Anxiety in children - Page 3

[Starflower]

LoveBugMama - I have no idea how the medical system works in Norway, but is there a way to get a new evaluation for your son?

It really sounds like he would benefit from treatment.

[chann96]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

I would actually go so far as to say that withholding medication from a child with a mental illness is just as bad as withholding medication from a child with diabetes. It is a medical condition and thank goodness medications have been developed that can help.

I would agree and disagree with you on this statement. Mental illness is a medical condition and it is wonderful that medications have been found that can help people with these illnesses. I treat her physical and mental conditions with the same level of care. She is currently required to take 2 medications for her medical conditions and will be having surgery in 2 weeks. Her medications have side effects and I worry about the long-term consequences of her taking them. Having to have surgery will obviously be difficult and painful for her. In consultation with her doctors though we have made the decision that the potential side effects of these medications and surgery are far outweighed by the potential damage of not doing these things.

In the case of her anxiety I have read up about the anxiety medications. They have their own potential side effects. For now we've decided that the potential side effects outweigh the current impact on her life from her anxiety. If we find later in her life that this balance has shifted then we will re-examine the medication decision.

Your posts on this have struck me. I wonder if you realize how your sound, frankly. They sound as if you think the parents on this thread are not constantly working to make the best decisions for their children. You have made the decisions that you believe to be best for your own children. As the parent of children with special needs I'm sure you've struggled with parents second-guessing those decisions and you don't appreciate it. I respect your right to make the decisions for your own children and I would ask that you respect my right to do the same. I don't appreciate the suggestion that I and the other parents on this thread are mistreating our children.

[beachcomber]

Originally Posted by Harper

Do your children have phrases that they are stuck on? Questions that they ask endlessly? How do you respond?

A book that was recommended to me was Freeing Your Child From Anxiety by Tamar Chansky. I read it awhile ago and really need to get back to it.

I'm going to look for that book. My DD is 4.5 and has had severe separation anxiety since early infancy. We literally can't leave the room without her coming to find us. She comes to the bathroom with me. She panics if she can't find us. Leaving her at daycare for 5 months last year involved a special ritual good-bye and she still cried. Same for preschool. She worries we won't come back. She has developed unusual fears recently. She obsesses about possible dangers - being hit by a car, cut by a knife, etc. We have to be VERY careful when we talk to her about safety or it becomes fodder for another fear.

I was intrigued by your question about questions. My DD asks questions about certain things as a way of comfort-seeking. She asks what we ate for breakfast, what day tomorrow is, what day today is, over and over. She only talks to adults and when she does, she goes through a mental list of questions about what their name is, what their mom and dad's names are, if they have a pet, what it's name is, what they ate for breakfast, what they'll eat for dinner...

[beachcomber]

LoveBugMama, you have described my 4.5 y/o DD almost to a tee. She has almost all the same anxieties as your son. We have to sleep with her. Until very recently we had to hug her while she pooped. Still have to sometimes. Severe separation anxiety. Doesn't gain confidence from successes. Can do a thing once, twice, three times then the fourth time she's afraid all over again and won't do it. Gets totally put off by a bad experience or failure and won't try again. Hasn't got friends b/c she can't play with kids b/c they are too scary to her. When we do play dates, she has to have me with her all the time. Can't play alone at home - we must play with her.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Originally Posted by *LoveBugMama*

What a wonderful thread. Can I join?

My son is 9 YO, and has no diagnosis. Looooong story, but I won`t bore you with the details. But he is very, very troubled with anxiety. (Since the persons evaluating him didn`t AT ALL bother to believe what we, his parents said about him being anxious, and he would rather die than talk about it with them himself, they decideed he "didn`t have any anxiety". But, it is very, very clear to everyone who bothers to get to know him properly, than he is very anxious on several levels.)

The biggest problems for him: Being alone. And the dark. These fears are VERY big, and they are very much making his life difficult.
Small examples:
He has never, ever gone to bed alone. He needs someone there, holding him/stroking him until he is fast asleep. And he needs to sleep WITH someone during the night. Even then, he wakes up with panick attacks in the middle of the night when he is having a bad day/night.

He needed someone to stand outisde the toilet when he used it until just a few months ago. Still does on bad days.

He has never been to a friends house alone. (This is due to his worries. He has lots of worries everyday, that makes him unable to do normal things out of fear that something is going to go wrong. "I can`t play with the ball, I am too afraid it will blow away/fall in the river/get taken etc." Or "I can`t say what I wish for for my birthday, because I might change my mind later."

The other very big problem is that he just does. not. learn. from. his successes. At all. So even when he DOES manage to do something he was very afraid of, it doesn`t matter the next time. Back to square one every time. This makes things extremely difficult when trying to ease him into things.

Pressuring him also backfires every time. Making him do the things that he has anxiety about is just not working. (Like, pressuring him to sleep alone is just not doable. He gets totally absorbed in his fear, and will cry/stay up all night. Literally.)

He had an accident on his bike a week ago. Nothing major, but it scared him. So now, he will not use his bike. At all. He gets a panick attack when I (or his father) tries to help him try the bike again. He starts screaming, crying, hyperventilating etc. And he just can`t let it go until he is told he doesn`t have to try. So, on top of the big areas, he "makes" small things into big problems, too. And they can stay that way for a long, long time. Sometimes they turn into OCD`ish behaviour, too. He had a period last year where he was sooo afraid of "loosing" things. Small pieces of paper, straws of hair from hsi head, cookiecrumbles etc. Everything, For a long periode he wouldn`t go out, or do anything out of fear for losing stuff. It came to a top when he started to hold his breath for as long as he could, because he didn`t want to "loose" the air he breathed out. Luckily, this behaviour was just a reaction to him being so, soo worried over something else, so it stopped pretty quick.



So he has some big anxiety-areas, and then lots, and lots of worries all day, everyday. School has been utter hell for 3 full years. we had to homeschoolhim the last 6 months of 3.grade. He hadn`t been in his classroom at all since third grade started. He just refues. He was scared and worried all day, and sat in the hallway at school, either crying or just being sad and embarassed. Oh, and I had to be at school with him for all of first and second grade. That was the only way for us to get him there.

And still, the therapistpeople decided he had no diagnosis. (Because he himself NEVER said anything to them about his fears when he was with them. Ofcourse he didn`t. He was six years old at the time, and his biggest fear was admitting he was scared. And since the therapists decided that what me and his father said didn`t matter, they had only the school to rely on. And the school said that he was doing well. Yeah, he was. Because I was there!! And because they NEVER followed him out of class the million of times he just got up and left during those 2 years. If they did, they would have found him under a chair/table in the room I sat in, hysterically crying or hyperventilating.) Yeah, funtimes. Sorry, I gave you the details anyway.

Anyway. I just wanted to join this group. Talking to others who struggle with anxious and overly worried children is very helpful to me. Big hugs to everyone.

[*LoveBugMama*]

Originally Posted by beachcomber

LoveBugMama, you have described my 4.5 y/o DD almost to a tee. She has almost all the same anxieties as your son. We have to sleep with her. Until very recently we had to hug her while she pooped. Still have to sometimes. Severe separation anxiety. Doesn't gain confidence from successes. Can do a thing once, twice, three times then the fourth time she's afraid all over again and won't do it. Gets totally put off by a bad experience or failure and won't try again. Hasn't got friends b/c she can't play with kids b/c they are too scary to her. When we do play dates, she has to have me with her all the time. Can't play alone at home - we must play with her.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Thank you. It`s "nice" to know someone understands.
We have had a wonderful summer. He is at his best when he can be home with me all day, visit his father whenever he wants to, stay in his fathers summerhouse (I`m there, too) and play with his cousins who are also at the summerhouse. No pressure, no school and almost as important: very little darkness. The sun is up until very late, so his extreme fear of the dark is a lot less troublesome.

But, even though things have been very good, he has lots of things he worry about. He wants me and/or his dad by his side at all times. Every morning he wants me to go with him to grandmas house next door to the summerhouse, where all his cousins are. It is literally two houses in the same garden, but he needs me to be there with him. This last week he has actually been there alone for a little while several times.

He also worries so much about what people are doing. It`s like he needs everyone to do the same thing. Anyone experience this? We have been around 20 people in the two houses combined, and he "nags" endlessly, because he wants everyone to play/do the same thing. Like play volleyball. And he asks the same people over, and over and over again. Like he needs to ask 5-6-7-8 times "to be sure" they are not fooling him, or to be sure that "yes, aunt x and uncle Y and cousins 1,2,3,4 and 5 WILL play volleyball with you in a few minutes.

It`s kinda sad. The other cousins look at him and just don`t understand WHY he does these things. Why does he ask about the same things so, so many times etc.

But, all in all, summer has been good.
How about the rest of you?

[yentroc]

It looks like this thread has died...

I just found it after starting my own thread looking for support.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1274789

Anyone care to join me over there?