!

[texmati]

My husband is not allowed to mention that I snore either.

Baby sleeps in the middle. People ask me about rolling over him, but it's kind of like falling off of the bed. I just *know* that the edge is there.

I'd use your best judgement. If your husband thrashes around or is a deep sleeper I'd be weary.

But as for the mother's instinct stuff... ITA with a pp. bunch of hooey.

[akind1]

when baby sleeps in bed with us (mostly he is in the cosleeper) I prefer him in the middle. I keep one hand on DH so I know where HE is, and then baby can have all the space between us. DH is fine knowing where baby is so long he KNOWS baby is in bed (like when I leave baby with him the mornings I go in the office) but if I bring DS in bed in the middle of the night, and DH is sound asleep, he has no clue that DS is there, and will roll on him if I don't keep one hand on DH. We don't have the bed against the wall (and really couldn't in our current set up) so if DS is not between us, I have to have a hand on him at all times to make sure he won't roll off into his cosleeper.

I think so long as your DH is aware of the baby, or you can be aware of your DH's position, the middle is fine.

[crunchy_mommy]

You know, I wonder too at what point is it really safe, our current arrangement (with my 14mo) is this:

Mattress on the floor, DS in the middle (sometimes, depending which side he's nursing on), pillow wedged between DH & DS, below DS's shoulder height, and DH sleeps with his head even with DS's body. So he can't roll on him because only his head is near DS's body, & the covers stay below DS's head, & if DH were to move too much, the pillow is kind of a 'warning' to him that he's getting too close. We only have a full bed (though we moved a crib mattress right next to it that DH ends up on a lot!!) and DH is a very heavy sleeper, he somehow manages to sleep through DS crying multiple times a night (DS doesn't wake up/stir without crying) and often thinks DS STTN!