didnt want this ques to get lost in my other thread...
my exdh is remarried to a woman who already had 4 kids. they have a toddler together and she will have another one in 5 mos time.
their home is a modest sized 3 bedroom. right now, she and ex have the master, and her 16mo ds co-sleeps.
in another bedroom are her 4yo dd and 9yo dd.
the 3rd bedroom is for the boys, ages 7 and 13.
when the new baby comes in sept, the now-baby will be about 21 mos. he will go into the boys room where he will have to sleep with the then-8yo. he cant bedshare safely with the older ds due to that child's physical disability.
problem is, when my ds spends the night, he bedshares with his same-age step brother. i have no real issue with that, they have been best buds literally since my ds was about 2 hrs old.
i've had her 4 older kids at my place overnight more than once. her boys and my boys pile up and her 2 dd's sleep with me in my bed, with her approval.
anyway, a while ago, before their baby was born, there was a slight issue with her older dd possibly not behaving decently with the boys in the house, so i expressed my concern to ex and he agreed that he would co-sleep with ds to keep him protected. that lasted a short while, (as did every one of his other promises
) when he got tired of co-sleeping with his newborn son all week, and then ds EOW, he moved my ds to a sleeper sofa in the living room, directly outside his bedroom, with the door open. he told me his mother actually handed down the sofa just so ds would have his own place to sleep. his wife is a very lax housekeeper, so i asked if it was possible to reserve the bed portion of the sofa just for ds, and he readily agreed. a month later i dropped ds off to him and when he opened the door, i could see 3 or 4 of the kids napping on ds's clean sheets.
i guess my issue is the over crowding in their home. i have been told that there is a regulation stating only 2 ppl can share a bedroom, but i'm not sure if that was just a rule of an apt complex where i applied yrs ago. they made it sound like it was some sort of health or fire code or something.
i certainly dont want to demand that ds gets his own room at their house. up til a few mos ago, both of my kids shared a room, though they had their own beds. and quite often, ds sleeps with me. so i dont think i would ever insist ex reserve a room for my ds, and i dont think i would even insist he have a bed all to himself. he is afraid of the dark, i think its great that there is a stepbro/bff to keep him company. but how many kids can you cram into a twin bed? and when one of them is just barely 2yo, i dont think its safe to plop all 3 of them there even if there was room.
so my question is: would it be terrible of me to take this to court? i can sure try to talk to ex, but that usually doesnt work. my lawyer basically told me she felt ours would be a situation where we would end up in court for small stuff due to ex's unwillingness to dialogue. if i went to court, what do i ask for? a bed for ds in the boys room? there isnt room for 3 twin beds, and ex wont buy a set of bunkbeds on my request. besides, a top bunk wouldnt work...her disabled 13yo cant climb ladders, my ds is absolutely terrified of heights, and her other son cant exactly sleep up there with a 2yo. unless...do i ask for my ds to get a ground level bed and then he can share it with his younger bro?
is it fair to expect my ds to sleep on the couch in the LR EOW? what about the week long visit in the summer? (those are the only overnights all year)
what would you do/have you done in a similar situation?
my exdh is remarried to a woman who already had 4 kids. they have a toddler together and she will have another one in 5 mos time.
their home is a modest sized 3 bedroom. right now, she and ex have the master, and her 16mo ds co-sleeps.
in another bedroom are her 4yo dd and 9yo dd.
the 3rd bedroom is for the boys, ages 7 and 13.
when the new baby comes in sept, the now-baby will be about 21 mos. he will go into the boys room where he will have to sleep with the then-8yo. he cant bedshare safely with the older ds due to that child's physical disability.
problem is, when my ds spends the night, he bedshares with his same-age step brother. i have no real issue with that, they have been best buds literally since my ds was about 2 hrs old.
i've had her 4 older kids at my place overnight more than once. her boys and my boys pile up and her 2 dd's sleep with me in my bed, with her approval.anyway, a while ago, before their baby was born, there was a slight issue with her older dd possibly not behaving decently with the boys in the house, so i expressed my concern to ex and he agreed that he would co-sleep with ds to keep him protected. that lasted a short while, (as did every one of his other promises
) when he got tired of co-sleeping with his newborn son all week, and then ds EOW, he moved my ds to a sleeper sofa in the living room, directly outside his bedroom, with the door open. he told me his mother actually handed down the sofa just so ds would have his own place to sleep. his wife is a very lax housekeeper, so i asked if it was possible to reserve the bed portion of the sofa just for ds, and he readily agreed. a month later i dropped ds off to him and when he opened the door, i could see 3 or 4 of the kids napping on ds's clean sheets.i guess my issue is the over crowding in their home. i have been told that there is a regulation stating only 2 ppl can share a bedroom, but i'm not sure if that was just a rule of an apt complex where i applied yrs ago. they made it sound like it was some sort of health or fire code or something.
i certainly dont want to demand that ds gets his own room at their house. up til a few mos ago, both of my kids shared a room, though they had their own beds. and quite often, ds sleeps with me. so i dont think i would ever insist ex reserve a room for my ds, and i dont think i would even insist he have a bed all to himself. he is afraid of the dark, i think its great that there is a stepbro/bff to keep him company. but how many kids can you cram into a twin bed? and when one of them is just barely 2yo, i dont think its safe to plop all 3 of them there even if there was room.
so my question is: would it be terrible of me to take this to court? i can sure try to talk to ex, but that usually doesnt work. my lawyer basically told me she felt ours would be a situation where we would end up in court for small stuff due to ex's unwillingness to dialogue. if i went to court, what do i ask for? a bed for ds in the boys room? there isnt room for 3 twin beds, and ex wont buy a set of bunkbeds on my request. besides, a top bunk wouldnt work...her disabled 13yo cant climb ladders, my ds is absolutely terrified of heights, and her other son cant exactly sleep up there with a 2yo. unless...do i ask for my ds to get a ground level bed and then he can share it with his younger bro?
is it fair to expect my ds to sleep on the couch in the LR EOW? what about the week long visit in the summer? (those are the only overnights all year)
what would you do/have you done in a similar situation?
i'm not terribly worried about it, it was a very long time ago and what ds told me didnt directly involve him, so i dont even knwo if there was a "crime" anyway. i'm just super responsive to my kids when it comes to the slightest potential of sex abuse, so i went to ex and asked him to provide more supervision at night.
