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Can't believe the conversation I've had. (Rant) - Page 2

post #21 of 33
4/17/10 at 1:28am
I've been in your shoes....I found out I was pregnant during a really rough stage in my marriage, my husband encouraged abortion since he felt he wasn't capable of being present to a new baby in the state he's in, and when I was 10 weeks along he left our family home. A few friends and my brother (all male and childless) gave strong pressure to abort, with similar logic about finances, opportunities, selfishness, capabilities etc etc. It was hard to hear, but ultimately I knew they were very concerned for me in the way you would be if you evaluate the situation with logic and no emotion. They only could see it as making things harder....which is true, when you exclude the sides of parenting non-parents know nothing about....

I wavered on my choice, but here I am at 18 weeks, baby kicking away inside as I type. Husband still lives out of the house, and I dont know what will come...

But trust yourself, and seek support from those capable of giving it, and know that even those who speak harsh words mean well and just can not grasp the enormity of such a decision....

And congrats, may you have a healthy pregnancy with no bedrest!!!

Sarahfina
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post #22 of 33
4/17/10 at 10:57pm
Just wanted to offer HUGS to you and concur with those who emphasize that this is YOUR choice--only you know what is right for you and your family. The future does not exist, and this friend was way out of line in jumping to such harsh projections.

Best wishes to you!
post #23 of 33
4/17/10 at 11:18pm
Personal decisions can really ONLY be assessed by the person in question, but particularly those requiring bravery. Either of these choices would take extreme bravery- there was no easy out, as you can attest to. Major soul searching you did to come up with your answer.

I salute you for making the choice you could most live with, naysayers be damned. Such a strong mama is JUST the kind of mama your kids need! I am happy for them all.

(Plus I wanted to second what others have said about poverty/ marriage/ etc not being the true predictor of the quality of a childhood! It's all an adventure, and you are clearly a tough woman who can rise to whatever challenges come along.)
post #24 of 33
4/18/10 at 9:37am
Personally, I would have hung up on so called friend the minute he didn't respect my choice and refused to change the subject.

It's your body, it's your choice. Your "friend" was wrong to have not let you change the subject.

If you choose to talk to him again, it is okay to set boundaries. And enforce them. Even if it means hanging up on him.
post #25 of 33
4/18/10 at 9:41am
Quote:
Originally Posted by honey-lilac View Post
well, I'm still hoping he doesn't sign a lease here because then he'll be in the same town indefinitely. I'd really rather him be on the East Coast.

Be careful what you wish for. You just may get it.

And not like the consequences. One of those would be that the father of the children would have the kids for most of the summer break and school holidays.

Besides, him being in the same town as his kids would be better for the kids.
post #26 of 33
4/18/10 at 9:57am
Having a child is never a logical decision. He's trying to look at it that way, when IMHO it's a choice that has to be made with the heart. I hope his negativity came from a caring place, but I say he's still better avoided for now!
I know spectacular people who had no dad, and lousy people with 2 wonderful parents... and vice versa. 3 is not that much harder than 2, and I'm sure you'll do fine.
CONGRATULATIONS!
post #27 of 33
4/18/10 at 10:23am
Ugh, that sucks. I agree that the difference between 2 and 3 kids isn't much, financially speaking. You can pass down clothes, share bedrooms, ect. They don't even eat much until they are 9 or 10 and by then you will likely have everything in order and be prepared to support them as they grow. Babies hardly cost anything at all.

And no man will want you!? Sheesh, that's hitting below the belt. What he meant was, a person like HIM won't want you. But you wouldn't want a partner who treated you like crap, so no problem.

I'm a single mom with a crazy ex, 2 kids, one of whom has severe medical problems and is disabled. Many people shy away from her because it's quite overwhelming to see this little girl struggling so much. But I found a loving man who doesn't care about my "baggage" at all and treats my DD like his own kid. He doesn't even have kids yet. He went from 26 and single to 26 with a girlfriend with 2 kids, holding my hand while my DD almost died. Within a week of getting together. No exaggeration. They exist, I can assure you. If you are ever open to finding another partner, that's one thing you DON'T have to worry about.
post #28 of 33
4/18/10 at 10:26am
No man will want you?

I know several moms who found wonderful loving men, partners, despite having children, from babies to teenagers. That's a lie.

post #29 of 33
4/18/10 at 10:50am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post
Be careful what you wish for. You just may get it.

And not like the consequences. One of those would be that the father of the children would have the kids for most of the summer break and school holidays.

Besides, him being in the same town as his kids would be better for the kids.
Please don't generalize. You don't know our situation. And why would he automatically get summer holidays?
post #30 of 33
4/27/10 at 6:00pm
Yep..logical vs emotional. That is why women are the baby makers. Congrats on finding peace with your situation. Hugs to you, and stay well. Keeping your stomach form getting empty helped tremendously with keeping morning sickness at bay for me.
post #31 of 33
4/29/10 at 11:43pm
honey-lilac a "friend" like this "friend" is no friend at all.

IMHO cut this toxic guy out of your life. Congratulations! I hope you manage to find the joy in this pregnancy and your new little one.
post #32 of 33
4/30/10 at 2:50pm
Wow it totally sounds like you were talking to my exhusband when I told him I was pregnant with my third child (not his). He said all those exact things to me! That's insane.
post #33 of 33
4/30/10 at 3:04pm
it didnt seem like he was really talkign about abortion.

it seemed more about single parenting.

and i am assuming either he came from a neglected single parenting household or saw a nightmare happening in one, or has the read the press about welfare abusers and how they use the system. he really doesnt think you can bring up the child by yourself.

i hope he sticks around to see how much you can prove him wrong and learn.

i hope you have limited contact with him.
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