Miss my "abusive" ex boyfriend

[PinkNFluffy]

I have been living at my parent's for the past two weeks and move into my own house on Thursday. I left my fiance because 1) he wasn't marrying me and 2) people on here said they thought he sounded very abusive. Now that I am alone I realize how depressed I was living in that situation!

He had been phoning me non stop these two weeks, walking into my Mom's house when it was unlocked and I was home alone with our son, leaving work to come see me, crying, telling me he was so sorry and I felt so bad for him. I was in the wrong because I started talking to another man on the phone when I was with him, the last month, and have seen this man a few times.

Last night, he wouldn't let me leave his house when I picked my son up. He blocked the door and wouldn't let me go, he kept holding me back. I got away and into my car but he jumped in and REFUSED to get out until I told him EVERYTHING. I just wanted him to let me go, so I told him everything even though I didn't want to yet, and he called me a tramp and said f*ck you and that was it. Then he told me when he was at my Mom's he stole from my jewelry box my diamond/gold rings he got me! How rude!

I just feel scared but I feel so FREE since being without him and he was SUFFOCATING me emotionaly but strangely... I don't know if I am doing the right thing. I am wrong for seeing someone so soon and not being honest with him but I was afraid, I don't want him to not see his son because of me. We were a FAMILY... I just don't think it was healthy for ANY of us. I hope I am making the right choice!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

You might have been a family, but you were a disfunctional family.

You are making the right choice, and his recent actions and PHYSICAL ABUSE should be proof of that.

He has aboslutly NO RIGHT to walk into your mothers house. If he ever tries it again, call the cops! THATS TRESSPASSING.

Stay strong mama. Dont let him beat you down, emotionally or otherwise. You feeling guilty is EXACTLY what he wants. Its a tactic to get you to come back. period. PART OF THE CYCLE. Ask anyone of the other much more knowledgable mamas with the Blue ribon in thier siggys.

[PinkNFluffy]

Thank you Barbie!!

[samy23]

Yes you did the right thing for sure! Do you want your child living in an abusive situation? Even if you feel you aren't worth any better than that, you must believe your child is. He/she deserves a much better environment than an abusive home, so do you. It is hard to leave though, I think most women in this situation have some feelings of wanting to go back to him, "should I? shouldn't I?" etc....just think about your child and that they deserve better.

[Halfasianmomma]

Change is always scary, especially with a clingy, abusive, manipulative ex around to make you doubt yourself. I would gently recommend that you not be alone to go pick up your son, to prevent a repeat of what you went through last time. Abusers generally don't want an audience to the abuse they dish out. I hope you are safe from this person (changed locks, restricted access to you and your child, etc), and that you are recording in a journal everything he does.

As for doing the right thing, I definitely agree with the PP. You got out. Yay for you!!

Now it's time for No Contact with this "man" (as in, no emails, no texts, no calls, no in person contact), except the strict minimum about visitation. After a while, his crap will just seem...boring to you.

[song_of_the_soule]

i am going to recommend a book to you. It is called "The Betrayal Bond. by Patrick Carnes.

http://www.enotalone.com/article/4291.html"

Are you familiar with trauma bonding or the stockholm effect



(This is my first attempt at inserting links, so i hope it does not come out as messy looking as it does to me right now.)

Please take care of your heart, never date too soon. Take care of that baby's heart, never allow him to see daddy acting all a fool like he was in the car. This is all so very important.

About this book, it is incredible. It is all about how we bond to people who are bad for us. I read almost the whole book and it sure helped me. I hope it helps you as well.

[*MamaJen*]

I read some of your old posts and it seems like it was an unhealthy relationship all around. It is really common to mourn the end of relationships, even ones with abusive elements. The Stockholm Syndrome link is really well established.
Have you considered counseling for yourself? That might be the best way to move yourself forward and help give your baby a good life.