Keeping them both happy . . .

[flatstanley72]

Mamas of 2 (or more), how do you keep them both happy? I have a 1 yo DS and a 3.5 yo DD. Now that DS is more active and mobile, it is so hard to keep them both happy. I feel like there is constantly someone whining, fussing, crying, or demanding attention in some way. DS wants more interaction and needs lots of supervision as he is toddling around bumping into things, falling down, putting small objects in his mouth, getting into sister's things, etc. Meanwhile, DD wants me to read her books, help with craft projects, keep DS out of her things, etc. It just feels very overwhelming at times. How do you do keep the peace and maintain your sanity?

[MommaCrystal]

For us it was about routines. We followed a general routine pretty much every day. Craft projects were for times of day when little brother could be happy in his high chair, for example. Books were for when I was nursing the little. Smaller toys or toys the older one didn't want the younger to get to were reserved for nap times or when daddy was home to help keep extra set of hands at the ready.

HTH!

[Tigerchild]

For me, having multiple kids was very good for me because it forced me to divorce myself from the idea that in order to be a good mom I had to ensure my children's happiness at all times.

I make sure they get one one one time with me, all three of them (even now, when they're older). We took turns doing activities that I knew at least one likes. I also would do new activities that nobody was particularly devoted to. I think being able to steal some time alone with each kid though was the biggest factor in giving them a happiness infusion.

I don't think that it's a realistic expectation that you will be able to keep the peace always. I also think that when you have a couple or a few young children (my twins were born 17 months after my singleton) to some degree you are choosing to give up some of your sanity for a few years. Sorry, probably not want you really want to hear. But for me, investing in staggering naptimes and cutting out some of my own alone time in order to get one on one interaction with each child was some of the best investment that I've made as a parent. Now that they are older (mine are all school age now) I have plenty of time for myself. Those years were very hard though. I won't lie.

But I do think it's important to have realistic expectations. I never expected to have a peaceful home with 3 under 2. Or, well, let's say I did envision that when I was pregnant with the boys, but that was modified very quickly into reality once they were born. I would prioritize carving out time for each kid, and trying to carve out a little time for yourself--but the rest of the time is going to be an exercise in turn taking and compromise. Routines can help with that if you are routine-y. If your not, it is okay to even write down whose turn it is on a whiteboard if you have to. That is what I did because a routine frankly creates far more stress for my personality type than it takes away and I didn't need any more stress than I already had.

[berry987]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild

For me, having multiple kids was very good for me because it forced me to divorce myself from the idea that in order to be a good mom I had to ensure my children's happiness at all times.

Well said! My first thought when I read your post was "does anyone keep their kids happy and peaceful most of the time?"

For me, part of the reason I want a somewhat big family (we have three and want one more) is that I like how larger families instantly force kids to learn how to wait their turn, be patient, and realize that their needs are not always first. (Not that smaller families or families with one child don't teach those lessons, but it is less necessary) At least that's how it was in my family growing up (with five kids).

I know you were coming for practical advice and I guess I don't have much. If all my kids want something at once, I determine who needs it the most (baby crying for lunch vs. 5 yo asking to play a game) at that moment. I try to always get around to everyone's needs, but "you just have to be patient" or "we can do that in a minute" comes out of my mouth a lot. That said, I also have a 3 yo and "patience" is not his virtue....but from what I've learned with my oldest son, it will be in a year or so. For now, he'll get upset, keep asking incessantly, bug me like crazy, until he gets what he wants. But I do see a light at the end of the tunnel!

I think the most important thing is not to drive yourself crazy trying to keep everyone entertained, happy, etc. at all times. I encourage a lot of independent play with my kids, so the older two may just need help setting something up, and then they are good to go. And if all else fails, I just grab the baby, sit on the couch and let the two older ones cuddle up with me - that usually makes everyone happy.

[flatstanley72]

Originally Posted by MommaCrystal

For us it was about routines. We followed a general routine pretty much every day. Craft projects were for times of day when little brother could be happy in his high chair, for example. Books were for when I was nursing the little. Smaller toys or toys the older one didn't want the younger to get to were reserved for nap times or when daddy was home to help keep extra set of hands at the ready.

HTH!

This does help. I am just starting to develop some more consistent routines and I think it will help. It has been hard for DD to get used to me not being able to read to her whenever she wants. She LOVES books and I want to encourage that, so I also find it difficult to limit reading, but I just have to. I'm finding I can't give DS the attention and supervision he needs if I'm always reading.

[flatstanley72]

Originally Posted by berry987

Well said! My first thought when I read your post was "does anyone keep their kids happy and peaceful most of the time?"

I think the most important thing is not to drive yourself crazy trying to keep everyone entertained, happy, etc. at all times.

Thank you. This is reassuring. It's always helpful to come here and get some perspective!

[flatstanley72]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild

I don't think that it's a realistic expectation that you will be able to keep the peace always. I also think that when you have a couple or a few young children (my twins were born 17 months after my singleton) to some degree you are choosing to give up some of your sanity for a few years. Sorry, probably not want you really want to hear. But for me, investing in staggering naptimes and cutting out some of my own alone time in order to get one on one interaction with each child was some of the best investment that I've made as a parent. Now that they are older (mine are all school age now) I have plenty of time for myself. Those years were very hard though. I won't lie.

Thank you for the perspective. It actually is helpful to hear from mamas who are past this stage that it was hard, but does get easier. It is nice to know I am not the only one struggling!

[zebrachick83]

Just thought I'd add that this is a great activity book for siblings of all ages. We have it and I love it!

The Siblings' Busy Book