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Any single Moms who choose to stay home or work part time?

post #1 of 36
Thread Starter 
Any single Moms here who choose not to work full time? I work three days a week. I know it would bring more money to work more but I don't want to put son in daycare full time (ex watches him for two of the days), sometimes I feel like I should be out there working now that I don't really have a husband to cook and clean for...
post #2 of 36
To tell you the truth, I am a single mom of soon to be five and I am at home fulltime. I do some correspondence work from home, so my youngest has part time daycare paid in full by the government. It is an incredible daycare too, all organic food, no plastic crap, no TV, there is a lot of hands on activities, a lot of earth learning. That is very much within my value system. It took a year for him to get into that particular center.

I use this time to try and keep up with housework and errand running, and to rest a bit. I have a large family, 2 of my children have disabilities, one worse than the other. So I really do not think i could pull off full time work AND care for a family properly. After this baby is born in june, i am going to stay home for as long as i am able. I hope at least 18 months, then i am going to go to work part time. After three years i will apply for a house through habitate for humanity. I very much want to own my own home, but cannot afford it otherwise.

Mothers have to make sacrifices, ESPECIALLY solo mothers. For me life is real hard, but it is less difficult than when i was with DH. His emotional instability made my childrens' lives hard and mine as well.

I think working part time is a great balance between work and home. I hope to do it myself as soon as I am able. I think when there is a good balance, it helps us to be more efficient caregiver/homemakers.
post #3 of 36
It is my hope and goal to continue to stay home. STBX left five weeks ago. We have three kids, 16, 14, and 8. The temporary support order should be enough to allow me to stay home if I am very careful. I homeschool two of our children. I have never gone to college, and I now qualify for the full pell grant, so I am planning on starting at the local community college in June, with my first classes being online. I may have to end up working part time, we will see. Right now, I take it a day at a time and hope and pray I am making the right decisions. I was offered a full time position at the Y for the summer, but I am not planning on taking it. My 8 yo could go, but my teens would be left to their own devices, which is just not ok with me.
post #4 of 36
It's been about 7 yrs and I've worked mostly from home. Occasionally, I've taken part time work out of the house somewhere I can take the kids with me. After school programs, bus driving, tutoring, a family friendly office, etc. The kids have been homeschooled from the start. They're getting to have busy enough schedules and social lives now that I'm considering taking a little part time something out of the house a few hours a week soon....but my prime responsibility is to be a mom. Everything else is second string. I may not have a hubby to cook and clean for, but just he walked out on his responsibilities doesn't mean I should. I'm not saying working moms are walking out on their responsibilities...but *I* would be if *I* chose that path. This is where I need to be, so as long as I can find a way to be here, this is where I'll be.
post #5 of 36
So what are these part time, at home or family friendly jobs then? Working full time would have some serious issues for my 3 boys and I, but I'm not having much luck finding a part time that will support us.
post #6 of 36
Wow! I so know I would be a better mom and my kids much happier if I could have continued to sah. We all miss it. Harder on the kids than the divorce.

I was fortunate enough to get a ft professional position which I find rewarding, but it is hard on my kiddos.

So, if you can do it, I think it is awesome if sah is right for you.

Where I live, even with my salary, I am only a few $ a year above qualifying for reduced priced lunches and childcare.

M
post #7 of 36
I sahm. I am so grateful that a way has been provided for me to do so. I wish all single mothers had this as a choice.
post #8 of 36
I was a sahm when my ex split. The reality is that I have to work full-time. Even with my ex paying child support. It simply isn't enough to pay for all of the necessities. And working part-time would not cut it, either.

Take a long hard look at your finances and determine how you are going to pay the bills. Because spousal support doesn't last forever and child support typically isn't enough to cover everything so that you can stay home.
post #9 of 36
I've been a sahm my entire single parenting journey (9 years). In that time I was totally sahm, then I did school online, I did part-time school and now I've created my own business and work out of my home.

I have been blessed in many other ways that helped make that possible. Before I was married, I made wise financial investments, we bought our first home right before the market really took off and when we sold, it was worth 5 times more than when we purchased, I had a significant amount of savings built up over the years, an ex-husband with a great job who has to pay a large amount of child support, I live in a country that has benefits for low-income families with children and incredibly supportive family and friends.
post #10 of 36
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post
I was a sahm when my ex split. The reality is that I have to work full-time. Even with my ex paying child support. It simply isn't enough to pay for all of the necessities. And working part-time would not cut it, either.

Take a long hard look at your finances and determine how you are going to pay the bills. Because spousal support doesn't last forever and child support typically isn't enough to cover everything so that you can stay home.
I actually do work, weekends and now one more day a week. I recieve no spousal or child support, my ex will be watching my son a lot.
post #11 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post
I've been a sahm my entire single parenting journey (9 years). In that time I was totally sahm, then I did school online, I did part-time school and now I've created my own business and work out of my home.

I have been blessed in many other ways that helped make that possible. Before I was married, I made wise financial investments, we bought our first home right before the market really took off and when we sold, it was worth 5 times more than when we purchased, I had a significant amount of savings built up over the years, an ex-husband with a great job who has to pay a large amount of child support, I live in a country that has benefits for low-income families with children and incredibly supportive family and friends.
Wow, it really sounds like you had/have your ducks in a row and a great attitude! I do not have the opportunities you do, but I can make better choices. I will never hook up with a man who does not have all his stuff together because he has "potential" again. I am not thinking about ever being with anyone, but if i am, i hope he is the cat's meow in every way. I am in the process of making some financial choices myself. I am going to go see a lawyer about being declared bankrupt. I owe about $100 000 in student loans, that is a whole big story in itself. where i am, you have to be out of school for 7 yrs to bankrupt them, i have been out for three, but went for 7, so i am going to see if i can get rid of the majority of the debt. As soon as i am working part time, i will go for child support. Right now, i am on welfare, and they take every cent of it anyway, so what is the point of me going through all that pain? I want to make investments too, but i need to learn more. I think you are wise and i am so glad you shared your success!
post #12 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post
I was a sahm when my ex split. The reality is that I have to work full-time. Even with my ex paying child support. It simply isn't enough to pay for all of the necessities. And working part-time would not cut it, either.

Take a long hard look at your finances and determine how you are going to pay the bills. Because spousal support doesn't last forever and child support typically isn't enough to cover everything so that you can stay home.
I don't get child or spousal support. I'm not independently wealthy either. I have to watch my budget. I also have assistance with housing by a Sec8 voucher and my income is basically kinda an injury lawsuit settlement thing. It's a unique situation not available to everyone. And while it sucked to experience what I did all those years ago, I am glad I did because it's finally changed my life for good.
post #13 of 36
i am a sahm...mostly. i started PT school last semester and qualify for the full pell grant of which i recieve about 2/3 of it back in cash which i use to buy clothes, repairs on the car, subsidized daycare, school supplies, xmas and bday stuff. with what i am SUPPOSED to get in spousal support and child support i picked a place that i could afford our basics; rent included all utilities, food stamps covers all our food plus car insurance, gas, cell and high speed internet. although spousal support does end i'll be asking to get it for at least long enough for dd to be in K or long enough for me to get a degree...not sure which. but on the same token although my ex is not wanting to pay anything he is military and he can't really escape from paying so i feel more secure going about my life this way. there is no way that i could work right now and come out even remotly even. 3 kids in daycare would cost what i would make in any job that i would qualify for...let alone find. our sec 8 housing is closed to new applicants for years. i am in school this semester as well pt and will probably go back full time or almost full time next semester and there after. i also plan to aim my degree at something that i ENJOY and not just fast track me into a salary so i am not him hawing around trying to juggle 3 kids and home while being depressed about my work...
post #14 of 36
i don't know that i made a completley voluntary choice but i've been home since the birth of my youngest child who is 2. The cost of daycare for 3 children would amt to more than I would take home each week given my status as a high school graduate with no further education and no long-term employment history. So financially it makes no sense to work. That decision was sort of made for me. We are blessed that the child support covers the necessities most of the time if we are exceptionally frugal. And we get by. I enjoyed working 20-30hours a week and I look forward to getting back to work when my middle child goes off to kindergarten in the fall. After school for 2 plus one in full time care is a LOT cheaper so work may be a viable option finally(especially if the head start will be flexible about their age cut-off date for admittance(littlest misses it by 6 days this year) ). So for now and the next 6 months, I am home. I am getting to see my kids grow up and be there to put them on and take them off the bus and make them healthy meals every night and take them on long slow walks and basically give them my undivided attention. It's not always a choice I'm comfortable with given our financial situation(ugh, the guilt) but I know there are tons of moms out there, single and not, who would love to be able to stay home so I feel blessed.
post #15 of 36
I stay home fulltime and homeschool my kids. Because I am in Canada I get a monthly child tax bonus, all parents get this based on income to help with the cost of raising kids. I get the max, plus because I have 2 with confirmed special needs I get an additional amount for that. Plus I get child support for the oldest 2 from my ex husband. I have enough to cover the bills, buy school books(which incidently being in Alberta I am given money by the school board to do that too), and get take out on occasion. We move next week into our first owned home out of subsidized housing, it has taken 8 years but I finally have enough to do this. I will be able to own the home and STILL stay home f/t.

Over the last 9 years of my separation I have worked f/t, worked p/t, gone back to school, worked jobs I could take the kids to with me etc. It has only been in the last 2.5years I have been able to stay home f/t, I had a year paid mat leave after my youngest was born and then my ex finally started paying child support.

I may start doing home child care after we are settled in our new home just to boost my budget a little bit to pay off the house faster, save for repairs etc. BUt I do not have to if I continue to be careful with my budget.
post #16 of 36
This is an issue I'm struggling with. My ex moved out in January and has been inconsistent with meager support--I do not see myself being able to count on regular money from him. I teach online classes at a community college and rely on foodstamps and family generosity to barely get by, but this will not work for the long term. Full time childcare here starts at $600 (for the "bottom of the barrel"), and the voucher system is crazy: if I were to find a full time job I'd have to pay for the care I can clearly demonstrate I cannot afford for months until I make it through the waiting list. I need at least 3 paychecks to get on the wait list to start with--what am I supposed to do with my son in the meantime?

This is my main stumbling block, but there's also the fact that I have no desire to be apart from DS as much as I would need to be with full time work; in fact, getting to spend time with him only every other weekend (outside rushing off in the morning and then home for quick dinner & bed) would just kill me. I'd like to have a more sustainable life, but I'm willing to be poor if that's what it takes to have the time I need with my boy. Not to mention what he needs from me, being three and coping with the break-up of his family. Barely seeing mom would NOT be good.
post #17 of 36
I am lucky enough to be a SAHM and have just taken the decision to continue this until my DS (aged 3.5) starts school next year by managing my budget and moving to a cheaper area, 1 bedroom etc

As I only have 1 child I hate that people (my ex mainly!!) think I am lazy and some of my working friends cant understand how I can give up nights out, vacations etc but so far its worth it although I realise in the long term it will probably get to be hard (respect to all the SAHMs managing lots of kids on a small budget for a very long time)

DS has had a really hard time coping with the seperation so I want to be here for him and I figure work can wait for another couple of years
xx
post #18 of 36
I have been blessed to be home with my daughter since she was born, which I could not have done this without the help of my family.

I have not used my time at home exclusively as a SAHM. It was important to me to use the flexibility I had while home to build the foundation for a career that would allow my daughter and I financial stability and allow me to have a non-traditional work schedule for the long haul.

I have been attending school part-time with the intention of going into teaching & have established a professional writing career. Right now the writing is supporting us and once I complete my degree hopefully teaching will support us.

I think it's important to note many parents nowadays elect to work non-traditional hours, less stressful positions, etc. for the trade off of better work-life balance. In teaching (which I am interning in now) I have decided to work in private schools vs. public where I can make more money - this choice will allow me to be more present with my own family when I leave work and be less stressed overall even if it means less pay.

We all make hard choices and in general I think the work place in America is shifting and as time progresses we will see more jobs with flexible scheduling options which will open a whole to world for working parents. In the meantime it is on us to sell employers on non-traditonal options that work for us.

I have never loved the idea of being on some fixed 40 hour a week schedule / 12 months a year and now that I am a parent I have even more excuse to not want to work that sort of schedule.
post #19 of 36
first is knowing yourself. what is it you really want. being open to possibilites.

i was lucky that life worked out for me. i was sahm and WOhm full time and now part time.

the thing that worked for me was that till dd was 3 i could have managed being a sahm. But i know i oculd NOT have managed that after a certain age. i just dont have the personality to be a good sahm. so i got to be home with dd for 3 of her first 5 years. the two years i worked full time. and since she turned 5 i worked part time and now go to school so have more flexibility.

my time with my dd was very important to me. the first 3 years i would look at all avenues to be a sahm. today as dd is older having the kind of personality she does a little time away actually helps us. however i would have loved to have homeschooled her which her dad wont allow. she has the perfect personality to be homeschooled.
post #20 of 36
If anyone asks, I tell them I'm a stay-at-home mom. I am attending school parttime and am out of the home 12 hours per week; she is in childcare four mornings per week.

As far as income, about %50 is through student loan/grants, the rest is child support and those random government cheques that you get every month (in Canada). Financially, there is not much breathing room. My program is a short two years and then I will be working from home (although I will be working from home far sooner than that!!).

Had her dad chosen not to pay child support, I imagine I'd either be working PT out of the home (ugh), or attending school PT while living with family. Fortunately, her dad has turned out to be a very involved father and takes her far more than I had ever imagined. We all benefit from it and I get to complete all my homework when she's away.

Life is a constant struggle. It's difficult having to depend on others for income as you never know when something's not going to show up! I'm out $1000 this month as I transferred schools and my student loan was interrupted... What can I say, you just get very, very crafty in coming up with $$$

I look forward to the day --one year from now-- when I can be a fulltime SAHM and fully self-sufficient, ahhh...

PinkNFluffy - Your arrangement sounds like it works for you. Society has a lot of expectations on people, no matter what their role. If you're happy with your situation, then there's no need to work more. Just keep on keeping on If and when it doesn't work for you anymore, then you can tweak your life accordingly.
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