need a crash course in frugality! shopping is a problem!

[stellarae]

i have a big problem.
my debit card.
my paypal account
(cloth diapers. haha)

(this is gonna be long, so please bear with me)

ive NEVER been a big spender, but lately ive been spending A LOT. and we dont have a lot. its been a lot of retail therapy. stress relief, if dh does something that irks me, being sad.... its not good.

aside from my recent indiscretions, i just need help in general. there is absolutely NO reason anyone should spend 200+ per week at the grocery store, right? i mean, it sounds ridiculous to me!

we have three car payments (one we owe only a couple hundred on and we dont even have it anymore) tons of medical bills, a student loan, our rent just jumped $400/mo, and i am really wanting to get ds into a preschool program that costs just over $200 a month. oh, and of course all our other bills (cell, comcast, electric, etc.)

we make decent money. i mean, we have to to be living like this.... but i dont want to blow it all on useless crap. plus i know its all going to catch up to us very soon... and i want to be able to save as much as possible. i have *tried* so many times to do the coupon thing, but it never seems to work out for me. i dont want to be eating hamburger helper, you know? thats all i ever seem to find coupons for... super processed crap that costs too much to begin with.

so... crash course for me? kick my ass and send me in the right direction please!!!! i know i need help, and i need someone who is willing to be like a parent to me- explaining it step by step, getting onto me when i do something wrong, but understanding that im too stubborn for my own good, and that im going to need some help breaking these habits.

how the crap do people eat on like, $50/week? the only thing we really *need* in the fridge is soymilk. dh has to be able to take a lunch to work and i have two kids (1 and 4) to feed during the day. and we want to eat whole foods, veggies, fruits..... i dont even see how eating cheaply is possible. am i missing something? (ok, and we like to eat out sometimes, too, but its not necessary. but basically i dont want to give the impression that im some perfect eater. im not. we likey the junk food... just trying to cut it out)

help? tia!!!

[ktgrok]

The first step is to shop based on what is on sale. Check the flyer (ours in online) and make up a meal plan before you go to the store. Do this when the kids are asleep

That alone will save a lot. Of course, some things are staples, like pasta, rice, beans, flour, etc...but those are pretty cheap anyway. Things that you use a lot, but are on sale, buy twice as much. (because you are a bit compulsive with buying I wouldn't buy more than that right now).This will build up your pantry a bit. Look for more frugal meals like bean soup, beans and rice, pasta based meals, fritattas, pancakes and sausage, etc.

[cristeen]

Honestly, the first thing I recommend you do in that situation is to get yourself a little notepad that fits in your purse. Every time you spend so much as a dime, write it down. Your DP needs to do this also (as does anyone else in the family that spends your money). In the case of something like groceries, stick the itemized receipt in your notebook so you can see exactly what you bought. Also keep track of any food you threw away during that time period. Do this religiously for a week (or 2). Then the both of you sit down with your notebooks and look at exactly where your money is going. Once you can analyze your spending habits, it's much easier to see exactly what needs to be changed. For me, I discovered I was throwing away about $20 worth of fresh produce each week, and was spending too much eating out, just for starters.

Then I'd also discuss your long term goals with your DP - do you want to be saving for the kids' college? Do you have retirement accounts? That kind of thing.

And then I'd recommend writing up a budget. If you need help figuring out how to cut spending in particular areas, the ladies here are great with that. But you need a plan. A budget not only shows you where your money goes, but it allows you to see what areas can be trimmed, what areas you're not spending enough, etc.

But I will say that $200/week in groceries may be awful, or it may not - it depends completely on what you're buying, how you eat, how much you're throwing away, where you live, size of your family, etc. I live in a high COL area, we eat completely organic, pastured, local, etc., and I can easily spend $200/week on groceries (I try not to though).

[geekgolightly]

stellarae,

I am in the same position as you right now. I am trying desperately to figure out how to best curb our spending. My grocery bill is also 200 a week (I've been monitoring for about two months now on a spreadsheet I found in google documents) and we also eat fresh fruits and veggies, and good meats and seafood, nice cheese etc. We only do perimeter shopping, not boxed meals anymore and that has made our bill go up.

Today when shopping, I was able to get out of there under 135$, by buying bagged apples instead of the more expensive ones (still gala and fugi, ones we like), only buying veggies that are going to be used in specific meals, and buying the fruits that are in season and therefore cheaper (we got a bag of clementine cuties for 3 bucks!).

No fancy cheese this trip. Only some cheese that was on sale. I sill indulged in olvies at the olive bar, though.

For meats, I bought the sale item, which was chuck roast. The pork loin was cheaper per pound, but I've never made pork loin. I'm going to make a pot roast, and some bbq in the crock pot this week. I also still had some frozen tilapia at home, so instead of buying salmon and shrimp and ignoring that tilapia in the freezer, I decided I would actually use what I have.

I also refused to buy any impulse purchases (other than one easter sale item for 79 cents) and only stick with meals i have already decided upon. Meals I know I have the time to make. I considered my schedule beforehand, as well and was realistic about how much time I can spend in the kitchen.

I also throw away too much fresh produce and want for this habit to end.

[Smokering]

Our grocery bills were ridiculous too. I love to cook, and was being a bit artiste-y and "don't hamper my Calling with sub-par ingredients, proles!". But DH has just quit his job and started working from home, soooo... food budget.

My changes:
-No more olives, no more fancy cheese. Some weeks, no cheese at all.
-Beans are in the crockpot right now for dinner. DH doesn't like legumes as a rule, but he had to deal or start making oodles of money.
-Buy cheap meat. At my butcher's I just walk around the whole store looking for the big bright "SALE" and "REDUCED" stickers. Lots of chuck steak and gravy beef. OK, I don't buy the very cheapest fish (hoki or cream fish) because I don't like it, but I buy the next cheapest - red cod or trevally, round here. I also buy chicken frames to make chicken stock, which is not only nutritious but makes vegetarian meals taste more "meaty" and substantial.
-We've temporarily stopped buying disposable nappies. We cloth diaper, but used sposies for nights and when we were going out. It was expensive though, because we bought the eco-supposedly-biodegradable brand; and DH tended to use them when he didn't really have to, 'cause he's lazy and will rot in hell. So now we're surviving on cloth only, but I've gotta say it's a pain, especially because we don't have a dryer! We're hoping DD will want to PL very soon...
-I did make some compromises in terms of eco-products. I still buy free-rang eggs, but I did get the cheapest dishwasher powder last time instead of the fancy eco-friendly stuff. You gotta do what you gotta do.
-I used to grab frequently-used items, like cans of tomatoes, every time I was in the shop. Now I only do that if they're on sale.
-I meal plan and shop based on that. I don't plan out every single veggie we'll have with each meal, but I'm getting better at gauging how many we'll eat in a week.
-I've changed the way I bake and make desserts. We were really into homemade ice cream for a while, but at five egg yolks and two cups of a cream a pop plus vanilla beans or raspberries or (for DH's favourite kind) two blocks of chocolate... so not happening. I now make gelato, which just uses milk, or sorbet or granita. Similarly, I don't choose to bake the slice with the wine biscuits, sweetened condensed milk and chocolate chips anymore, you know? I make meringues or scones.
-No drinks. We were spending a lot on ginger beer for me, cider for DH and real grape juice for DD and making jelly.

I can't say it thrills me - in fact, sometimes I feel a consuming urge to run into the supermarket and buy fancy salami, smoked havarti, basil pesto, bagel crisps and sparkling grape juice for dinner. And I start thinking "Well, compared to a RESTAURANT it's still cheap!". It is, but we still don't have the money. So we deal. We still eat yummy food.

[Ianthe]

For food: I buy on sale and stock up when they are on sale.. I always check out the clearance bins! A few times a year the grocery stores have case lot sales: .50¢ for canned beans and veggies and $9.00 for 20 lbs of rice! I always shop the caselot sales.. they last a long time and $200 goes a LONG way that way.

We set a budget for eating out. Currently this is taken out of our personal spending money. We get a certain amount of money each paycheck to spend as we please and use that for eating out of that's how we want to spend it. It really cut out a lot of eating out when we did it that way. I also buy a case of Clif Bars to keep in my car for when I get hungry while running errands.

That should cut the budget a little bit.. I can spend $300 a month to feed our family of four. When I spend more than that it is stocking up on sales or caselots on staples that we use a lot.

Oh.. and I buy produce a couple times a week instead of stocking up on that, to eliminate waste.

Sit down with all your monthly expenses and bills and make a plan.. stick to it! If you have extra, put some in savings AND try to pay down some others as quickly as possible. If you are $500 in the positive every month, after spending money allowance and your bills, put half in savings and the other half towards paying something off sooner. The sooner you have things paid off the more money you will be bringing in later!

Find out what bills are unnecessary: Cable TV with 300 channels? Drop the cable to the basic package and read more books (or watch PBS)! 2 cell phones and a landline? Drop the landline or one of the cell phones.

Try to be more mindful of your electricity usage.. turn off lights, unplug things your aren't using, line dry your clothes, etc.. You'd be surprised how much you can save here.

Try to be mindful of fuel usage.. can you run all your errands in one day instead of taking lots of trips throughout the week? Can you walk to the grocery store? To the park? Can DH carpool to work with a coworker and split gas, or take public transportation?

Just some thoughts... hope that helps!

[Alyantavid]

Shop the sales. I stock way up on things that we use when they go on sale. Then meal plan from what I have in the house. And then make a list. I organize my list by how the store is arranged. That way I'm not wandering around seeing lots of other things I "need".

We also raise our own meat, but if you can buy meat in bulk, it will be cheaper.

I rarely use coupons because I don't buy most of the prepackaged stuff that they have coupons for. But when I can use them, I do.

I spend under $100 a week, but I live in a low col area. I garden and freeze/can whatever produce I can. I also swap with friends who garden. At the store, I buy what produce is on sale (what's in season). Right now, apples are cheap and my kids love them so I buy alot of apples. And cabbage, since it's really cheap and dh and I love it.

I only ever use my debit card for groceries and to pull some cash out once a week. Otherwise I don't use it. I tend to avoid stores until I actual need something and then I try to wait until I need several things so I can make one trip.

As for the other stuff, cut what you don't need. We don't even have cable, we watch the 4 stations we get for free or we watch movies. It cuts down alot on the tv watching too, which is good.

[GuildJenn]

I second the meal planning around sales. Having a beans and rice night (or a few) helps too.

But really for us the biggest solution is: Don't shop. I mean yes, we have to buy groceries. But we don't shop for recreation and we don't browse at the grocery store too much. Get in, get what's on the list, get out, do something else for stress relief.

[doubledutch]

make a budget. start with the things you know the monthly cost of, like rent, utilities, car payments, insurance, other loan payments. then put down your best estimate for other categories (groceries, gas, entertainment, clothing). since you use your debit card, it should be easy to get a good number. just look at the past few months' bank statements, which you should be able to do online if you don't have the paper statements.

then figure out how much "extra" money you have left at the end of the month (or how much you would have if you stopped the retail therapy). figure out how long it would take you to knock out that third car payment, or what kinds of adjustments you'd have to make to afford that preschool program, etc. once you have some clear financial goals, it's a lot easier to not blow cash on something stupid. that being said, it's really nice to have a little (pre-determined dollar amount!) cash to do whatever you want with, guilt free.

post your budget here and people will help walk you through it. i think that is the first step. i don't see how you can really address being more frugal without even knowing where your money is going or where you want it to go.

[kerc]

stop buying. everything. for a month.

ok buy groceries.

But seriously -- tell yourself you are taking april 15-may 15 off from any extra purchases.




Also on cutting groceries -- spend cash. If you start with 200 bucks a trip take 190 out of the bank in cash and go shopping. Save whatever you have leftover.

next trip: 180. and so on.


My family *can* live on 55 dollar a week groceries but it's a pretty crap-tastic existence. We budget 100-125 dollars a week and our quality of life is WAY WAY higher. WHen I want to be spending more like 100 bucks then I do the cash-only thing. When I can spend 125 I send my dh.

[dancebaraka]

Since you have mentioned that you shop when under stress, I would recommend finding a different way to deal with your stress. It sounds like you feel the shop-therapy is just masking the stress temporarily & setting you up for more serious stress. My 2 pennies: put yourself on a spending fast & invest some money on YOU through counseling... there will be tons of great ideas to save money on this board, so I won't add to that right here, but just would send out the thought that there is support out there for you... real support that help you make not just the economic changes but the emotional ones as well... interview all kinds of counselors so that you can find one that really will help you create your best life.

You can heal this Mama! I applaud your reaching out for help!

[nola79]

I had/have the same problem. I spend about $165/week on groceries and household items. Which it too much, I think. I can meal plan just fine, and not spend so much, but my problem is impulse buys. Sounds like a good idea to take a notebook with me and write down everything I buy.
Another reason I shop is boredom, to get out of the house. I've been going on walks (the weather is nice here right now) and that helps with that. I'll be reading this thread for ideas. Good Luck!

[mommyto4grits]

Been in this situation, and well..still there #1 stop spending on anything not necessary #2 track all expenses for at least 30 days Do a Meal Plan, weekly, monthly whatever works for you, will save time and money. The Grocery Game is a great website along with e-mealz.com

We are a family of 6 and eat a lot of fruit and veggies, not too much meat, rarely junk food or soda and spend about $175 a week. About half the produce is organic. We are in the Southeast US. It is a lot, but if we are not eating out, and we are eating healthy, then I am fine with this amount.

[xmysticprincessx]

We love Aldi's soymilk! Its $2.39 a half gallon and available in original, vanilla, and chocolate. (No "fancy" flavors like light, very vanilla, etc.) Its also organic. Other than finding Silk on sale and having a coupon, this is the cheapest every day price that I've seen on soymilk.

[cappuccinosmom]

Well, first of all, I think going from $200 to $50/week would be a very long, extended process of learning. So set your goal more reasonably. Start with trying to save $50/week when you go shopping. If you master that, try saving another $50.

Our living situation changed, and what we're doing now is a special circumstance. But before that, I was spending $350-$400/mo on good food for a family of 5. I managed the $200/mo for a year or two, but that was before prices nearly doubled and we were eating garbage food.

I rarely use coupons.

Instead, I shop around. I got a good idea of what place generally has the best prices for certain items. We had a local food co-op with lots of organics. I'd go there once a month to stock up on things like brown rice, oats, and other bulk items. But I didn't buy anything else there because the packaged and smaller items were very expensive. I also checked BigLots about once a month, because they often had good food at bottom prices. My latest find was Santa Cruz organic apple juice for $1/bottle, and V8 splash for $1.50. Then I'd go to Aldis for the main part of my shopping every week, for milk, eggs, yogurt, produce, meats, etc. Our Aldis, at least, generally had very decent produce. If there was anything else I'd particularly need, I'd watch the sales flyer for a locally owned grocery chain, as they'd have occasional great deals--I'd wait for a good one, and then stock up on that item for hte future. It sounds complicated but it became a workable routine. It was a lot easier for me than coupons.

The other side of that is that I made a weekly menu list (flexible, just a list of 7 meals for supper) so that I knew what I needed to buy, and didn't buy what we didn't need, and didn't forget stuff and have to go back to the store. That cut down on a lot of impulse shopping.

[RunningMomTegan]

Most of the PP have dealt with groceries, and their advice is sound. You have a long journey ahead of you on that! I spend $70 a week for a pregnant woman, hungry man and 2YO DS who eats like a man. I pick and choose what to spend on. Organic dairy, organic "dirty dozen", etc. But I stockpile like a madwoman. I will not buy Kashi Go Lean Crunch, for example, for more than $2 a box, when it's usually $3.50. I also use bacon instead of proscuitto... I'll indulge in the good stuff again when I'm not trying to be a SAHM

I have questions about the other expenses... the cars, specifically....

Would you feel comfortable breaking it down by the numbers? Even if you don't end up putting it online here, the best exercise for you to see "where the money goes" is to write it down. It might take you a month to see all the bills come in!

I spent about three months ripping my budget and expenses apart to figure out how we would afford for me to stay home. I'm still working on my master budget sheet. But by the time I stop working in August, we'll have zero student loans, no car payments, $35,000 in emergency savings, and $20,000 starter cash in a 529 for our two kids. Our budget has $1200 in "savings and wiggle room" a month even AFTER donating 10% and investing 27% for retirement. On $65,000 gross annually.

YOU CAN DO IT! But be prepared to do the hard work of figuring out where the money goes...

[greenmom4]

I got sucked into the diaper hyena thing with my 2nd baby and it was scary (I actually think I was a bit depressed now that I look back on it). I completely understand the paypal/diaper thing but with my youngest ds I bought 2 doz prefolds, 5 covers and that's it. I stayed off diaperswappers, stayed off diaper hyena and was much the better for it - and it was about the time when goodmama was getting started and I would have been SO susceptible to the hype. They are just diapers, in the end.

As far as the groceries go, I'm working on that myself. The "envelope" system has worked well for us for groceries and gas. I also have paid more attention to the amount of food waste we had - I was overbuying and I HATE wasting food. My h and I both work full time so every week we have one crockpot meal, one vegetarian meal, one soup night, one sandwich night and one "fend for yourself day." I make fancier meals on the weekends. I use the fliers when I shop/meal plan. And I agree with the pp, start by cutting down $50 a week and see how it feels and then try to cut out some more if you can. If you have any food co-ops, see if you can get produce through them, I get amazing deals through our local coop on produce and natural foods. As far as the junk food goes, I will get my kids pretzels or crackers or string cheese for their lunches. Sometimes I'll get them a box of cereal. But when it's gone, it's gone and they don't get any more until the next week.

It's an adjustment, but it's not too painful - you can do it!

[mnnice]

Originally Posted by dancebaraka

Since you have mentioned that you shop when under stress, I would recommend finding a different way to deal with your stress. It sounds like you feel the shop-therapy is just masking the stress temporarily & setting you up for more serious stress. My 2 pennies: put yourself on a spending fast & invest some money on YOU through counseling... there will be tons of great ideas to save money on this board, so I won't add to that right here, but just would send out the thought that there is support out there for you... real support that help you make not just the economic changes but the emotional ones as well... interview all kinds of counselors so that you can find one that really will help you create your best life.

You can heal this Mama! I applaud your reaching out for help!

I also think learning some subsitute behaviors can be helpful. I used to end up at the grocery store buying food not because I we really needed anything, but because I needed a child free moment to myself (DH doesn't like to shop and so he would alway be fine with me going). I have slowly been getting better at finding free or cheap ways to unwind (going for a walk, taking a book or knitting project to my favorite park (when it's warm or the coffee shop when the weather is less nice), calling a friend or family member, talking the rest of my crew into leaving the house and taking a bath.

[mommathea]

It's been 6yrs for us since our wake up call. We were used to going to the grocery store and picking up whatever we felt like eating, and never even looking at the bill, just swiping the debit card and going on.
Or going to the box store and picking out what we thought we needed or wanted to have.

Then came the day that we realized that dh was out of a job and started working 2 jobs to stay afloat.

Since I was the one who did most of the shopping I got my hands on any info I could on living frugally, thrifty, and on a budget. and read, and read, and read.

Now we are a family of 6 and spend 300 a month on food, and 120 on what we consider misc. expenses. We also budget 50 a month for 'entertainment' out to eat, mini-golf ect. Once the money is gone it is gone.

For eating I learned to make a meal plan.
Look at adds, make my menu based on what is on sale. While we love fresh veggies as much as the next, we learned that frozen veggies are the next best thing and in some foods better, and when I found that I could get a lb of frozen veggies for .60-.99 I would stock up. Right now I have about 20 1lb bags of frozen veggies in the freezer.
We still buy salad veggies (dh and I eat salad almost every day) but we don't buy the bagged stuff. We buy by the head which is much cheeper. Buy the cabbage and make slaw.
We only buy the fruit that is on sale. This week it was grapes, and oranges. Last week it was strawberries and apples. Sometimes we have to buy the brand of apples that we don't care for but it is still as nourishing for our bodies as the preferred type, and we know that next week our favorite brand may be on sale.

When meat is on sale we stock up. We did buy a side of beef last year that we are still eating on. Because we had a friend who was looking for people to buy a share in some of his grass fed cattle we were able get the beef for $2lb including the processing fee.
Then when chicken goes on sale we stock up on it. It may mean that it is the only meat we buy this week, but the next week pork could be on sale. Once you get your bulk surplus going, you will have a nice variety to choose from.

For instance. This past week, sausage $1lb, chicken breast 1.19lb, and ground turkey$1 were on sale. (We eat conventional meat right now beside beef) We live in the midwest so prices are pretty cheep, but we bought 10lbs of sausage, bought 8 trays of chicken and 9 tubes of turkey. all for under $30.

Another huge wake up call was how much food we were throwing away. Scraping plates, tossing leftovers that had been in the fridge to long, ect. We were complaining about not having a lot of money for food, then throwing out the food we did have.

[frugalmum]

Originally Posted by stellarae

how the crap do people eat on like, $50/week? the only thing we really *need* in the fridge is soymilk. dh has to be able to take a lunch to work and i have two kids (1 and 4) to feed during the day. and we want to eat whole foods, veggies, fruits.....

I live in a high COL area & spent $200-250 a week to feed 8 people. This is a huge budget by frugal standards but we eat well/ healthy. I do not buy organic though. I buy "green" cleaning products only if they are the same price as mainstream. I do 90% of the cooking myself and we get takeout once a month and do not actually go out to restaurants.

Generally at the grocery store by list looks something like this... [my kids are VERY picky so I do buy some "junk" -- but I eat mostly whole vegan, husband eats mostly lacto vegetarian]

paper products/ storage
cleaning products
oil/ cooking spray
diapers/ baby care
bananas
carrots
celery
romaine lettuce
eggplant
broccoli
onions
apples
grapes
potatoes
garlic
whole wheat bread (from bakery and on shelf)
peanut butter
pancake mix
rotisserie chicken
cheerios
oatmeal
crackers
cookies
chicken nuggets
canned tomatoes
rice
quinoa
dried beans
chick pea flour
tomato soup concentrate (I use it as tomato sauce)
flour
sugar
cake/ brownie mix
chocolate chips
frozen veggies, mostly broccoli and spinach (I eat tons of frozen veggies, they are still nutritious)
milk
butter
tub of plain yogurt
eggs
orange juice
mozzarella cheese (I make pizza for the kids 3-4 times a week)
cheddar cheese
parmesan
cream cheese
maple syrup

+++++

From all this I make endless

pancakes
waffles
stuffed breads (stuffed w/ spinach or broccoli)
veggie soups
eggplant parmesan
pizza
grilled cheese
cakes/ brownies/ desserts
salads
refried beans
vegan potato dishes
sauteed veggie dishes
delicious salad dressings (from yogurt)
fresh juices from juicer

and much more... we always have tasty healthy food around (plus some junk for my picky kids) but the good stuff is always there available... however I do often feel like I am cooking CONSTANTLY.