ASD discipline issues

[Fay]

We are seeing all kinds of new inappropriate behaviors with our third grader (dx ASD) this year. One behavior that I need help addressing is that he tells his 3 year old brother to do things like kick or hit people. Sometimes it helps to give him a 5 minute time-out so that he can calm down and stop escalating the situation -- but I hate time-outs, I've never resorted to them until this year when these new behaviors started. Yesterday DH told him that if he did this again, he would lose his computer privileges for 1 week, which is huge. We discussed how he could choose to do something helpful or productive instead of engaging in this behavior; he even explained in his own words how he could avoid talking like that, and I validated his ideas. Today he looked me in the eye, smiled, and told his little brother to "go kick people." He knew exactly what he was doing, this was not a compulsion that was out of his control. I calmly told him that he lost his computer privileges. I'm pretty sure that he's going to do the same thing tomorrow, and I'm at my wit's end. We need to curb this behavior without indulging his desire for negative attention. I'd appreciate some creative ideas (beyond social stories) to get us through this.

[sbgrace]

Fay, I feel a little bad replying because my kids are only six but what you said about desire for negative attention struck me as familiar here.
Have you ever read anything about the nurtured heart approach?
http://thismom.blogs.com/this_mom/20...red-heart.html This blog is a mom of an spectrum kid and how I got introduced to it (well, maybe not this post but her posts on NH and autism).
The creator has a newer book called All Children Flourishing that is much better than his older book (he revised and perfected the approach but more than that it's just a much better read). It fits so well for spectrum kids and any kid really I think and is completely compatible with gentle discipline. It's been the "thing" for Andrew.

[moss]

Originally Posted by Fay

I'd appreciate some creative ideas (beyond social stories) to get us through this.

have you done up a comic strip? put it into pictures for your son? even when my ds seems to understand something, if the behaviour persists, he NEEDS to see it in picture format for the idea to really click for him.

we're big into deflecting and 'feeding the need' around here. what are some things that would be okay for your older son to tell your younger son to do? maybe your older son needs some kind of game like 'simon says' with acceptable actions.

this also sounds like a teachable moment for you and your younger son. i know he's only 3, but he can learn that he doesnt have to do harmful things to people when your older son tells him to. it's never to young to learn how to be assertive.