Enough is Enough, Help, 2 years on and still SCREAMING

[Calm]

I've tried this thread before, and then I thought it was over but it seems it was just a break.

We can't take it anymore. We are at risk of reacting poorly.

My 2 year old son yells/screams for no apparent reason, sometimes just while he is jumping on the couch, but mostly it is his preferred method of communication.

It is really REALLY loud, and your head ends up ringing. If you think you can relate, think again. Parents who have thought they could relate then meet my son and have to reevaluate what loud, irritating, pointless screaming actually is.

I'm all about natural consequences, but I'm not comfortable with the natural consequences for this. When my son starts his screaming loop, which these days seems to be a large part of the day, most people naturally remove themselves from him, to another room or whatever, just away. As his mother, I can't withdraw from him like that, even though it is a natural consequence of this type of behaviour. We have tried wearing earplugs but we have no life or communication like that. We have tried just putting our fingers in our ears ...

oh let's get real, that is no way to have to live for years at a stretch and I'm not looking for that kind of "survival" advice at this stage. We know all those tactics, and yes, I'm kinda cranky, sorry.



We're sick of just surviving this.

We live with my mother and two of my brothers. They can't handle it anymore. They think I am to blame for not putting "boundaries" on him. They don't get my parenting ways.

Ignoring things worked for everything else. He started hitting my daughter, and I told her to pretend it didn't happen when he does it because she is like his favourite squeaky toy, so just stop giving him the reaction, I said. It worked. And that method always works, except for the screaming. I think if my mother would help me by ignoring it it would help but she can't and won't. So I have to "react" and remove him from the room when he screams. I believe reacting is perpetuating it.

My life revolves around him, he doesn't lack attention.

I want to be zen about this, and I know he will grow out of it. But is there anything I can do that isn't punishing, withdrawing or isolating?

[~cassie~]

Stick to him like glue and anticipate what he needs before he has the chance to scream and help him verbalize that?

My Aidan in a screamer, it is mainly from his lack of communication, and b/c it gets him a reaction. So what works for me is ignoring it and verbalizing what he wants and getting him to ask for it. My oldest does react to him though and that just eggs him on more and they get into screaming matches.

[Calm]

He does it in my lap. Right next to me. In my arms. Sitting at my feet playing. If DD stands up. If she sits down. .... EVERYTHING. but mostly, in a huge way, if something is taken from him. Especially if DD takes it. He screams in anticipation of having something taken from him. He actually, and I'm not kidding, will just scream for no reason while he's jumping or playing. It isn't always a negative reaction, he seems to enjoy doing it.

The only times he doesn't scream is in frustration at doing something, like trying to open a door. Those times just cause him to yell or cry like any other child.

I really need to video this. I don't think anyone can visualise the torture and pointlessness this is. My family are actually suffering depression and great stress from this. I just feel like a wrung out, empty shell. I never thought one trait could do this to a whole family. I thought ADHD type things did this. But this one habit of his is taking all we have. We can't communicate because the noise is constant and we have started living in fear of his demands, lest they lead to screaming. I've actually found my daughter and husband sitting curled up with their hands over their ears while my son screams like a maniac for no reason.

Someone is going to snap.

This is a cry for help.

[Calm]

I have taught him to say "help" for the times when it is an actual need he is trying to express. He still screams first and needs prompting and will then say "help". I am currently teaching him to say "stop" for him to use to cover as much as possible, such as DD taking something from him (she only ever takes things she thinks he can't have, but most of the time as I've tried to tell her, it isn't worth it so let him keep it). I'm not sure how to get him to stop screaming while he is jumping on the couch in my mother's part of the house. There is no word he needs, he's just making noise.

[AutumnAir]

Have you considered getting him evaluated? He may have some underlying issue going on that's causing this, and if it's as bad as you say it is (which I'm sure it is!) then it can't hurt to get an outside opinion..

As a side note, DD was going through a long period of screaming/crying/tantrums all day every day. I tried all the usual GD stuff - distracting, redirecting, verbalising for her, giving her more choices, giving her fewer choices, etc.. Nothing worked and I was at my wits end. Finally, one day when I had a migraine and just couldn't take the screaming any more I said, as calmly as I could muster "If you want to keep screaming please go to your room and scream there. You're hurting mommy's head. You can come back when you're finished screaming." And she did - she went off up to her room, screamed and cried there for a couple of minutes, then came back downstairs, gave me a cuddle and said "Mama's head better?"

So, now, that's what we do. If she's being particularly loud and obnoxious and my efforts to comfort/help her are unappreciated/unwanted then I'll ask her to go and scream and cry in her room until she's done, then she can come back and talk to me about it. I don't see it as punitive - I don't feel that she does either. She just seems to need to cry and scream to let off steam, and it's much healthier for both of us when she can do that without driving me around the bend too!

Don't know if that's any help, but it's worth throwing out there.

[Calm]

My daughter's like that. Stomps off to her room to let off steam. Nothing is punishment if you choose it. Even prison, should someone be weird enough to choose to lock themselves in a cell.

I could probably try that with DS in time (the room, not the cell), but at the moment, he looks at me blankly most of the time. I swear he isn't trying to be manipulative or obnoxious, he genuinely doesn't seem to understand me. I was lead to believe kids are quick and know what you're saying way before they learn to talk. If that is true, I have no idea what his deal is. As it is, it seems more like he doesn't know what is going on, he doesn't understand that we don't like certain things.

What is it with kids and doing something you've told them you prefer they don't do? I know they're all like that, but is there some kind of reason for it? Is it just that it's how we all are, wanting what we can't have, but they are too young to curtail it yet?

[karika]

Is he on a pure diet already? no dyes, preservatives, GMO, or MSG? gluten dairy soy and corn free? Take out dairy and soy first, along with any chemicals if you haven't already. It does sound as though there is some type of issue, and it is likely you can heal it with diet and supplements. Get a high count probiotic (in the billions) also, right away. Foods can cause reactions like this. This site is full of good info. http://www.danasview.net/ The site is so large, i just do a search in it and use the site map quite a bit... he may be overloaded from a sensory standpoint http://www.danasview.net/sensory.htm My child also seems to have some issues. The more I read and find out, the more I am sure it is related to heavy metals from vaccines, and the fact that a dentist decided it was perfect time to remove all my silver fillings while pregnant. Then she had a round of antibiotics once while her father had her and I am sure there is a yeast overgrowth now too. So many children now have issues. I do not think my child would be diagnosed with spectrum disorder but she seems to have some of the same behaviors. HTH

[Calm]

Thanks! I'll take a look at those links. He has not been exposed to dairy and i have not had dairy since he was born. Well, I tried some this year but his behaviour changed so I went back off it. Dairy is an ugly ugly food, we weren't meant to eat it so I have no problem staying off it. (I am still breastfeeding him a few times a day)

We had issues after his birth and I did the whole food rotation elimination thing for a very long time and then woke up. I realised it isn't the food, it is something wrong in the system that reacts... hence why some people react to many things. I brought his gut back into balance and his skin cleared etc. I am a naturopath so we eat very well and as raw as possible.

My daughter has sensory sensitivities, esp auditory (how ironic : ). It isn't in the realm of impossible that he has a sensory sensitivity.

[mamamillet]

Honestly I would have him evaluated. I would start with a hearing eval. Especially if his receptive language seems behind. He should be able to follow simple directions at this point. From there I would look into some sensory issues as well. This is NOT typical behavior. Hope things get better.

[Calm]

MMillet, thanks for saying it isn't typical. Sometimes just hearing that helps, it is very validating.

He can follow simple directions, very simple, such as "put this in the rubbish". I don't know what I should expect from him as my daughter was/is gifted, she spoke in whole sentences by 12 months. I could communicate with her very well from such a young age, I don't like this lack of communication going on for so long. We taught him sign language as a baby. That doesn't stretch far enough though.

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by mamamillet

Honestly I would have him evaluated. I would start with a hearing eval. Especially if his receptive language seems behind. He should be able to follow simple directions at this point. From there I would look into some sensory issues as well. This is NOT typical behavior. Hope things get better.

[pbjmama]

I agree with the pps who said get an OT sensory evaluation. Sounds like he needs the input and since he can't get it otherwise he is providing it. Especially since it isn't just a negative reaction. Ask around and get into the best person you can find. My ds turned into a different kid after OT. I would do it again, and alot earlier, in a heartbeat!